Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
It was very peaceful while my son was in jail
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 666622" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Thank you to everyone for responding. Each answer helped me in processing this change in status. </p><p></p><p>He didn't call back and I didn't go buy anything. </p><p></p><p>This morning as I was washing my face and hurriedly putting on my make up for work (this is a very short event for me...I am missing the "make yourself pretty" gene") my phone rang, from the same number as yestarday, and my blood pressure shot up, because I was already late, already rushing. </p><p></p><p>And I realized...I don't have to answer. This isn't a good time for me.</p><p></p><p>Its funny that that is a big deal..because I often choose to not answer my phone...whether calls from him or from anyone else. If it isn't convenient for me...I don't pick up. But somehow right now I am in a new and agitated place...I felt I HAD to answer, and that made me defensive and irritable.</p><p></p><p>But I don't. And I didn't. He'll call later. If it is convenient, I'll pick up.</p><p></p><p>The issue of the clothes is, for now, on hold in my mind.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Simple and yet true...funny that we have to be reminded. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>yes, that is just what I am afraid of, and just what I am doing. And trying to not do. But I can FEEL that I am there. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Cedar, I can't tell you how many times this memory has been a touchdown in my survival. I tell it to others, I laugh about it myself, I hold it close. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is very true. Learning to love them. I'm afraid this kind of parenting doesn't feel loving or generous to them either...that is a hard thing. But I do know that it is better for them. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thats OK. We are way cooler. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. I remember the theme of empowering them, showing them that we believed in their abilities to figure it out. That seems very very important to me. My SO sometimes points out that it is simply amazing that my son has survived on streets all this time...I mean...who has the wherewithalto do that?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you for this. It is very heartwarming to have my old friends welcome me back. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, I've been at a place for a while now (and I can see that you too are in the same place) where my work is about what is going on in MY head and heart..not his. My work is mine, and his is his. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is very true and helpful. He does know I love him. SOmetimes his requests are just flyers...he would much rather I do not do them, if they are going to agitate me. He's just asking...nothing wrong with that. I need to remember that. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We have very similar toolboxes! I spent last evening and this early morning on my rooftop, which is a container garden in full, end of summer, luxurious, overgrown bloom. Set against the city skyline it is very very beautiful to me. I'm not sure why I ever leave it. And I pulled out a randomly chosen Pema Chodron book again. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you for this warm welcome!!!! It is really nice to be among friends. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That made me laugh out loud. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You know, this is something. I get a lot of joy from my animals, and the more so when they are happy. I often have a little parade of two big dogs and a tiny cat walking with me from room to room...they walk single file, and I find it very charming. Sometimes they race each other up the stairs at bedtime, when they array themselves around my room. Joy in animals. More beauty. Make some tea (coffee). These are part of the tool box. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, this is definitely a thing to remember. I only rarely keep a journal, but when I do I am often amazed to be reminded of where I was last month, or last year...sometimes I am amazed at how I have failed to make progress, and sometimes I am amazed at how far I've come. It is a similar "tool" to remembering that it is possible to do nothing...everything will be different in a month. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you, Apple. Part of this journey for all of us is keeping shame or embarassment at bay. Sometimes its hard to admit to struggling. This is a safe place (see mission statement), and your welcome makes it the more so.</p><p></p><p>Visiting hours are on the weekends, apparently. If he isn't in blackout I do think I will go see him. I haven't seen him since before he went to jail 5 months ago. He tells me he was 135 pounds when he went to jail, and is 185 now (staying off drugs will do that). He is 5'11, so that 135 would have upset me. His public defender tells me he looks very hipster and handsome (!!!). It would be nice to see him, especially if he isn't smelly and street....</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 666622, member: 17269"] Thank you to everyone for responding. Each answer helped me in processing this change in status. He didn't call back and I didn't go buy anything. This morning as I was washing my face and hurriedly putting on my make up for work (this is a very short event for me...I am missing the "make yourself pretty" gene") my phone rang, from the same number as yestarday, and my blood pressure shot up, because I was already late, already rushing. And I realized...I don't have to answer. This isn't a good time for me. Its funny that that is a big deal..because I often choose to not answer my phone...whether calls from him or from anyone else. If it isn't convenient for me...I don't pick up. But somehow right now I am in a new and agitated place...I felt I HAD to answer, and that made me defensive and irritable. But I don't. And I didn't. He'll call later. If it is convenient, I'll pick up. The issue of the clothes is, for now, on hold in my mind. Simple and yet true...funny that we have to be reminded. yes, that is just what I am afraid of, and just what I am doing. And trying to not do. But I can FEEL that I am there. Cedar, I can't tell you how many times this memory has been a touchdown in my survival. I tell it to others, I laugh about it myself, I hold it close. This is very true. Learning to love them. I'm afraid this kind of parenting doesn't feel loving or generous to them either...that is a hard thing. But I do know that it is better for them. Thats OK. We are way cooler. Yes. I remember the theme of empowering them, showing them that we believed in their abilities to figure it out. That seems very very important to me. My SO sometimes points out that it is simply amazing that my son has survived on streets all this time...I mean...who has the wherewithalto do that? Thank you for this. It is very heartwarming to have my old friends welcome me back. Yes, I've been at a place for a while now (and I can see that you too are in the same place) where my work is about what is going on in MY head and heart..not his. My work is mine, and his is his. This is very true and helpful. He does know I love him. SOmetimes his requests are just flyers...he would much rather I do not do them, if they are going to agitate me. He's just asking...nothing wrong with that. I need to remember that. We have very similar toolboxes! I spent last evening and this early morning on my rooftop, which is a container garden in full, end of summer, luxurious, overgrown bloom. Set against the city skyline it is very very beautiful to me. I'm not sure why I ever leave it. And I pulled out a randomly chosen Pema Chodron book again. Thank you for this warm welcome!!!! It is really nice to be among friends. That made me laugh out loud. You know, this is something. I get a lot of joy from my animals, and the more so when they are happy. I often have a little parade of two big dogs and a tiny cat walking with me from room to room...they walk single file, and I find it very charming. Sometimes they race each other up the stairs at bedtime, when they array themselves around my room. Joy in animals. More beauty. Make some tea (coffee). These are part of the tool box. Yes, this is definitely a thing to remember. I only rarely keep a journal, but when I do I am often amazed to be reminded of where I was last month, or last year...sometimes I am amazed at how I have failed to make progress, and sometimes I am amazed at how far I've come. It is a similar "tool" to remembering that it is possible to do nothing...everything will be different in a month. Thank you, Apple. Part of this journey for all of us is keeping shame or embarassment at bay. Sometimes its hard to admit to struggling. This is a safe place (see mission statement), and your welcome makes it the more so. Visiting hours are on the weekends, apparently. If he isn't in blackout I do think I will go see him. I haven't seen him since before he went to jail 5 months ago. He tells me he was 135 pounds when he went to jail, and is 185 now (staying off drugs will do that). He is 5'11, so that 135 would have upset me. His public defender tells me he looks very hipster and handsome (!!!). It would be nice to see him, especially if he isn't smelly and street.... Echo [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
It was very peaceful while my son was in jail
Top