It's been a while - update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by catwoman, Jan 26, 2009.

  1. catwoman

    catwoman New Member

    Hi everyone, I haven't posted in quite a while. I think last time was shortly after difficult child and I had connected. Things were going ok, he and his girlfriend were coming out for weekend visits now and then, I saw him on holidays, when I went to NJ to visit the grandkids I would stay at his apartment for a night, just a nice long distance relationship. He's working full time and in school but still struggling horribly emotionally because he won't take medications.

    In the Spring he and his sister had an argument and I refused to get in the middle of it, as far as I'm concerned they were both wrong. I told each of them that they needed to work it out with each other, I'm not taking sides. After that things changed. The last time I saw him was in October and I felt like he was uncomfortable with me. Then he stopped coming to visit and stopped answering his phone, wouldn't return my calls for days. Then he just stopped returning my calls, period. I called his girlfriend just to say please give me a call so I know you guys are ok. She and I have always gotten along really well. She didn't return my calls either. That was a few weeks ago. Then tonight difficult child calls me and says he's not mad at me but needs space because he still has issues. Then he starts sobbing and going on about hearing a song on the radio and it reminds him of when his father and I were together. We've been divorced for 13 years, his father's remarried. Whenever I tried to say anything he screamed at me to stop talking, and then finally yelled at me "lose my number" and hung up on me.
    I'm so upset right now and I can't think straight. Part of me is worried sick because he sounded horrible and I've always been afraid he'll hurt himself. The other part of me is furious because I'm so sick of taking all the blame for the damn divorce. He's still got issue?! What about my issues? I spent 20 miserable years with his idiot father. I'm so sick and tired of being blamed for every single thing that's wrong with this kid's life.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending gentle hugs to you. I don't have any ideas, but I will listen if you want to talk. Lots and lots of gentle hugs.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    This is coming from a person who's parents divorced and remarried so many times that between the 2 of them....I've lost count. And I do mean it with kindness.

    difficult child needs to s uck it up already. He needs to stop worrying about a divorce that happened 13 yrs ago and get his own act together. I don't mean to sound as overly harsh as that probably did. But what I'm getting at is that difficult child is using the divorce as an excuse to continue on with the same old same old routine and not get the help he needs. He needs someone to blame because otherwise he has only himself. Know what I mean??

    Do not let it make you feel guilty. You did what you did because it was what you needed to do. It's not up to him to decide whether it was right or wrong.

    So sorry he's playing the blame game. I wonder if he's plunged into depression? Sounds like maybe.

    Sending warm ((((hugs)))) your way. Hope he snaps back to his senses (or goes for medications) soon.
  4. catwoman

    catwoman New Member

    Thanks Lisa, you're absolutely right. After posting last night I was able to calm down and use what I've learned here to let it go. I've no idea what triggered all this, I never do when he "flips out." I worry a lot about his girlfriend, she is a sweetheart and thinks she can "fix" him. She e-mailed me last night to tell me not to worry.