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Isolating son I am weak but strong
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 755384" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Jaypee, so sorry you are having a rough day. I have had many. Sometimes I let myself sink into the sorrow and have a good cry. Then I pray, hard. Walks help, reading and listening to favorite music helps. It is difficult, but drives the point home that we have no control over another’s choices, and we can’t “over-care” our loved ones into action. In other words, we can’t care about their situations more than they do. That just continues to shift the consequences from them to us. The fact that you have set boundaries for yourself to not live that life anymore is huge.</p><p></p><p> Things have not gotten better for my eldest as far as I know. For Tornado, she has started rehab, so we shall see where this goes. It has gotten better for me, as I continually work towards accepting that “it is what it is” and know that I didn’t cause this, can’t control or cure it. The only person I can control is myself. That is a daily effort. Some days are better than others. But, I am learning to trade the despair of my twos addiction, to feeling grateful and blessed for the time I had raising them and hope that one day those fond memories will awaken them from their lifestyles and help them to move into the light. I have had to learn the hard way that I am not the one to <em>fix</em> them. They have their own journey in life and as long as they are using, I will not be an active participant. I am on the sidelines praying for them to find their potential. I have not given up hope even after all of these years. Everyone has a chance to choose another path. My choice is to change the way I respond to their lifestyles. It makes no sense for my life to be degraded with sadness and grief along with their addiction. I have found that with prayer, I am able to understand that the way for me to help my two, is to lead by example and live my life to the fullest. That is not selfish, it is self care, what we all wish for our adult children, that they would take good care of themselves. We cannot preach that to them, and languish in despair ourselves.</p><p>Take care and do what you need to process your feelings and lift yourself up.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 755384, member: 19522"] Hi Jaypee, so sorry you are having a rough day. I have had many. Sometimes I let myself sink into the sorrow and have a good cry. Then I pray, hard. Walks help, reading and listening to favorite music helps. It is difficult, but drives the point home that we have no control over another’s choices, and we can’t “over-care” our loved ones into action. In other words, we can’t care about their situations more than they do. That just continues to shift the consequences from them to us. The fact that you have set boundaries for yourself to not live that life anymore is huge. Things have not gotten better for my eldest as far as I know. For Tornado, she has started rehab, so we shall see where this goes. It has gotten better for me, as I continually work towards accepting that “it is what it is” and know that I didn’t cause this, can’t control or cure it. The only person I can control is myself. That is a daily effort. Some days are better than others. But, I am learning to trade the despair of my twos addiction, to feeling grateful and blessed for the time I had raising them and hope that one day those fond memories will awaken them from their lifestyles and help them to move into the light. I have had to learn the hard way that I am not the one to [I]fix[/I] them. They have their own journey in life and as long as they are using, I will not be an active participant. I am on the sidelines praying for them to find their potential. I have not given up hope even after all of these years. Everyone has a chance to choose another path. My choice is to change the way I respond to their lifestyles. It makes no sense for my life to be degraded with sadness and grief along with their addiction. I have found that with prayer, I am able to understand that the way for me to help my two, is to lead by example and live my life to the fullest. That is not selfish, it is self care, what we all wish for our adult children, that they would take good care of themselves. We cannot preach that to them, and languish in despair ourselves. Take care and do what you need to process your feelings and lift yourself up. (((Hugs))) Leaf [/QUOTE]
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