It just keeps getting better

[PatriotsGirl]

I cleaned that disgusting landfill that was supposed to be her bedroom and found a meth pipe burrowed under some trash (a tube of glass broken at both ends, burnt at one end, smelled like chemicals) well within Connor's reach!!!!!!!!! I am @$!#& sick....

At least now it is cleaned, baby proofed and is his room now. I put some of his toys up there and he is loving it. He even keeps crawling into his race car bed to lay down so I am hoping this transition will be an easy one.

I interviewed a home daycare this morning. Connor went right in, lit up and started playing with the three other boys there. He was so happy and didn't hesitate one bit - just glowing. I couldn't get him to leave and the other boys were sad to see him go. He is going to love having other children to play with and I am hoping the routine will only help him through all of this. Sometimes he seems sad, but he hasn't gone around looking for her. I don't know what he senses.

I just cannot believe I was that blind!!! I swore I would know if she was using again. And I know that I had my suspicions but to find a pipe in her room??? Again??? Unflipping believable. I took pictures of it before I got rid of it and out of this house. Never again. She will never be in my house ever again. I can't even imagine her ever taking care of this child. The thought is extremely frightening...

I can't stand her. I really can't. I want nothing to do with her. What a sorry excuse of a human. An even sorrier excuse of a mother.

 

[Kathy813]

PG, I can understand what you are feeling right now. husband and I were just talking about how addicts are so self-absorbed while in the depths of their addiction that no one else really matters to them. I would be so angry at her, too.

{{{Hugs}}}

~Kathy

 

[GuideMe]

I know you are mad at her, I really do. She may be a sorry excuse for a mother right now, but she's not a sorry excuse for a human being. Reserve the sorry excuses for human beings, for the pedophiles, rapist, and the really morally depraved individuals. However, I know you are steaming pipping mad for all the damage she just caused as you should be, so I completely understand how you feel. I say some very terrible things about my difficult child too when I am very irritate at her as well, but at the end of the day, I don't mean it, not one bit and I know neither do you.

 

[BusynMember]

PG, Connor's reaction to his daycare and his little friends is a real testimony to the wonderful environment you and your husband are giving him. In spite of your daughter, he will be very loved and well cared for.

It makes sense to focus on Connor right now. Your daughter is an adult and now the ball is in her court. It is ok to feel how you feel. It is what it is.

I still think Connor is a lucky little boy to have such a wonderful, loving grandma.

 

[Nancy]

I'm sorry PG. I agree with Kathy and MWM. I would be very angry at her also but you are doing a wonderful job of making a safe and happy home for Connor. It sounds like you are getting things in order.

 

[dstc_99]

That would make me very upset too! I am glad Connor found his new daycare fun. It will make life easier for you and him.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Just the thought that she would be so careless about her addiction. The thought of him picking that up and putting it in his mouth enrages me!!!!! I am just sick and not feeling any good feelings about her...

 

[dstc_99]

Go ahead and be angry. You are right she put Connor, herself, and your household in danger. You all could have been arrested and had Connor taken away due to drug use in the house. Worst case scenario Connor could have gotten in to it and…..no comment needed there.

You will eventually start to mellow though and that is good to. Not that you need to forgive, forget, and bring her back home with a warm and fuzzy. Just that the anger will fade which is a good thing. A healthy thing. For you and for Connor and husband.

 

[Aimless]

Conner is very blessed to have you to care for him. Sending hugs and support as you move thru this stressful time.

 

[BusynMember]

Just the thought that she would be so careless about her addiction. The thought of him picking that up and putting it in his mouth enrages me!!!!! I am just sick and not feeling any good feelings about her...

PG, remember that she is a drug addict and my daughter slid about three times before she could do it. Not excusing her...I didn't excuse my own daughter...but it IS an illness that often includes slips. My daughter was the luckiest kid on earth regarding her drug use. It was extreme, yet she never did jail time, maybe because she was mostly a minor when she did it.

That does not mean I invalidate your disgust at her behavior. I felt the same way about both 37 and my daughter. Your feelings are valid and they are what they are. It is ok to totally have bottom basement feelings about our adult kids who do appalling, dangerous things. I think dsct is right and the feelings do tend to slowly get less intense, especially if they start to show improvements. She at least did not fight you on Connor!!!

And Connor is the main issue and he is safe, warm, loved and happy. He will look back at his childhood with good memories, wrapped up in your arms. By the time he is old enough to really understand, you never know...Daughter actually may have quit for the final time. Until now, you are doing a great job of loving your little grandson.

So now the important question...

I am not sure what I want my granddaughter to call me. She already calls her other grandma grandma. Are you a Nana, a granny, a grammy, something else? I so love my little granddaughter. It is a love that is impossible to describe, isn't it?

 

[PatriotsGirl]

You are all right. The anger has lessened but I truly see how bad her disease is...she needs serious, serious help and I don't think she should be around that child until she gets it.

He has slept in his bed the past two nights (with me in it, too, of course). He went to daycare this morning after we got up, got dressed and brushed our teeth. I am trying to get as much normalcy in his life as possible.

And I stopped at the courthouse to get the temporary guardianship papers to fill out. Next step will be bringing them to the jail for her to sign...one foot in front of the other...

 

[Lil]

PG, it sounds like you are doing everything exactly right. I'm so very sorry for all that's going on. I really can imagine how sick you felt, finding the pipe. I was sick just finding a pot pipe. But she's somewhere she can't get drugs and Connor is where he is safe.

 

[2much2recover]

Maybe after you get her to sign the guardianship papers, you may be interested in starting the eviction process while she is in jail.
FYI possession of a controlled substance by the parent is a felony in the following states:
"For example, in 20 States the manufacture or possession of methamphetamine in the presence of a child is a felony,
while in 9 States, the manufacture or possession of any
controlled substance in the presence of a child is considered a felony.
Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Delaware, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana,
Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Mexico,
North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Utah, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, and Wyoming
currently address the issue in their criminal statutes. *Arkansas, California, Colorado, Georgia, Illinois, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky,
Louisiana, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, New Hampshire, Ohio, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Virginia, Washington,
West Virginia, and Wyoming
https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/drugexposed.pdf
https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/define.pdf

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I found a pipe, but no drugs. The pipe is now gone, but I took pictures of it should I ever need it. But yes, you are exactly right - I completely forgot about the eviction process. We did not have to do that the first time because she chose to leave. Thanks!!

 

[2much2recover]

I didn't post the info thinking you could/would prosecute. (although that is a choice) I wanted to post it so that you know that you have leverage. I.E. I will not let you back in the house because you used drugs around the baby, a felony in this (?) state. Also to bolster you up for you to see that you are not the only one dealing with these issues, in fact these issues are so common that many states have had to enact laws to protect children from drug abusing parents.
It is good to see that protecting your GS is your number one priority. As with all addicts there is always hope that they can get clean - however, that should not be your focus. One would think that once your difficult child realizes that her actions have caused her to lose her son, she will be motivated to return to sobriety and stay there!

 

[2much2recover]

It also helps to know more of what is in your corner legally so you don't waste money on a lawyer telling you the same things.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I SOOOO appreciate the knowledge!!!! He has always been my number one focus - ever since I knew he existed in her belly...

 

[2much2recover]

by the way I NEVER let my difficult child KNOW when I have leverage - they think they know it all already
The more you know that they don't know, the less they can manipulate you. You are always in a bad situation once difficult child's have children to hold against you.
So count yourself ahead of the game

 

[2much2recover]

I also want to add that while I was legal guardian for my adult sister, I took Professional Guardianship classes. One of the things I learned was the concept of "best interest". I really liked that concept because it was always top of my agenda "what would my sister want if she wast making these decisions" and "what are her rights". Also I came up against a few people who didn't quite "get" guardianship. They would try to prevent me from gaining medical knowledge from me by siting HIPAA or "privacy rights" I had to say more than a few times "it is not my right to be here, it is my duty to be here/ to know.
Knowing this - can help you think out what are some of Connor's rights?
Maybe a list will help you.
To get you started:
He has the right to be in his own bed at a reasonable hour (not out running around in cars)
He has a right to a daily bath
He has the right to be fed on time and healthy food
Well you get the idea. These are whatever his rights are and wherever you feels she has been acting on her right to parent VS what the needs of the child are.

 

[MrsMcNear54]

PG-
Just wanted you to know that I'm keeping you all in prayer. Conner is one blessed little boy to have you in his life.
I so understand your disgust with her, been there done that. It seems unfathomable to us that a parent could do that to their own children.....but we aren't addicts and don't think the way they do.
It took Sweet Betsy several failed attemps, before she finally got clean. For most, it does. I agree with the others. This is HER issue to figure out. And you are left to pick up the pieces.
God Bless PG and hang in there.
Blessings!