It's been awhile...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by LitlPixy, Sep 19, 2008.

  1. LitlPixy

    LitlPixy New Member

    Wow, it's been a long time since I've been here. difficult child is now living at her dad's, three states away. I thought there would be relief of some sort. I guess there is in a way. I feel lost right now. SHE is what I did all day. If I wasn't actively dealing with her, then I was worrying about her.
    The first day of school, I walked around the house all day, not sure what to do with myself. I've since replaced that with sleeping. I know, I know, I need to call my therapist. *sigh*
    The few times I've talked or texted with difficult child, she was nasty with LOTS of attitude. I ended up in tears. I just want my little girl back.
    This is bad, but I can't help but hope she's giving the ex what she's been giving me. Not very Christian-like, now is it? husband wants me to start cleaning her room out. I've tried explaining to him that I'm not at that point yet.
    How do you stop the "what ifs" and "if onlies..." from crowding your thoughts? I have disected almost every year of her life.

    Sad Sack aka LitlPixy
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Is she better with Dad? Will it get better? You have to look at the goals and the future. Focus on yourself and other children if difficult child is doing well. Try to be the positive in her life.
    Sorry it is hard. I can not imagine feeling the emptiness and loss. I think with time you will fill those with hope.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry you are hurting.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry for your hurting mommy heart. I know this must be very difficult.
  5. MyFriendKita

    MyFriendKita Member

    When we first started having major problems with our son, I did the same thing you're doing. I thought maybe he wouldn't have had problems if we hadn't moved, if I hadn't gone back to work, etc. But then I realized, all we had done was love our son. We hadn't mistreated him in any way; everything we had done was out of love for him and a desire to do what was best for him. I'm sure you did the same with your daughter, and I'm sure she will come back to you after she gets all of this out of her system(our son did). by the way, with our son, the ages from 15 to 17 were the absolute worst. He absolutely hated us during those years...and we weren't too fond of him, either. It will get better.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Our kids are wired differently than other kids. this isn't your fault and he isn't going to hold this against you forever. He's a teen!
    Your hub is being very insensitive. I'd calmly tell him: "I love my son. This hurts me and I'm not ready to clean his room yet. You do want me to be in shape for the other kids, don't you? Well, then let me grieve my own way." If he doesn't respond to a logical explanation, he isn't a very caring man.
    I'm sorry you are hurting.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I can only imagine what you are going through. When my son went to camp for a mo, I thought about him, worried about him, and wrote him every single day.
    I have no idea why I was so worried; they did an excellent job and he thrived. Sigh.

    Sounds like your daughter hasn't changed at all, if she's acting like that on the phone. Is she like that with-your ex, too?

    Don't clean out the rm until you're good and ready. It's up to you and you only.