It has been a week since she left.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Toughlovemom, Nov 2, 2015.

  1. Toughlovemom

    Toughlovemom New Member

    It has been a week of recovery. So many questions in my head.
    Does she believe her lies?
    What is she on?
    Will she ever change?
    Are my grandchildren safe?
    How did she learn this behavior?
    Will she end up in jail?
    I have read many forums on here. I see the same questions. I felt comfort to know this is normal. I have prayed all last week for peace.
    Detachment in progress.
    I have discovered other missing items. I am angry, devastated, and worried.
  2. Toughlovemom

    Toughlovemom New Member

    Got the energy up to pack up her stuff. I was emptying her drawers and pulled my stuff out. Wow will this ever end.
  3. I just signed up for this site because a coworker suggested that I find a support group for myself. I've been too busy trying to deal with my son and getting the help he needs to realize I need it too. I'm new to this. Your post grabbed me when I read it. I worry over the same things you do...
    Does he believe his lies?
    Are my other children safe?
    How did he learn this behavior?
    Will he grow up to be in jail?
    I too am angry and devastated, but I'm also embarrassed, afraid, scared, and very depressed. I am waiting on a reply from a residential treatment facility my son's therapist referred him too. I'm terrified he will be accepted, but I'm also terrified he won't. Does that make any sense?
  4. On another board I asked former drug addicts whether my son believed the lies he told. I was really concerned that maybe there was something mentally wrong with him. He sounded so believable when he'd lie to me that I'd end up second guessing myself.

    this is one of the responses I got from a long time member in recovery...

    I lied so much & hard that a "majority" of me accepted the false version.
    My true inner-self knew the truth but was over-ruled (drugs & booze helped keep the truth hidden)

    So yes, they believe their own lies.

    How old is your child Wendy?

    You ask if your other children are safe? Safe from what though? Does your Addicted child get volatile? Does he steal? Do your other children see the negative behavior from your addicted child? Are you spending more time dealing with the addicted child then the 'good' ones? His behavior is going to impact the family negatively. It's up to you how much you allow it to.

    You can't control what your son does, or even whether he chooses to get sober. That's got to be up to him. The only thing you can change is how you choose to deal with it. I'm sorry you're going through this. Hugs, L
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  5. Toughlovemom

    Toughlovemom New Member

    Yes you do make sense. It is so important for validation. It is ok. We are all here looking for validation. Sad thing is we read our story written by so many. It helps to know we are normal.
  6. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Hi @Toughlovemom ,
    I'm sorry you are dealing with all the uncertainty that goes with having an adult difficult child.

    Yes, she does. My son was so convincing when he would lie to me and I fell for it over and over. In order to make someone believe the "lie" they first have to believe it themselves.
    I got to the point with my son that if his lips were moving, he was lying.
    You probably don't want to know. I found out from someone other than my son that he had tried crystal meth. I felt sick. I knew he smoked a lot of pot and drank but to find out he was using stuff like that shook me to my core. I don't know if he's still using that stuff, from what I've heard it can get a hold of you pretty fast.
    I cannot dwell or worry about it as that will change nothing. My energy level is precious to me and I will no longer expend energy worrying because worry will never change a thing.
    It's a tough reality to accept but I had to in order to let go and move on with my life.
    That my friend is the ultimate question for every parent on this site. I have read stories about people who have pulled themselves out of some very dark places, so yes, any of our adult children can change but they have to want it, they have to become so tired of living the way they are.
    If you are concerned about their safety then you may already have your answer. There's the question of physical safety, do you think she would harm them? There's also the question of mental safety, what environment are they living in, what is she exposing them to? You may have to make a difficult decision to call child protective services.
    Oh I used to ask myself that same question. For me, I came to find that it really didn't matter. I know he did not learn it from me or my husband. Again, it comes down to what I was willing to expend my energy on. Even if I had an answer it would not change a thing.
    Her choices and her behavior will dictate if she ends up in jail.

    Again, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I'm glad you are here with us.

  7. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Hi @WendyLostandConfused ,

    Welcome to our site. If and when you are comfortable you can start your won thread.

    There are years of experience on these pages from warrior parents. This is a wonderful site to be able to vent without fear of being judged.

    I'm glad you are here with us.