Hello all, I have been around just reading, trying to take some time to think of this on my own and let me tell you it is confusing me I am back and forth and may be making a mountain out of nothing. I also want to be upfront and say I only have ONE side of the story. First Justin is doing fantastic, as of 2 weeks ago he earned the chance to have his medications reduced by 1/2 and he has handled it just fine. With one exception, he seemed to be depressed, not very active and very tired. Our therapist says she is not sure if it is medications change in his body or what, give it more time. Well Saturday was Family day he seemed to be fine much more like himself I really saw no depression or anything different, he was talkative and acted pretty much same as other family days. Well just a bit of background, as most of you know we are working with Justin on the BM issue. He of course does allot of discussing his feelings with his group and counselors. He has grown very close to one of the supervisors I have known this for a number of months, no big deal all the boys seem to attach to their own favorite counselor at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Justin has made comments to me the this one (known in this post as ms. h) She is nice, she seems to really care, she helps me with this and that, I hope she is there to check me in (from home passes) ect... He first a short time after I arrived was talking about ms. h and saying he would like to be able to keep in contact with her after he is discharged, I told him I see no problem with that then he said well they have a no contact contract for two years after discharge counselors have no outside contact with past residents for privacy issue reasons, would I be willing to sign a letter giving permission. I told him if they allow us to do this then yes I would. He said cool OK. Well Saturday later after lunch Justin came to me and asked if he could "take a risk" with me... (this is a new learned skill for him, he is open to asking/telling me something intimate to him, WONDERFUL to me as it shows he is growing inside to me) He expressed, Dad, I think I am seeing how my BM really is and am ready to give up on her. But when I am 18 I may find her and only to ask why, but more so because I want to see my half brother and sister. I said that sounds fine to me if this is what you want to do at that time I will back you up. Then he says, I feel very close to ms. h she has always been there for me, she seems to really care, she is different than the other counselors/supervisors. ---- I said, awhh you have a crush on her? --- NO, I feel she is more of a Mom to me than that, (now I know Justin's "Crush" on a female look, and this is very different. So I believe him He said it feels different I have never felt this from an older female before and only had this feeling from you and Grammy in my life. But now I feel it from Ms. h OK - so my minds is thinking fast and maybe my mouth opened to fast too (I am a man after all) ugh, I say.... Well Justin now you see why I have told you many time, you deserve the love of a Mom, now you see and feel how it could feel if your BM was what she should be, he just smiled and said yes. (man I think I messed up there!!!!!!!!!!) He had told me also that no one knows how he feels about ms h but that one of the boys did find out, and also one of the male counselors found out as well. And this boy AND the male counselor had told Justin --- She is NOT your Mom and never will be and you will not have contact with her after discharge! A bit later he seemed upset, I asked what was wrong, he said well I am concerned, I think that the counselor is going to make me talk in in front of the group about my relationship with ms h ... it is private to me Dad and I will not do it. I asked, well Justin is it not OK to discuss it with out going into details of your feelings, just explain that you feel close to her and that she is just someone you feel you can be YOU with and talk to? He said no - this is very personal and I will not do it if they make me. He said can I talk to the therapist and let her know that I do not want to be confronted with this. I agreed. So I go to the therapist, I tell her I feel I know why Justin has been seeming depressed and lethargic the past week or so. I told her what he said about ms h (she said oh really OK now this makes sense - he is always trying to find time with her and reaching out to her we thought it was just a "crush" I told her no, I can tell this is no crush like he has on his probation officer (funny I know, but she is HOT)) anyway back to the story. She asked me if I knew the counselor name that had told Justin this, I said he told me but I had forgotten his name. The more important thing at this moment is he does not want to be confronted about this at this time, and i feel his desire to have something private for him is OK and should be respected, she agreed and said she will watch the situation. So -- I am not sure how this is going to pan out, I can see a huge heart break coming for this boy.... He finally is seeing his BM as what she is.... and (to me) is replacing bm with ms h Again.... I only have his side of the story.... however a kicker - she has been gone for about a week and will be gone for another week.. (vacation I think) well... she gave Justin a sweatshirt before she left, he was wearing it on family day... (they all seem to give one another clothes out there).. (out grow so they pass along to other boys) Does any of this make sense... what kind of explosion am I looking at ????????? or do I just accept that my boy is growing and maturing and seeing his mom as I see her?