ISS, discipline, annoying behaviors etc.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jules71, Jan 14, 2014.

  1. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    So what if your difficult child who has ADHD, ODD, and Cognitive Disorder not otherwise specified, who is currently unmedicated, cannot go a single day without getting in trouble for making fart comments, stealing a snack from another student, using cell phone to make an inappropriate video, using the computer inappropriately, tripping and falling on someone, not completing work - and it goes on and on??

    Everyday he is missing lunch/recess, being sent to the office, writing sentences, having in school suspension, suspended from the computers for a month, etc.

    And I am doing more to support his IEP than his teachers and Special Education teacher.

    What do I do??

    They are also not in compliance with his IEP. This is the school jerking me around about his re-evaluation and not wanting to test certain areas I have requested.

    I really need advice on how to proceed. It's doing more harm having him there. They want him back in ISS tomorrow for stealing the snack when he already missed lunch/recess today. I made him buy the kid a replacement snack with his own money and write an apology.

    I feel like we are under attack!
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You are under attack.
    Is there any way you can get an advocate?
    Often, when school goes on the attack, it's because they think they can get away with it... but they often back down in the presence of an advocate.
  3. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    I wish I could afford a lawyer or someone who could intimidate them rather than me being the lone person battling the entire team. Uggh. I will WA ombudsman and see if they will help me. I kept him home and he is doing (attempting to do) his school work here. husband had to call in sick to stay with him because ironically I have a job orientation with the school district for a sub support person. Oh my!
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    We found even just having someone from the medical side attend the meetings (in our case, a therapist) had an impact... because they couldn't down-play his dxes and the interventions that those would dictate. Somebody... anybody who is "official"!
  5. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    If school is not implementing the IEP you need to send them written notification of what they are missing. It shocks me the fact that my kids teachers didn't have access to (so couldn't read) my kids IEP, they don't even print them out anymore. They send the teachers a single sheet of paper that lists accommodations, but that is it. All their students on one sheet of paper that was printed before addendum's were done. So all that stuff we fixed the first 2 weeks of school teachers don't know about until I point it out to them. I'm not above sending teachers copies of kids IEP that I've highlighted where I feel they dropped the ball.

    I hope that all testing and evaluation requests are in writing if not request again in writing. Does your son have a BIP (behavior intervention plan) as part of his IEP? If not request they do Functional Behavior Assessment and devise a BIP for him; he's not learning while being suspended for behaviors he may or may not be able to control. Beware of "cookie cutter" BIP's that are not tailored to the needs of YOUR CHILD. Cutting him off from lunch (food) would bring on more behavior problems then it would solve.

    It really gets me angry when schools get so stuck in punishment mode that they forget they are suppose to teach. I understand teachers get burnt out but I doubt anyone went into teaching so they could torture children. Be weary of programs that only deal with behaviors without looking at what is causing these behaviors.

    Sometimes you can get referrals for advocates thru your state board of education, here community mental health (children's clinic) has advocates they refer people to, word of mouth - if can identify parents that belong to kids in self contained classrooms they often are a hidden resource - any kids at that school have one on one aides? (good chance those parents fought or used an advocate getting it.) Those parents usually jump at chance to tell someone what they went thru to get it. School can't/won't release info on those parents, you kind of have to chase them down and give them your phone # yourself (sounds crazy but it's how I got many of the families I help)

    When it comes to advocacy I'm like the guy in the movie Storm of the Century - "GIVE ME WHAT I WANT AND I WILL GO AWAY" LOL there are a couple districts around here that dislike dealing with me so much they usually do just that to get me to go away. Though I never ask for anything that my client doesn't need; logic prevails sometimes.

  6. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    Who should I send written notice to that they are not following his IEP? The school or the district or both?

    No, he doesn't have a BIP. No one has ever done a FBA although it's been discussed on several occasions.

    This school is definitely stuck in punish mode. Punish punish punish - that should cure his ADHD and make certain he never misbehaves again.

    IC - I think I'm going to grab some people off the street and dress them in my husband's suits so they can sit in the meeting with me and look intimidating. Lol. Either that or in Halloween costumes so I can look as crazy as I feel!
  7. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    I would send the letter about IEP implementation to the teacher who is actually working with the child.

    The request for a FBA that would go to school office and a copy would go to the district sp ed director along with a letter describing the difficulties son is having.

    People hung up on punishment really bug me, they would come by while I was restraining my kid in grocery store and tell me Angel needed a whoopin! My response was usually something like "so you think if this child was blind I could make her see by beating her?" and just give them the look that told them I thought they were a moron.

    Last I heard parents could invite who ever they wanted to come help them with an IEP, though the most I've seen with-parent was 2 advocates & a therapist. That one the other advocate was dealing with school stuff I was there to provide parent support (mom was unstable bipolar)

  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Advocates are FREE. You just need to call the State Dept. of Public Education, ask for the Special Needs Advocate, and he or she will give you the name and number of YOUR advocate. I've used advocates all along and never paid a dime and my understanding is that they are available in every state. The school district won't tell you they exist. They don't like them because they know the laws and when the schools are trying to pull a fast one. We always got everything we asked for, but I don't think that would have happened without our advocate. She met with me alone and then we'd go to every meeting together and her presence changed the atmosphere and kept the school district folks honest.
    The school districts get their money from the Dept. of Public Education and they can be investigated by the Dept. of PE too if an advocate wants to report them for not cooperating. No school district wants to be punished with less funding or to be investigated. They behave in front of an advocate.
    If necessary, an advocate will take a school district to court on their dime, not yours. My advocate had won a few cases (not mine...we never had to go to court). None of this costs you anything.
    The service is there if you just utilize it. Good luck.
  9. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    Amen! I love it. I have used similar analogies. If one child had arms and the other did not - would you hold them both to the same standard when asking them to throw a ball? They really do not get it one bit.

    Re: the stealing of the snack incident - he missed lunch, he missed his favorite (football) at recess, he bought replacement cookies with his own money, and he wrote the kid an apology. That still was not enough. They insisted in in school suspension (again). :hamwheelsmilf:
  10. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    What MWM said about advocates is true, my services don't cost the parents I help a dime. My county sends grant funds to non profit I work for that they pay me with. Some advocates charge clients but many are also free (free doesn't mean substandard it means someone other then you is paying them).

    If you google your state and school advocates or children's mental health it should give you some leads on where to find an advocate. Good luck it sounds like you are into a real fight.

  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    The advocates at the department of public education are very pro-student. They don't have any alliegience to any school district and ALL of them are free. there is no reason for anyone not to have one unless they don't know about them and you won't hear about them from the school districts.
  12. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    Does this sound like what you are referring to?

    The Office of the Education Ombuds (OEO) resolves complaints, disputes, and problems between families and Washington State elementary and secondary public schools in all areas that affect student learning.
    OEO is a statewide agency that functions independently from the public school system. Our services are free, confidential and available to families and students from Kindergarten to 12th grade.
  13. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Jules - I'm going to assume you're in WA. I would very strongly recommend you contact PAVE. Outstanding parent-to-parent organization. I took an IEP training through them a gazillion years ago and they were just a wealth of information. Plus it's always a good thing to network with other parents in your area who know the ins and outs of what you're dealing with, as well as having firsthand experience with resources.
  14. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    Thanks slsh! I just found out PAVE is having a free IEP clinic tomorrow! I am trying to figure out how I can attend.
  15. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    Woooo Hooo - I have an advocate from PAVE! Yay and thanks again!

    by the way, she told me to send a certified letter to the school and spec services requesting all punitive measures stop - as the incidents are likely a manifestation of his disability and that he would be better served with a positive behavior plan - and also to request the FBA/BIP.
  16. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    I'm so happy you have someone to help you, having an advocate can make all the difference in the world. Good job Jules

  17. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Jules - I'm so glad PAVE is able to help you. It's been 20+ years since I was involved with them, so am very glad to hear they are as good as I remember. Really *really* good to have an advocate on your side. Hope things get better, soon!
  18. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    Here we go again with missing recess and having to write sentences until his hand hurts. I guess my letter didn't do a damn thing other than they (school & district) agreed to do the FBA but the behavioralist is very busy and cannot get to it before our iep next week. Any ideas??
  19. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    Maybe a letter from the pediatrician along the lines of needs the unstructured time to get fresh air, run off "the wiggles" and work on social skills with peers? Seriously recess & lunch were the 2 most important classes Angel had, needed the social skills training!

    My son was once required to write sentences at home - he did them on a computer, next day handed in the printout with a note from me attached notifying the teacher my child's IEP is about his disability pertaining to written language and asking if she made blind students find Waldo in the book as a punishment? In 11th grade my son read at grade level 25 but his writing was 2nd grade, TG in college they type everything!

  20. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    Nancy, you are just so awesome. I love your posts. You are dealing with so much right now and share it with honest rawness and twisted humor, then turn right around and help another hurting human parent. I doubt I would have ever made a peep fifteen years ago.

    You tell it like it is. I think you might keep a journal and turn it into a book one day.

    Sent from my iPhone using ConductDisorders