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Parent Emeritus
It Just Keeps Getting Worse
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 651647" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>You are welcome. We have been where you are. I am sorry this is happening, but you are taking charge of your life and your money now, and that is a wonderful thing.</p><p></p><p>Next, you will reclaim the territory of the heart.</p><p></p><p>Then, you will reclaim yourself and your self esteem. It is very hard on us to love a self-destructive child.</p><p></p><p>It helped us to know in advance exactly what we would need to see from the child before we would give any money. Knowing what we would need to see from the child before we would give money made it easier for us to stick to our guns and say no even after our anger had passed.</p><p></p><p>It is working very well for us.</p><p></p><p>We used phrases like: "You were raised better." "Oh, that's too bad. What are you going to do?" "I know you will come through this beautifully." "You are strong and smart, and everything is going to be fine."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You know what they say. "No" is a complete sentence.</p><p></p><p>"I will never give you money again." Every time you say those words you will believe them more. Believe it or not, we are the ones we have to convince. It feels so wrong not to help. In this case though, you are correct in not helping.</p><p></p><p>For your child's sake, and for your own, you are correct in not helping.</p><p></p><p>Post here as often as you need to.</p><p></p><p>It is good for all of us to have a refresher course, too.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 651647, member: 17461"] You are welcome. We have been where you are. I am sorry this is happening, but you are taking charge of your life and your money now, and that is a wonderful thing. Next, you will reclaim the territory of the heart. Then, you will reclaim yourself and your self esteem. It is very hard on us to love a self-destructive child. It helped us to know in advance exactly what we would need to see from the child before we would give any money. Knowing what we would need to see from the child before we would give money made it easier for us to stick to our guns and say no even after our anger had passed. It is working very well for us. We used phrases like: "You were raised better." "Oh, that's too bad. What are you going to do?" "I know you will come through this beautifully." "You are strong and smart, and everything is going to be fine." You know what they say. "No" is a complete sentence. "I will never give you money again." Every time you say those words you will believe them more. Believe it or not, we are the ones we have to convince. It feels so wrong not to help. In this case though, you are correct in not helping. For your child's sake, and for your own, you are correct in not helping. Post here as often as you need to. It is good for all of us to have a refresher course, too. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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It Just Keeps Getting Worse
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