It was bound to happen.

[pasajes4]

He meets someone and they are immediately his friend. He's the same with women. If he likes a girl, it's love

This would be my youngest. Perhaps they are just intrinsically loving people and the world just might be a better place if more people would be this way.

 

[mof]

I echo that..just now son is starting to realize people you work with and meet aren't "friends"...the girl you text isn't the one forever...I never understood this. Yeah, the guys he drugged with were friends...uh yeah...till you died.

It's lonely starting over...he's lonely, it's hard...he's lucky to have his family. I tell him...keep making good choices, and good things and people will come...

 

[Lil]

Well, drama resolved...for now. Guy came back said his car was impounded? And then he got a new tire? Really? I asked where the guy got the money for that and the answer was he didn't know, he guessed someone helped him. I'm sure son knows he's pushed dammed near as far as he can. As for Jabber and I, we're exhausted and havd a ton to do tonight...

 

[pasajes4]

Get some rest. These kids are resourceful.

 

[RN0441]

Glad all is calm for now. I hope your son gets all his stuff out of this guy's car though.

Maybe he learned a life lesson here. The hard way of course. But isn't that how these kids make it??

 

[Snow White]

Wow! What a run-around. I'm glad that everything fell back into place. Hope your son doesn't make the same mistake again.

Now, you guys can get some rest. You deserve it!

 

[jetsam]

lil, this trusting thing drives me crazy. I think with my son is that due to the fact that growing up, my son didn't have many friends..i mean legitimate friends. he was always so all over the place that no one ever stuck around to become a friend, he was always desperate to bond with people on some level. unfortunately the only ones who really gave him the time of day were the undesirables. And off to the races we went.!! well he is 29 now and still to this day he meets someone and its "my friend so and so..." Are you kidding me?? you don't even know this person!! Much less his choice in "friends" leaves very much to be desired ! The choices they make...to this day i don't get it.

 

[Lil]

lil, this trusting thing drives me crazy. I think with my son is that due to the fact that growing up, my son didn't have many friends..i mean legitimate friends.

That sounds a lot like mine. He never had a lot of friends and he is desperate for them. When I suggested that we'd buy him a train ticket home, his response was, "I don't have anyone there; not anyone at all except you guys!" He's said over and over that he hated his "friends", couldn't stand them, they were stupid, they were awful one way or another. I've heard him say, "Don't you think I know that I'm smarter/better than those people?" When I would say, "Don't hang out with them." his response would be, "They're all I've got!" If you tell him to make different (decent) friends, he'd insist he can't...that people don't like him...that he doesn't know how...that it's not that easy.

He truly does not believe he can get by on his own. He didn't think he could live on his own, though he made enough money. He thinks he MUST have people to hang out with. He does not understand that to be a happy, complete person, you must be able to get by on your own; to be happy with your own company first. It makes me sad.

 

[RN0441]

Lil

I think that it takes time and maturity to learn that you can only really count on YOURSELF (other than your parents). He'll get it in time.

He's learning how to do for himself right now and to me, that is good. My son is doing that too right now.

Having a peaceful home is what you need right now and you have it. He'll figure it out.

 

[mof]

It's hard. My son is a bit lonely.. No friends to go out and do things with.. Cause they are not SOBER! So, he's staying over.. So hard.

He embraces us, his family... Coworkers, some are sober... Some not.. But work gets him out talking to people. No

He has to make the decision.. To " reinvent himself"....

Hope they All find it....

 

[A dad]

Nobody gets by on its own there is always someone else who helps you in some way. Be it emotional or material support there is someone there. For example thaf person who gave you your first job or second or third do you think that at 15 you where the best candidate no you where just first or he licked how you looked or other reasons. Lets not talk about emotional support we need that more then we like to admit lets be honest when its about friends and lovers did we all really made the best choices where we actually better I was not but I learned or better said my trust was repayed in the end when I finally found people I could really count on.

 

[Jabberwockey]

my trust was repayed in the end when I finally found people I could really count on.

That's one of our son's biggest problems. In the absence of people he can really count on, he will call anyone who pays him any attention his friend. Unfortunately, this also means he gives them his complete trust whether they deserve it or not. He isn't willing to take the time to make actual friends and the few he did have from school, he chased off by acting like a jackass towards them.

He claims he can't make friends but I think its more about the whole "immediate gratification" thing that millennial's tend to want. He doesn't get that true friendship takes time and is an investment on his part AND that of the "friend".

 

[Lil]

Be it emotional or material support there is someone there.

There's not always someone there for you. I had a good year+ when my son was very little, after I divorced his biofather and married Jabber, when it occurred to me that, if I dropped dead on Friday night, no one would miss me until I didn't show up for work on Monday morning. I had no one I socialized with; no one I even talked to on the phone. I had a toddler totally dependent on me, but no support for me.

But I'm speaking of being able to stand your own company; to be content when you are home alone; comfortable in your own skin. My son sees being alone in an apartment by himself as some sort of horror. He's said, when we'd try to tell him to get a one-bedroom or efficiency and NOT have a roommate, "...and I'll sit there all alone with no way to do anything or see anyone and just be suicidally depressed!" That's not a "healthy" attitude toward being alone. I've lived alone. I went to work and came home, did housework, watched TV, read a lot of books, went to bed, got up went to work and came home....rinse and repeat. But I wasn't suicidally depressed by having no social life. If I got too bored, I'd take a drive, stop for a beer, visit with strangers. I'd go to the library or go shopping. I had co-workers, but no close friends or family to visit or hang out with, but I was fine. I took vacations alone. I actually quite enjoyed it.

There's a saying that to love someone else, you have to love yourself first. I think that's true of friends. To have people like you and care about you, you have to like yourself first.

 

[Jabberwockey]

There's a saying that to love someone else, you have to love yourself first. I think that's true of friends. To have people like you and care about you, you have to like yourself first.

Very true.

 

[A dad]

Think from a motivation point of view when I am talking about emotional support think like this did it not made you stronger more stable and more motivated when you had to care of that little being?It did that for me quite a lot it gives you strength is my point.

 

[Lil]

Think from a motivation point of view when I am talking about emotional support think like this did it not made you stronger more stable and more motivated when you had to care of that little being?It did that for me quite a lot it gives you strength is my point.

Absolutely. But I had many periods of my life when it was the same. Where if I'd gone missing, I had no one who would have noticed until I didn't show for work. I just never thought about it until I had the thought that it would leave my child alone. I never noticed, because I was okay by myself. I didn't NEED people to be with. Do you see what I'm saying?

Actually, I needed people MORE after he came along.

 

[RN0441]

And I think most of our kids don't LIKE themselves, let alone LOVE themselves!

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry for all the drama. PLEASE don't think you CAN jinx anything with regard to your son. Nothing you do for yourself is going to cause bad things and/or drama to happen to and with him. Only his choices have that power. If you had that much power, his life would be awesomely wonderful because you only want the best for him. So make more time for yourself and do more nice things for yourself and Jabber.

As I read about what your son is doing, it sounds like junior high. Your son likely needs time and experience to grow up. I doubt there is much of anything you can do, other than encourage him to figure out possible solutions rather than just defaulting to whatever worst case scenario exists, at least until his brain finishes developing. Do and send how much or little makes YOU comfortable, and able to sleep at night.

I am sorry that all this conflama capped off your vacation!

 

[A dad]

My

Absolutely. But I had many periods of my life when it was the same. Where if I'd gone missing, I had no one who would have noticed until I didn't show for work. I just never thought about it until I had the thought that it would leave my child alone. I never noticed, because I was okay by myself. I didn't NEED people to be with. Do you see what I'm saying?

Actually, I needed people MORE after he came along.

My train of thought was different while for a short while I was sure at some point my parents or siblings will notice I am gone that gave me a lot of comfort and piece of mind.

 

[jetsam]

I keep reading give time and experience, Maturing...my son is 29 and this stuff hasn't gotten any better. He still hates being by himself, gets bored easily, and when he was in his own place (had roommates not friends) he felt very lonely and subsequently had relapse which led to job loss etc.. I feel these kids have other issues going on that feed this fear and seem to paralyze them from moving forward i don't know . its very frustrating to watch! as well as just plain sad. as much of a PITA he is , I still feel bad for him. I do agree that you need to feel comfortable and like yourself to be able to be ok with being alone. I never had a problem with it ,actually enjoyed it a lot of the time.