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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 729068" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Marlboro and welcome. I am so sorry for your need to be here and for everything you have suffered.</p><p> Tears are more than understandable, (even a primordial scream now and then) I feel that it is important to recognize our own emotions and allow them to flow when the need arises.</p><p>Shunning is a terrible weapon, to have this manipulation put upon you by your own father, and years later your adult children is <em>unfathomable</em>.</p><p>What is one supposed to do?</p><p>I am glad that you are able to use positivity and meditation to help you through this. I find that movement helps me too, focusing on self care.</p><p>It takes a lot of work to get through this, but I feel life is too short to let the actions of others, <em>including my own adult children, </em>keep me from seeking peace and enjoying life’s blessings.</p><p>Acceptance of what is, is. So simple a concept and versed upon by philosophers of ancient times. So hard to put to practice.</p><p>Sigh.</p><p>Who knows why some of us have to deal with what we do? The unanswered question of the universe. But, here we are.</p><p>You have come to a good place here at CD, where you can safely share your feelings, folks understand the pain of it and support one another in finding our way through.</p><p>I think what is key is realizing we did the best job we could in raising our kids.</p><p>Whether it be mental illness, drugs, or just the times we live in, where there seems to be more adult children going off the rails and blaming parents for their woes, here we are.</p><p> Trying to make sense of it all.</p><p>Sometimes answers are hard to come by.</p><p>The thing is, we are people who have given a lot to our children. Sure we made mistakes, we are only human. Not many of us imagined being in the position we are in, when the kids were younger.</p><p>I am so sorry, that is a big kick in the gut and <em>heart</em>. It made me angry reading that. Really? Using your own grandchild for bullying and manipulation is a huge blow as well.</p><p> I am sorry.</p><p>You will find that is a common denominator with some grandparents posting here. Our adult kids know how to tug at our heart strings.</p><p>It is unacceptable.</p><p>Completely unacceptable.</p><p>We are not things to be manipulated and used.</p><p>You have value and worth as a human being.</p><p>You matter.</p><p>My two daughters are out there living their lifestyle and blaming me for their choices. They paint me as a horrible parent too. I fell into that trap for a while, then realized I did the best I could.</p><p>I refuse to enable them, so they are estranged as well. It can be challenging to deal with, but I have found that through prayer and switching focus, I am managing. I am thankful for the time I had with them under my care, try to focus on the blessings we shared. They are adults now and will choose as they wish. I have no control over what they do, or how they view me. I have learned through the years that I don’t need to see myself through their eyes. </p><p>You have found a good place to come and share your feelings Marlboro.</p><p>You are not alone, we are here and we understand the pain of it.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 729068, member: 19522"] Hi Marlboro and welcome. I am so sorry for your need to be here and for everything you have suffered. Tears are more than understandable, (even a primordial scream now and then) I feel that it is important to recognize our own emotions and allow them to flow when the need arises. Shunning is a terrible weapon, to have this manipulation put upon you by your own father, and years later your adult children is [I]unfathomable[/I]. What is one supposed to do? I am glad that you are able to use positivity and meditation to help you through this. I find that movement helps me too, focusing on self care. It takes a lot of work to get through this, but I feel life is too short to let the actions of others, [I]including my own adult children, [/I]keep me from seeking peace and enjoying life’s blessings. Acceptance of what is, is. So simple a concept and versed upon by philosophers of ancient times. So hard to put to practice. Sigh. Who knows why some of us have to deal with what we do? The unanswered question of the universe. But, here we are. You have come to a good place here at CD, where you can safely share your feelings, folks understand the pain of it and support one another in finding our way through. I think what is key is realizing we did the best job we could in raising our kids. Whether it be mental illness, drugs, or just the times we live in, where there seems to be more adult children going off the rails and blaming parents for their woes, here we are. Trying to make sense of it all. Sometimes answers are hard to come by. The thing is, we are people who have given a lot to our children. Sure we made mistakes, we are only human. Not many of us imagined being in the position we are in, when the kids were younger. I am so sorry, that is a big kick in the gut and [I]heart[/I]. It made me angry reading that. Really? Using your own grandchild for bullying and manipulation is a huge blow as well. I am sorry. You will find that is a common denominator with some grandparents posting here. Our adult kids know how to tug at our heart strings. It is unacceptable. Completely unacceptable. We are not things to be manipulated and used. You have value and worth as a human being. You matter. My two daughters are out there living their lifestyle and blaming me for their choices. They paint me as a horrible parent too. I fell into that trap for a while, then realized I did the best I could. I refuse to enable them, so they are estranged as well. It can be challenging to deal with, but I have found that through prayer and switching focus, I am managing. I am thankful for the time I had with them under my care, try to focus on the blessings we shared. They are adults now and will choose as they wish. I have no control over what they do, or how they view me. I have learned through the years that I don’t need to see myself through their eyes. You have found a good place to come and share your feelings Marlboro. You are not alone, we are here and we understand the pain of it. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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