Well, realizing that the only thing that I can change is myself, I'm starting with today. Over the weekend while I was having my Pity Party, I couldn't stop thinking about that old '60's adage "Today is the first day of the rest of my life." Or is that AA? Whatever. I'm going to try to make it work for me. Today. husband and I agreed that we have to have a talk with L about being grown up enough to understand that a reconciliation with my family is just not going to happen for me, and she needs to stop pushing for it. I know she thinks that she can fix things with us and M too, but we need to let her know that when we want her help we will ask for it. I feel really strongly that I shouldn't need to explain my decisions about my family to anyone. L's relationship with them is not my relationship with them and she can't ever understand it in a way that will make her able to fix it. It's actually kind of sad, because I am so much a raw nerve right now that I can't even imagine her trying her hand at "M says he wants to try to reconcile things with you after the holidays." We're going to have to nip her participation in that in the bud and convince her to just let it be and let it happen, don't force it. Thank you all for being with me through this sad awful weekend. Today I'm looking up, and I'll try to keep it that way. I scare myself when I let myself get so down. It feels better to know that I can feel a little bit better though. If I can feel a little bit better, then I suppose I can feel a lot better. Poor husband. He had a miserable Christmas too.