It's been awhile....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hopeful97, Feb 11, 2018.

  1. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    Hello everyone, it's been a long time since I posted and a lot, a lot has happened. We are extremely happy to have just celebrated our first grandchild's 1st birthday .

    I am seeking some input.... here's the explanation. Our 2nd son is back in prison. He got out on probation 10-17-17 after serving 4 months (I think). The judge told him before he went to prison "I do not want to see you back in this court young man, it won't be pretty." He goes before that judge Wednesday. He went back into prison on 12-14-17. So that said, I'll try to make this as short as possible, he got into a high speed chase with the police with him ending up crashing into 3 other vehicles.The original charges he was out on probation for were 2 burglaries in the 2nd degree and receiving stolen property. Now he is being charged with probation violation; breaking and entering, robbery in the 2nd degree 2 different incidents. Stealing a car. Stealing a pick up truck. He has not been charged yet in regard to the police chase, accident, which there were injuries and he had a loaded pistol and drugs. My husband went to see him last week and he held paperwork up he was served to the glass so hubby could read. At the bottom of one of the court documents it said "2nd son deemed not fit for society". This portion or our family journey and for the past several years has been extremely difficult and we are blessed that it has brought my husband, myself, our 1st son and his fiance so much closer. Back to my inquiry, does it mean that my son will go to a psychiatric prison? We just don't know and would like some input. 2nd son has several mental health diagnosis and that in no way shape or form excuses his behavior. Thank you for listening and letting me share Hopeful
     
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  2. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Hopeful97, I am so sad to hear your story. It is truly heart breaking. I have read of cases where you do not think it will end good but it does, many people even if we can't see it now do make a move to the better side and stay there. I am happy that you do have a good son that is healing for your heart. I wish you love and send you compassion all around your broken heart.
     
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  3. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    Thank you newstart we are very blessed with our little granddaughter she is a huge ray of sunshine. Hard not to go overboard especially since her father is in prison for probably a very long time.
     
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  4. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Hopeful97 You are so lucky to have your bundle of sunshine. I am so glad she is in the world to lift your heart and bring a smile to your soul.
    My daughter was PG last March and due last Dec. I was so looking forward to being a grandmother but she miscarried. Even though I grieved hard for that little one it was also a blessing because the babies parents would have made life a living hell for everyone and I know would have used that baby to their advantage.
    I felt so much deep sadness and relief at the same time. I am so happy you can enjoy your little shinning bundle of love.
     
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  5. Tired mama

    Tired mama Active Member

    In my experience Mental health and the court system are not always compatible. I am not familiar with the phrase " not fit for society". I do know that there is a mental heath court that can order and monitor treatment. That might be an option.
     
  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hopeful97, you've sure been thru the ringer with your son. I'm sorry it's been so difficult.
    I am not familiar with the phrase "not fit for society" either. Perhaps contacting your son's probation officer?
    Just wanted you to know I am reading along and sending prayers for you, your family and your son. Let us know how your son's court date on Wednesday goes.
    Hang in there Hopeful, you're not alone......
     
  7. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Hopeful! OMG it has been so long since you have posted, I have wondered how you have been. I am sorry for your need to be here again. I don't know the answer to your question. I do remember your posts here and how destructive your son was at home, how difficult your path was when he had to leave. I am sending prayers for your family and hope that you and your husband are well. Please let us know how you are doing.
    Many hugs.
    Leafy
     
  8. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Hopeful:

    Don't know anything just wanted to send prayers and good thoughts your way.

    I'm sorry you are going through this. But as you have said, you also have many blessings!
     
  9. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am wondering if you could ask for mental health diversion? We can do that here on Canada not so sure about your laws and courts.

    Big hugs to you.
     
  10. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    Leafy, So very sorry to hear about your husband. I'm doing ok, one day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time. Constantly saying to myself Let go and Let God. There has been a lot going on. I thank God for leading me to AL Anon. Son number 2, as you know, was removed from our home the day after his 18th birthday. He has been in and out of jail and prison. He has a child, a beautiful little girl. She is a HUMONGOUS BLESSING A RAY OF SUNSHINE! He went to jail just after she was born, she just turned 1 a couple weeks ago. We get to see her all the time, also a HUGE BLESSING! #2 sent to prison not long after in jail. Was out mid October 2017 and went back in mid December 2017. During the time he was out he got into more serious trouble than before. He is not only facing probation violation for the 2nd time but several more felonies. All charges are not yet known. He was in prison for his 19th and 20th birthdays. We are not sure but believe he could be facing 15 or 20+. This may sound selfish or terrible or how ever you want to put it; but I think me and hubby's stress/anxiety levels will go down a lot once we know all the charges and the final sentence. #1 son is now divorced the marriage lasted about 18 months, she got pregnant with another man's child. We almost lost our #1 son, it was truly awful. I am having lots of joint and muscle aches due to cancer medicine. I absolutely cannot wait until spring, I'm so ready to bring some of my plants outside and start gardening outside. Cabin fever is rampant..., we are ready to go camping, fishing and swimmimg. Hope to here from you soon. So sorry it's been so long since I posted. I think I am going through sort of a mourning because #2 is most probably going to miss his daughter growing up and also miss the better part of his life. On that note I'd better go, I don't want to start the tears tonight. Going to see #2 tomorrow and its going to be very difficult he is all over the place mentally. His February court dates have been continued to March. Huge Hugs
     
  11. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    Update. All of #2 sons charges still not known. 2 February court dates have been continued to March. He is most likely going to be facing 15 or 20+ years. Not knowing all charges and final sentence is stressful. I don't know why but it is.
     
  12. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Hopeful
    You must find away to detach and care for yourself. Your body needs all the strength and energy it can get to help you through your illness.
    It is a flippant statement tocaome for Alanon followed it is a life line
    IT IS WHAT IT IS
    No amount of stress and worry will ever change that. I have meditated on this and focused very much on the spirit of this saying. It has had a tremendous benefit on my health and my ability to detach. Please take care of yourself.
     
  13. Tired mama

    Tired mama Active Member

    I am so sorry for your troubles with both of your sons and with your own health. I agree that worrying about your sons is not helping you. I truly hope things are resolved to the point you can find some peace and concentrate on getting well so you can enjoy time with your grandaughter.
     
  14. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hopeful, I'm so sorry, you have a lot on your plate. Not knowing the charges and what is going to happen next is living in so much uncertainty, I can understand why you would be stressed. Once you know, you can all begin to adjust to the new reality, whatever it is.

    Please find ways to care for yourself, focus on YOUR needs, nourish yourself, put yourself first. Do whatever you can to reduce the stress so that you can heal.

    Saying prayers for you, your family and your health. Take care of YOU......you matter too.....
     
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