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It is not the fear of homelessness, it is the fear of coming home
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 672331" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Aloha Kalahou, Thank you for your kindness in your reply, and the sign you sent. How wonderful to have answers such as this.</p><p> This is very true. I think, this is a twisted, westernized idea of "Ohana" because looking into olelo noe'au (Hawaiian proverbs), old stories and legends, the <em>expectation</em> of ohana was to be a <em>contributor</em>. The concept of laulima (many hands working together) and other Hawaiian cultural values point to this as well. My d cs abused the value of ohana to their own selfish advantage. It is sad. I see it all the time. Folks into their 70's, 80's with d cs living at home using drugs and <em>using </em>them. I do not want this to happen to our family. I cannot see myself living with that now, and in my older age. I did not kick my daughter out. I gave her rules. She refused to follow them. She kicked herself out, to be able to continue her lifestyle. That is the way I look at it.</p><p></p><p>I have seen cousins change after they have had to leave their parents homes because their actions became <em>so blatant</em>. They put themselves out due to their addiction and behaviors.</p><p>They were on the streets. </p><p>Then, they went to rehab. </p><p>Now I see them functioning. </p><p>If they had remained at home, I do not think this would have happened.</p><p></p><p> This is the dress code. Yes. Tornado (my other d c) explained to me that meth users eyes become sensitive to light. That is why they dress this way and go out at night. Darkness conceals the things they do. I used to call my daughter, the night walker. When they are high, they stay up for days, so they carry essential items in their backpacks. That is why they can sleep for days. My daughter used to always say that she was sick. Actually, she was withdrawing.</p><p>They also shoplift and steal to pay for meth, it is expensive, and the longer they use, the more they need. It is like heroin, it gets to the point where they need to use, just to feel good enough to function. It is a vicious cycle. </p><p>My daughter fooled us for a long time, Kalahou. We didn't want to believe it ourselves. Heck, I didn't even know that I found an ice pipe, when I did. I had to look it up.</p><p>There are signs, they wont admit it, but there are signs.</p><p></p><p> Yes, we get used to the excuses, the strange comings and goings. The more I allowed it to go on, the more we were taken advantage of. Daughter would take things from her sister, brother. Steal cash, <em>and blame them</em>. </p><p>I didn't buy it, I knew it was her. </p><p>We were just so desperate to help her, we could not see the writing on the wall.</p><p></p><p> Good Kalahou, no one, no one deserves to live this way. It is appalling and contrary to the<em> real </em>culture of old.</p><p></p><p>E ho‘ohuli ka lima i lalo.</p><p><em>Turn the hands down.</em></p><p>[When the palm of the hands face down they are occupied and productive.]</p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Hands down....not up</em>. </p><p>Hands up - constantly wanting, taking, is not cultural. </p><p>Hands down - working, helping, doing, that is cultural.</p><p></p><p>‘U‘uku ka hana, ‘u‘uku ka loa‘a.</p><p><em>Little work, little gain.</em></p><p>[You reap what you sow. If you give a little do not expect a large return.]</p><p></p><p></p><p>‘Ike aku, ‘ike mai. Kōkua aku, kōkua mai. Pēlā ka nohona ‘ohana.</p><p><em>Watch, observe. Help others and accept help. That is the family way.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em> I do have the picture, mahalo nui loa, Ka la hou. Thank you so very much for sending it. I am so blessed to have lived here long enough to recognize the gifts we receive from Ke Akua in signs, all around us. </p><p>Mahalo for sharing, the fact that it actually<em> is a sign</em> is priceless.</p><p></p><p>Anonymity is important, but I saw your name and knew, not who you are, but I knew. </p><p>(((Hugs and honi honi.)))</p><p></p><p>Meth in the islands is rampant. <em>It started here</em>.</p><p></p><p>From what I have learned of my hubs culture, by living where I do, and embracing it for myself and my children, I know that the Hawaiians of old, would not allow a disrespectful, lazy, inconsiderate, drug using adult child to remain in the home. I am talking of my daughter, for that is what she became.</p><p></p><p>Our cousins have said, "Why don't you put up a tent in the back for her?" I say, "Because I cannot, and will not tolerate her actions."</p><p></p><p>I do not mind helping my adult children who are trying to help themselves.</p><p>The concept of "Ohana" where multi generational families live together, tutus, makua, keiki, is magical, <em>as long as everyone is helping</em>. As long as everyone is respectful, following rules, working together.</p><p></p><p>Anything less than that,is disrespectful to the old traditions and values, and most of all, the whole and true meaning of ALOHA.</p><p></p><p>Mahalo nui Ka la hou</p><p>Me ke Aloha</p><p>Malama pono, A hui hou</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 672331, member: 19522"] Aloha Kalahou, Thank you for your kindness in your reply, and the sign you sent. How wonderful to have answers such as this. This is very true. I think, this is a twisted, westernized idea of "Ohana" because looking into olelo noe'au (Hawaiian proverbs), old stories and legends, the [I]expectation[/I] of ohana was to be a [I]contributor[/I]. The concept of laulima (many hands working together) and other Hawaiian cultural values point to this as well. My d cs abused the value of ohana to their own selfish advantage. It is sad. I see it all the time. Folks into their 70's, 80's with d cs living at home using drugs and [I]using [/I]them. I do not want this to happen to our family. I cannot see myself living with that now, and in my older age. I did not kick my daughter out. I gave her rules. She refused to follow them. She kicked herself out, to be able to continue her lifestyle. That is the way I look at it. I have seen cousins change after they have had to leave their parents homes because their actions became [I]so blatant[/I]. They put themselves out due to their addiction and behaviors. They were on the streets. Then, they went to rehab. Now I see them functioning. If they had remained at home, I do not think this would have happened. This is the dress code. Yes. Tornado (my other d c) explained to me that meth users eyes become sensitive to light. That is why they dress this way and go out at night. Darkness conceals the things they do. I used to call my daughter, the night walker. When they are high, they stay up for days, so they carry essential items in their backpacks. That is why they can sleep for days. My daughter used to always say that she was sick. Actually, she was withdrawing. They also shoplift and steal to pay for meth, it is expensive, and the longer they use, the more they need. It is like heroin, it gets to the point where they need to use, just to feel good enough to function. It is a vicious cycle. My daughter fooled us for a long time, Kalahou. We didn't want to believe it ourselves. Heck, I didn't even know that I found an ice pipe, when I did. I had to look it up. There are signs, they wont admit it, but there are signs. Yes, we get used to the excuses, the strange comings and goings. The more I allowed it to go on, the more we were taken advantage of. Daughter would take things from her sister, brother. Steal cash, [I]and blame them[/I]. I didn't buy it, I knew it was her. We were just so desperate to help her, we could not see the writing on the wall. Good Kalahou, no one, no one deserves to live this way. It is appalling and contrary to the[I] real [/I]culture of old. E ho‘ohuli ka lima i lalo. [I]Turn the hands down.[/I] [When the palm of the hands face down they are occupied and productive.] [I] Hands down....not up[/I]. Hands up - constantly wanting, taking, is not cultural. Hands down - working, helping, doing, that is cultural. ‘U‘uku ka hana, ‘u‘uku ka loa‘a. [I]Little work, little gain.[/I] [You reap what you sow. If you give a little do not expect a large return.] ‘Ike aku, ‘ike mai. Kōkua aku, kōkua mai. Pēlā ka nohona ‘ohana. [I]Watch, observe. Help others and accept help. That is the family way.[/I] [I] [/I] I do have the picture, mahalo nui loa, Ka la hou. Thank you so very much for sending it. I am so blessed to have lived here long enough to recognize the gifts we receive from Ke Akua in signs, all around us. Mahalo for sharing, the fact that it actually[I] is a sign[/I] is priceless. Anonymity is important, but I saw your name and knew, not who you are, but I knew. (((Hugs and honi honi.))) Meth in the islands is rampant. [I]It started here[/I]. From what I have learned of my hubs culture, by living where I do, and embracing it for myself and my children, I know that the Hawaiians of old, would not allow a disrespectful, lazy, inconsiderate, drug using adult child to remain in the home. I am talking of my daughter, for that is what she became. Our cousins have said, "Why don't you put up a tent in the back for her?" I say, "Because I cannot, and will not tolerate her actions." I do not mind helping my adult children who are trying to help themselves. The concept of "Ohana" where multi generational families live together, tutus, makua, keiki, is magical, [I]as long as everyone is helping[/I]. As long as everyone is respectful, following rules, working together. Anything less than that,is disrespectful to the old traditions and values, and most of all, the whole and true meaning of ALOHA. Mahalo nui Ka la hou Me ke Aloha Malama pono, A hui hou leafy [/QUOTE]
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It is not the fear of homelessness, it is the fear of coming home
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