It was sister who tried to turn dad against me...I'm done with her

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by MidwestMom, Mar 22, 2009.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    She read him an e-mail I sent when I was distraught about the house, which left a lot of stuff out because I didn't want her to know everything. Suffice to say it hurt my dad's feelings and I'm so done with her. I have had major falling outs with sis three times. Of all the nuts and fruits in my family (myself being one) her and my mom were the meanest ones. She can be really nice, but she can twist a knife in your back and not think twice about it. She thinks nothing of spreading private information you confided in her. I am convinced that she was a part of my problems with my mom too. I'm glad my dad isn't completely snowed by her.
    She didn't like something I did and threatened to tell my father if I didn't stop. You know what? Let her.
    I don't ever want to speak to her again.
    My hub has always despised her and warned me to stay away from her.
    Jeez, I sure hate it when my hub is right. :mad::D
    I feel a lot better now. I just have to remember that, when Sis comes crawling back to me for moral support, she's just going to stab me in the back again. I have this "fix it" gene, but she's going to have to take care of herself from now on. I'm so gone.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sounds like you've got a good detachment attitude going. :)

    Toxic sibs and toxic, NOT.

  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    My dad called people like that an "arm's length" friend. Ok to be around, as long as you keep her an arm's length away.

  4. ML

    ML Guest

    You just can't ever let her in close, period. That's not to say at some point you can't forgive her and see her on occasion and be pleasant or if she ***** you into her drama when she need "fixing", it's ok as long as you don't give from that reserve saved for those you trust. Your true family. The ones who love you and think you're wonderful. ML
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    If you can manage it, it is possible to keep people like that at arm's length but always make sure you can NEVER be accused of saying somerthing to them.

    For example, my creepy stalker (who has been behaving himself for years now). Although I have spent years cutting him dead in public, I am comfortable with saying hello when we pass as long as there are independent witnesses that I have not divulged any information nor said anything which can be quoted against me. At one point I said, "Hello" to him as I was walking past, and I later heard he was telling people I swore at him. As there had been witnesses I immediately went to my witness and asked him to verify that I had not said anything other than "hello."

    There have been many times I wanted to confide in someone. Other things such ascollecting medications from the pharmacy - the pharmacist is clued up to not let ANYONE see what prescriptions I collect, even the most innocent-looking. I bring a large flour bag and our medications get put into that, and the pharmacy staff know to not mention the name of anything. I've already had my stalker announce to half of Sydney that I'm an addict, that I'm unstable, that I have Munchhauesne's by proxy, that...

    So I even stopped confiding in my closest friends, although over time I have learnt who I can trust to keep mouths shut, and who to not risk confiding in.

    It has been tough at times, wanting to unburden to a good friend but not being able to say anything.

    The important thing to always remember - nobody values your secrets and the need for secrecy, more than you do yourself. Never confide in someone what you want kept secret, unless you're prepared for it to slip out. Especially if you have a'stalker' who is a skilled interrogator. A friend minding a confidence is less motivated to keep mouths shut, than you yourself. The best way to ensure that friends won't accidentally leak to someone masquerading as a good friend concerned for you, is for your friends to simply not know anything.

    Example - I've told people this one before. I was asked by a friend how my job was going, I mentioned how we'd put the latest journal issue to bed (it had gone to the printer, the rush was over) and how I was enjoying a few weeks' lull before the next rush.
    SHe next went to the coffee shop and I can picture the scene - person masquerading as 'friend' of mine asks how I'm going, she says something like, "she's enjoying a few quieter weeks at work now the latest issue is finished."
    Next thing I hear, everyone is being told by 'friend' (aka stalker), "Poor Marg, she's had her hours cut back and is about to lose her job."

    I had made an innocent remark to a genunine friend, I hadn't even said, "Keep it to yourself" because I really didn't think there was anything in what I said that could be twisted - and the creep found the chink, stuck in a knife and twisted it.

    So I learned to REALLY pull my head in about confiding in people, even good friends. When someone I met said, "Hi, How are you?" I learned to reply with, "Hi! Great to see you!" in reply, certainly not answering how I was. THAT info has been locked away for a long time now. And it's amazing how few people ever notice that you didn't answer how you were.

    So now your sister is in the same category. And your father. But it shouldn't be too difficult for you - all you have to do is remember to get them talking about themselves, they will never realise you've not told them anything about yourself or your opinions. What is more, they will consider you to be a witty and sparkling conversationalist, without ever realising or thinking about you not having said a word other than, "Tell me how things have been for you."

    it's amazing how witty people think you are, when you say, "uh-huh" at all the right points.

  6. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    I have a close family member that I would NEVER, EVER confide in. She just does not keep a confidence. I have learned over the years (like yourself in this situation) that I vent to someone safe.

    Sorry sis has broken confidence and your heart. Family should be above that.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Since my sister has shown a willingness to come between me and my father in a vicious way (by mega-lying) I don't feel comfortable being even an arms-length acquaintance with her while he is still alive. I value my relationship with my father too much. Once he is gone, we'll see. There will be nothing left for her to ruin. Right now, well, she is somebody to avoid. This isn't the first time she has done stuff to me. She calls the cops on me too, and I never know when she'll do it or what will tick her off. And telling her to get help doesn't work. I think she believes she is normal. So I'm going to wait until my father has passed to even consider it. Unfortunately, he is vulnerable to her lies and exaggerations and she will hurt him to get what she wants. My mother hated me. I'm not going to let my father leave this world having any regrets between us. And that means letting Sis deal with her own considerable problems. This is a woman who tells her husband, "I hate you. I never loved you. I just want a divorce." But she won't leave because she has no place to stay and can't afford anywhere in the posh area she lives in. She's a real piece of work. LOL, I'm sure she thinks I am too, so you're only hearing one side. However, suffice to say, she won't be in my life.
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    It is her loss. You are a valued member of this CD family MWM. Love, ML
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Snakes rarely if ever change their hiss. Don't be conned into picking one up again. You knew what she was a long time ago.

    Hugs and more hugs for your hurt.

    Here's to healing!
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Jeez, I sure hate it when my hub is right. :mad::D

    LOL. What the heck. He's got to be right once in a lifetime.

    I feel a lot better now. I just have to remember that, when Sis comes crawling back to me for moral support, she's just going to stab me in the back again. I have this "fix it" gene, but she's going to have to take care of herself from now on. I'm so gone.

    I agree, arm's length is hardly far enough. Don't call her, and if she calls you, tell her you're too busy to talk.
    Best of luck. I feel for you.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ah, this is the note you were referrring to. I went back and read the other thread and got confused.
    I'm glad you're working things out. Sigh.
  12. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Bottom line? Some sibs are nuts! I'm one of 5 girls and 1 boy. The second to last has made my youngest sis's life a living hell FOREVER! Now the youngest has multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia and many other physical issues, I'm the only one that will spend time with her. She's my friend and I'll fight for her. ALL of the others have bought into "psycho sis'" meanness.

    Well, my dad just told my youngest sis that psycho sis has just been diagnosed with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) and that she and I should be nice to her. We've been nice the whole time, but once again he feels sorry for psycho sis and that we need to sympathize with her. Heck - it can't have anything to do with the fact that she's been smoking mother nature non-stop since she's 14 years old and 2 packs of cigarettes a day (followed by bong hits several times a day).

    She and I haven't spoken in 2 years (some of you may remember when she was smearing me all over the internet last year). She hasn't even seen the new baby.

    Arms length is too close when they've got a mean streak with a smattering of the martyr complex. Screen your calls and move on. ;)

    You have us - and we love you!

  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks all. I have no interest in talking to her in the near future. Like I said, she can't hurt me anymore once my dad is gone. Maybe then, but only sparingly. Right now, well, I think she had a lot to do with my mother's hatred of me and I'm keeping her farrrrrrrrrrrrrr away.