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Isolating son I am weak but strong
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 755383" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Because he has made a choice to live as he does. Mental issues, drug use, self medicating, whatever the case, there is help for our wayward adult children, but they want to do things their way. Then put it on us. AWM, I don’t know any background to your story, but I am willing to bet that you have tried just about everything to help your son. None of us are cold hearted parents, turning our children out into the wilderness, so to speak. Most of us have bent over backwards to try to get our adult kids to choose a different path, to take care of themselves, to be self sustaining. Many of us have done so at the ultimate cost of losing the peace in our homes and hearts with the chaos and drama of addiction and everything that comes with that, destruction of property, theft, lies, refusal to contribute, help around the house, or even act decently towards us. Living conditions have made it quite clear that the mistreatment and unacceptable boundary crossing will only continue. So, we are forced by the actions of our adult children to ask them to leave. They don’t want to follow rules. They want to do whatever they want. That is unacceptable. Allowing that to continue is debilitating for <em>them</em> and us.</p><p>I am sorry your daughter is angry at you. That is part of our wayward adult kids game, it is called triangulating. They will get close to one loved one, someone who is likely to side with them, to manipulate and control another.</p><p>I know how this feels. It is an awful thing to go through. I am sorry for your aching mother’s heart.</p><p>My daughter has been homeless for years now. She has had opportunities with social workers help to get on her feet, move into a shelter, to no avail. Shelters have rules, and she does not want to follow the rules. Yet, she will complain about being raided by police, having her belongings thrown in the dump truck, having to constantly start all over again. But she won’t do anything to get off the streets, although there is help for her.</p><p>I have gone down a few times to plead with her to live differently, to no avail. I have seen boxes of food delivered by churches, sitting out for the homeless in the park. There are soup kitchens and places to go to eat.</p><p>This is very very hard to deal with on our own. I hope you have some support, a group, a therapist to help you sort through the grief of it. Please know that you are not alone. Take good care of yourself and build your toolbox. Oftentimes we are weary and sad over the lifestyles of our adult children, it can be very difficult to bear. Having someone to talk with is important. Writing here has helped me tremendously. There is no judgement, just folks who are traveling this journey at different points on the path.</p><p>I hope you are able to feel better. I have found that giving my worries, grief and stress to my higher power has helped. When it is too much to bear, I look up and pray for strength and for my daughters to find their way. Yes, they are out there while I have a roof over my head and food. But, it is their choice to live as they do. I also believe that taking care of myself is a way to show by example what I most wish for them. That they love themselves enough to find their true potential.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 755383, member: 19522"] Because he has made a choice to live as he does. Mental issues, drug use, self medicating, whatever the case, there is help for our wayward adult children, but they want to do things their way. Then put it on us. AWM, I don’t know any background to your story, but I am willing to bet that you have tried just about everything to help your son. None of us are cold hearted parents, turning our children out into the wilderness, so to speak. Most of us have bent over backwards to try to get our adult kids to choose a different path, to take care of themselves, to be self sustaining. Many of us have done so at the ultimate cost of losing the peace in our homes and hearts with the chaos and drama of addiction and everything that comes with that, destruction of property, theft, lies, refusal to contribute, help around the house, or even act decently towards us. Living conditions have made it quite clear that the mistreatment and unacceptable boundary crossing will only continue. So, we are forced by the actions of our adult children to ask them to leave. They don’t want to follow rules. They want to do whatever they want. That is unacceptable. Allowing that to continue is debilitating for [I]them[/I] and us. I am sorry your daughter is angry at you. That is part of our wayward adult kids game, it is called triangulating. They will get close to one loved one, someone who is likely to side with them, to manipulate and control another. I know how this feels. It is an awful thing to go through. I am sorry for your aching mother’s heart. My daughter has been homeless for years now. She has had opportunities with social workers help to get on her feet, move into a shelter, to no avail. Shelters have rules, and she does not want to follow the rules. Yet, she will complain about being raided by police, having her belongings thrown in the dump truck, having to constantly start all over again. But she won’t do anything to get off the streets, although there is help for her. I have gone down a few times to plead with her to live differently, to no avail. I have seen boxes of food delivered by churches, sitting out for the homeless in the park. There are soup kitchens and places to go to eat. This is very very hard to deal with on our own. I hope you have some support, a group, a therapist to help you sort through the grief of it. Please know that you are not alone. Take good care of yourself and build your toolbox. Oftentimes we are weary and sad over the lifestyles of our adult children, it can be very difficult to bear. Having someone to talk with is important. Writing here has helped me tremendously. There is no judgement, just folks who are traveling this journey at different points on the path. I hope you are able to feel better. I have found that giving my worries, grief and stress to my higher power has helped. When it is too much to bear, I look up and pray for strength and for my daughters to find their way. Yes, they are out there while I have a roof over my head and food. But, it is their choice to live as they do. I also believe that taking care of myself is a way to show by example what I most wish for them. That they love themselves enough to find their true potential. (((Hugs))) New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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