it goes on and on

[RN0441]

My son sounds so much like yours when he was that age (minus the porn part)!

When they are minors it is VERY difficult. We always wanted our son to "be happy" and never wanted to get him upset. I wish I could do that over! Was afraid to get him mad. We have come so far.

I thank God every day that my son is an adult now and we have taken back control of our home. Peace at last.

Hang in there and stay strong.

 

[Littleboylost]

Why would therapist back up an illegal drug? Is she thinking it's hopeless and hopes he's arrested? This confuses me?? Doesn't it mAke you in a dangerous situation?

Your situation sounds so very familiar to my own. Our son is ours not adopted. He declares he has depression and has refused assesssment and time again. As far as I am concerned we made every mistake in the book. Trying not to make a big deal of the drug use...then frisking his room and breaking and destroying every piece of drug paraphernalia in the house. Grounding, pleading , therapists. He is now 17 would not get out of bed would not go to school. Would not get help from any source. Spiralled this last year, we. Knew other drugs had to be involved. We put the hammer down no drugs in the home or we will call the police. Caught him selling drugs from our home on Instagram. Of course it was not his it was for a friend. He ran and couch surfed for a week begged to come home. Not 3 days in and he had a big bag of week and cocaine on him. We made the call he was arrested. Now we have court dates and psychiatric refferals as well as bail meetings to attend to. He did a runner after we found him snoring oxy that he stole from me. Shocking to me they did not pull his bail bond. I now know they never will. Long story short he is off and on drugs I am sure of it. Brought drugs into the house last week. He declared it was only a gram of pot and that he threw it away. Took my car to purchase it. I was ready to throw in the towel, my husband wanted to give him one last chance. He has been behaving ever since ....but I feel like I am in the eye of the storm....waiting for the chaos to begin again. Had a job lost the job in less than 3 weeks. Got a pay cheque so has indicated he is out at a friends over night....my gut tells me that it is coming....I will have no trouble telling him to leave. I have learned to be smarter, and stronger and have leaned a lot about manipulation and gaslighting in the short while I have been on this site. Stay and you will find it a tremendous support of many brave parents. My sons out patient drug rehab couselor says they focus on harm reduction, as youth will continue to use. I said too bad zero tolerance my house my rules, he can use and find Bottom somewhere else. Having him arrested was my bottom. I truly thought it was his. Not a chance. I understand the mental illness thrown into the mix. I have a niece who is bipolar and an addict. It only makes their disease state worse. I am Canadian. And our Youth Justice Act makes it impossible to incarcerate them or divert them to rehab, he feels invincible now and refuses to anything but out patient rehab which is a Joke. Harm reduction and no drug testing.

 

[Littleboylost]

Aye carumba,,, and it goes on....Yes, I agree the therapists are for him and looking out for him, that is their job. sigh.... I DO NOT AGREE WITH THE WEED part at all, maybe I could give our local police the heads up when he is out and about?

Today, found my wallet dishevled and I think I am missing money. Credit card was moved and hubby checked XBOX. He has been wanting Gol LIVE, but we told him he needs to earn it. He bought XBOX live and two games. Guess it could have been worse, but stilll... did he take the money to go buy more Pot? Not sure, but will find out when he comes home from camp I guess soon.

I just dont like how we need to let him do these things with no consequences. Consequeneces dont' work anyway, so I guess that may be areason, but NOTHING WORKS, nothing!!! It is so frustrating. so i am just rather throwing up my arms and saying oh well, I'll just stay home and keep him home the rest of my life to keep him and society out of trouble, ay ye yye, The kid only wants to get high and do drugs. Anything we try to suggest or do with him, he says he will think aobut it and then never gets back to us. And if we make him do something he always looks so miserable and asks when it is going to be done or over.

I needed to go to urgent cars for a tetanus shot on Friday and he needed to come along, we were gone a whopping 65 minutes and he was complaining. Now mind you, I have spent countless hors in the ER and the hospital with his little princeness, but that will never matter now will it?

He willnot be smokiing in the house ever again, and until he gives me the money he took from my waller, I am holding his lighters ransome

If he can steal and buy drugs he will be quit able to fend for himself. I say your house your rules. The therapist sounds a bit too weak in my books. Just like my sons rehab couselor. Mental illness or not society has rules. He need to learn to follow the rules.

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

If he can steal and buy drugs he will be quit able to fend for himself. I say your house your rules. The therapist sounds a bit too weak in my books. Just like my sons rehab couselor. Mental illness or not society has rules. He need to learn to follow the rules.

Wholeheartedly agree. I would find a new therapist. Coddling him is not the answer. Trauma is not an excuse for illegal actions and disrespecting your family.

 

[mollyzuzu]

Well son just o'd on Coricidin. He is in the hospital right now and they are going to put him back to the Mental hospital tomorrow morning. The kid took 48 coricidin tablets on Tuesday night, was seizing and rigid as a board. Hubby could hardly get him into the van and hospital staff could hardly get him out. Now, the trauma therapist wants to discuss how we can diffuse the stressors more efectively. WTF?? please excuse my language, but come on!!! He came home from day camp on Tuesday just like any other day, I could not tell if he was stressed or happy as usual. WE ARE NOT PROFESSIONAL therapists. my goodness. Son even told social worker that he wanted to feel how it would be close to death with this medication. He does his research on the net.................arggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

As per thereapists.... have to give him his PSP and his Xbox. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

No we cannot get other therapists, he at least will talk to these, very little, but some. He is DONE with therapists

 

[BusynMember]

Thos is so awful. I am so sorry. I dont know what else to say.

 

[mof]

So sorry, I can hear your frustrations.

Hugs to you, so sorry

 

[RN0441]

So sorry to hear that you are dealing with all this. It's so exhausting.

The so called "experts" can leave your head spinning.

Please try to take care of yourself and the others in your home during this trying time.

I do hope you all get some relief soon. How much can we take as parents?

 

[Littleboylost]

First take time to take care of you. He is now safe and being observed in a safe environment. Regroup and recharge. My heart goes out to you.

 

[mollyzuzu]

Feeling down and sad. Son called me at 5:45Pm last nite bawling his eyes out from the hospital saying he was sorry and that he had made a terrible mistake, he really messed up an made a bad choice, are we coming to see him soon? I said we would be there as soon as I finished with supper. We got to the hospital around 7:15. He was quiet as usual. We wanted to hear the results of his latest ekg, because it had been abnormal and he could not leave to go to the mental hospital until it was normalized. The nurse for some reason couldn't give us the results, said the team would be in shortly. Well, we waited until 9:00 and gave up, went home and asked them to call us with results. His heart is fine and normalizing, but mine is breaking, was broken.

The nurse called at 10:30PM and told me that the doctor on call last night told my son that they would be taking him to the mental hospital some time today, he was not supposed to have been told ahead of time THAT'S why he called me, pleading in his way to stay home. I am in tears as I type. I know he has to go, but if we had known that "he knew" we could have at least told him good luck, hang in there, we'll be there soon to visit, you know what I mean?! I felt so bad, almost as if we were lieing to him by not saying anything or referring to the mental hospital. I just cried when I hung the phone up. I am thinikgi maybe I should hurry up right now and go to the hospital before he leaves.

sighhhhhh.

 

[mof]

We watched our son strapped to a bed to be transported 2 hrs to a mental ward. He never said a word, and if they had not found a spot for him we would of left for our 4 hr ride home.

Unfortunately, this was not his rock bottom, he's been through treatment and says he's fine even though I know weeks ago he relapsed, but for whatever reason lies about it, probably mostly to himself.

Keep your eyes and ears open, this could be a.great turnaround for him, you know he needs help.

Stay strong Mama, and be kind to yourself.

 

[Littleboylost]

Feeling down and sad. Son called me at 5:45Pm last nite bawling his eyes out from the hospital saying he was sorry and that he had made a terrible mistake, he really messed up an made a bad choice, are we coming to see him soon? I said we would be there as soon as I finished with supper. We got to the hospital around 7:15. He was quiet as usual. We wanted to hear the results of his latest ekg, because it had been abnormal and he could not leave to go to the mental hospital until it was normalized. The nurse for some reason couldn't give us the results, said the team would be in shortly. Well, we waited until 9:00 and gave up, went home and asked them to call us with results. His heart is fine and normalizing, but mine is breaking, was broken.

The nurse called at 10:30PM and told me that the doctor on call last night told my son that they would be taking him to the mental hospital some time today, he was not supposed to have been told ahead of time THAT'S why he called me, pleading in his way to stay home. I am in tears as I type. I know he has to go, but if we had known that "he knew" we could have at least told him good luck, hang in there, we'll be there soon to visit, you know what I mean?! I felt so bad, almost as if we were lieing to him by not saying anything or referring to the mental hospital. I just cried when I hung the phone up. I am thinikgi maybe I should hurry up right now and go to the hospital before he leaves.

sighhhhhh.

My heart is with you stay strong. We endure so much. He is healthy and safe and going to the right place. You can express to him that you were not aware of his cardiac reaults or the medical teams plan for him. You were there to love and support him.

 

[mollyzuzu]

Talked with the social worker from the mental hospital late last week. She questioned whether I told my son he could smoke pot in moderation or not. And I reluctantly said that I told him that "if only you could learn MODERARTION, everything you do is sooo much"! I also told my son that i do not agree with pot, it is illegal, don't want it in my house and I don't want him to smoke period. Also told her that trauma specialist suggested that we tell him not "to smoke IN the house". Well we told him that and lo and behold he was able to read betweeen the lines and smoked "outside" the house, then went on to the coricidan where he overdosed.

Social worker read me the riot act about him not being able to "smoke at ALL or do drugs at all" and by what we told him, it was sending mixed messages that it was okay to do what he was doing. So now we are to tell him NO DRUGS< NO POT< NO ALCOHOL. Well duh. But why then did the trauama specialist lead us to tell him to not smoke inside and to tell him when we had a function to go to so he can have a heads up not to smoke and be sober.

Now, the social worker asked for trauma spec. phone and email, guess I have gotten him in trouble and us too. He has helped us so much in the past 6 months learning the trauma that our son has gone through and how to talk to him without threatening or making hm upset. It was working if ever so slowly. I do hope he doesn't quit working with us. But I do hope we dont get or give off mixed messages anymore. sighhhhhhhh. i feel so bad. I all along did not want son using at ALL, not in moderation or anything and here we are. He may be coming home this week, so we get to try it all over again.

Oh and they took a couple of his new medications away for anxiety and depression that he was put on when he got out couple of months ago, so he was just chomping at the bit when we went to visit him this past weekend. sighhhhhh. To many variables.

 

[Littleboylost]

My son gets mixed messages from him Harm Reduction Drug Couselor and us. We say no drugs period. They allow him in harm reduction rehab and do not drug test him. I am standing firm that he needs more aggressive rehab. Real in patient rehab.

 

[RN0441]

Outpatient is a joke for most and parents run around like crazy people trying to juggle everything.

Thirty days minimum in patient is a good START. It's a very very long road my friend.

 

[mollyzuzu]

WEll, son came home from the mental hospital on the 27th of August. He was home just 2 days and had become very irritable and distant. We tried, the whole family tried to make him happy and tried to get him to engage, but nothing. On Tuesday, the first day of school he came home and I asked if he owuld like to go to the park with me, at furst he said yes and we started walking, he on his skateboard. We got one block and he exploded at me "you never let me alone, you never let me go anywhere alone". I took it to heart and explained I only wanted exercise and it was a beautfiul day to go with him. So, with tears in my eyes, I told him to just go with out me and I went home. He needed to come home for his watch. I told him to be home in twenty minutes. WEll, 40 minutes past and I started to worry if he had gotten into the pills again at the store and I went against my words. I went out to seach for him........again. I found him 8 blocks from home holding his skateboard waling in the direction of home. I asked if he wajnted a ride or did he want to walk, he said walk. He looked at me and said he didn't do anything, no drugs no smoke or anything.

Got home, he played his xbox in his room and thwn I heard the pot music go on and thought to myself I will not have to listen to this in my own home. I went into his room to tell him to turn that music off and noticed his pupils are the size of jupiter. He said that he smoked pot get off his case it's only pot, not drugs. So I told him he is at ZERO tolerance, no pot no drugs no alcohol as per the mental hopsoital. He repeated its ONLLY POT. Then, he started swaying and i said thsi is more than pot..I had him walk a line in the halway and he needed to use the walls to balanvce. He had taken two boxes or coricedan and robitussin AND smoked pot all at once. So, off to the emergency we go again, but this time he was only high, really really high but still. They kept him there and transferred him to childrens hosptital at 10PM. He was released yesterday and has gone to school today. I have not spoken to him much since. I am really sick of this and not sure how much more I can take, hubby too.

I just don't get why his AODA counselor does not have more that she can offer to him. Now his liver and heart are having difficulties. I am nmore worried about the drug seeking and they won't send him back to the mental hospital because it was not a suicide atempt.
I have just read the post from " prayers needed" and I am in tears for that family. So closely related here.

All son could keep saying in hospital the other nigfht is that I don't want to be a vegetabel I don't want to be a vegetable, my head doesn't feel right. Ma, please help....Aye ye ye. Then dont' do this.His nerves are becoming shot as well, the er doctor had a student come in to witness how his legs and arms reacted to stimuli.

I think it is a matter of time before he becomes a vegetable, really and all the specialists are just 'sitting ther, or so it seems' WE will get the blame and shame when something critical happens

 

[Littleboylost]

No words to say how I feel for you. Just lots of hugs.