Its been a long time But

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by losttheplot, Jun 18, 2008.

  1. losttheplot

    losttheplot Guest

    I have been gone for so long my email has changed and I am no longer able to log in under Wolonfab so I'm back under a new name.....

    MY difficult child has recently added Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (nope he isn't a foster kid) and ODD to his name...but finally they accept there is no ADHD..... they say he will most likely get anti social personality disorder later on... he is still un-medicated as we worry he may try self harm again otherwise and I wont do anti- psychotics yet

    To top it all off his father has been diagnosed too....They diagnosed him with Bipolar I, Paranoia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), PTSD and Narscisitc Personality Disorder... difficult children grandfather and uncle have antisocial personality disorder and Paranoia...there is also schizophrenia ..... so I now understand where difficult children problems may have come from...

    difficult child has been getting into every bit of trouble he can at school and so we are having to apply for a special placement for him..... He has lost his throat clearing tic and developed a foul mouth instead which has the dept of educ in an uproar.... He is angry and mean and thinks he is unloved and not wanted....

    His father has decided after 7 years of no contact that he wants difficult child full time (I just applied for support) and I have to laugh cause he says there is a school in the US than can fix his autistic qualities and make him all better... My son doesn't know bout his father so i can just imagine how its going to go over when I have to tell him.....

    I am just really tired and feel like i am losing it and no one gets just how much this kid puts us trough some times...and I am sure i have it no where near as hard as a lot of you..... I just missing seeing my baby smile and happy..... he is just so angry and down all the time.....and the school don't know what to do anymore.....

    gee its good to be back ho,me...Now someone remind me that it aint that bad please
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome back-sorry things are so difficult. I can understand why you are so worn down. Are you able to get any time for yourself? I know it's hard but it is so important to take care of you. Gentle hugs.
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Lost The Plot - love the name - you need to find your "plot". You need all the help you can get at the moment. Plot out every day. You are facing a battle in more than one area of your life.

    So, does difficult child's dad live in the U.S.? It just amazes me when parents ho have no contact for years walzes into the picture expecting every right under the sun.

    It has to be beyond frustrating to have a child who displays anger and is angry and mean.

    "Aint that bad?" I am sure you are having many moments that it is just plain horrid. However, you are taking the steps needed to get difficult child the help he needs and no matter the outcome, as long as you do your best, you can say you have done what you could.

    Keep us informed as to the latest. Hang on tight to the good times - share them with us - we understand that why what some parents think of as expected everyday good times are really special moments for moms of difficult children. We celebrate even the smallest of successes. We do understand.
  4. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Sounds like you have your hands full. So sorry things are so rough right now. Only parents like us could ever understand how difficult it is raising the kinds of kids we have. There are times (pretty much every hour on the hour) when I just feel like running away, packing my things and taking off. It gets so overwhelming sometimes, it just never ends!!! So I, along with everyone else on this website totally understand how you are feeling. Wish I had some magic advise for you that would actually make a difference, unfortunately I am still looking for that miracle myself. So know your not alone and try and hang in there.

    God bless :)
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I can't imagine your daily struggle, but I do understand. Welcome back.
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Hi, welcome back. I didn't recognise you in the other thread where I replied to you. Just totally ignore whatever I said to you about Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), won't you? I know you've gone down that road very thoroughly.

    As for his father - surely he can't be serious? Does he know what he is really like? If you objected, I'm sure he would never be permitted to take difficult child out of Australia. Can you imagine the costs he would have to deal with, with health issues in the US? At least here it's a lot cheaper with Medicare, etc.

    Have you been able to get Carer Payment (or whatever)? Centrelink can be utter ****s sometimes, but you have the right of appeal, and if you still feel like you're getting nowhere, you can always do what I just did - go to your local Federal MP and scream. Or ask Carers NSW for advice.

    I've been wondering how you were getting on, afraid it wasn't too good.

    Good luck with the studies, I think you'll do really well. You've got a good brain.

  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Welcome back. Sorry to hear about all of the turmoil. :( Your ex sounds like he is full of hot air. If he hasn't been seeing your difficult child, he's not just going to get custody like that. He'll have to start by paying child support, and working his way into visitation. If I were you, I'd ask for a psychiatric evaluation to prove fitness to see your difficult child, given that this man had the audacity to walk out on him all these years without so much as a backward glance.

    Keep your head up, and don't give up on your son. There's always hope.
  8. losttheplot

    losttheplot Guest

    Hi all......

    Yes Marg i was lucky to get carers pension for difficult child after fighting and winging and complaining...we were accepted on difficult children birthday of all days due to his dangerous psychiatric problems they say.... they said no and then two days later changed their mind...go figure....

    so I am studying My BASS at home and so far have had 2 distinctions on assignments so feeling pretty pleased and glad that one day i shall be helping kids like my own get the help they need... small dreams...huh.....

    the ex thinks its as easy as him saying i want him and then poof he has him...though to be honest a break of a few mths (cause thats how long he would last) would be awesome..... I think the big thing in the USA is that the ex now has to pay where as with his other two kids he just handed over his rights and that was that.....I have emails from his wife though that talk of his mental state, videotaping of women without them knowing and abuse etc so I have proof he isn't allowed to see difficult child without supervision...
    and if they move here like they are threatening he will never get to see him ALONE.

    I called a lawyer who said theres not a chance they would take a kid who is a self harmer and violent away from what he knows cause his anxiety would go through the roof. You all know what difficult children are like when their routines get screwed up...he did try and hurt himself just after christmas again with a scarf and went for his sisters throat recently so I am not too eager to change anything ........ the lawyer did say the ex may be allowed phone calls (i have offered him them for yrs ) ... ...

    on a good note we were lucky to get accepted for $5000 worth of respite this year so difficult child is gonna have some him time were he gets a break from my winging he says..... got to love his way of thinking sometimes....
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome back.
    I'm glad you're getting some answers, at any rate, about difficult child's medication history. Sounds like you're on top of it. (Sounds like you're pretty tight with-your ex's wife, too. She must be pulling her hair out.)
    I'm glad you talked to a lawyer and got some info on custody and visitation. Definitely, don't take difficult child out of a safe environment. He's got enough problems as it is. Your respite should help in that regard.
    So sorry.
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    You sound like you really are pulling out all stops. Unfortunately, he's still not getting the help he really needs - but it's certainly not through any lack on your part.

    Good news about the respite - I hope it works out well.

    I'm very glad you got the Carer's Pension. We only get Carer Payment, and that's only for difficult child 3 since difficult child 1 was spending nights away from home. I'm going to fight to get it reinstated after he is married, so his wife can get the Carer payment (although on her income, she might get Carer Pension). She's a wonderful girl and really does know what she is in for. It gives me home for ALL our difficult children, that they grow up to find someone as good an influence as this, prepared to take on the load.

    Is there any way Centrelink would go after the father for back payment of support? The prospect of this might slow down his ambitions there...