It's done and dusted - difficult child graduated, YIPPEE!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SuZir, Dec 6, 2012.

  1. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    There were many long, long nights I lied in my bed awake and didn't dare to hope this day would ever come. But it did! And what a glorious feeling it is. My baby graduated from high school and is done with school for now. And he did it with extremely good grades and scores. When he is done with his sport career and decides to go back to school, those results will keep all the doors open for him. I'm so very proud of him! After all the struggles, all the fight to even get him to school, all the koi - he did it!

    Also a party went just fine. We were able to polish our manners with our shoes and turn on our 'discreet charm.' Even mother in law was an epitome of proud granny. With that I'm grateful for difficult child deciding to invite also his girlfriend's parents. I'm not sure mother in law would had bothered to behave just to honour difficult child but to impress those new people, sure. Though she certainly did throw a fit in the way to the party. Bad enough for father in law needing to stop the car and her getting out of car and starting to walk back home, in snowstorm and 10F, in her high heels and about 100 miles away from home. I think I have before claimed that there are no gfgness in husband's family tree. I may need to take a rain check for that...

    But as I said, she was a perfect granny in the party, also husband played a proud daddy to a tee and even difficult child was able to let his tough fall in sports go and show happy face. And the food was good - that is always big with mine, when not feed well things tend to turn bad.

    difficult child didn't go to his graduation ceremony but I did go to pick up his diploma so he would have that in the party and not have it come with mail some time next week. difficult child also cleaned the award and grant table quite thoroughly, apparently their fall graduate bunch wasn't that impressive so difficult child ended up almost his two month salary worth of awards and grants. Good for him.

    Even if difficult child wanted to keep this hush and only wanted small party etc. he got congratulated by many. His team and his team mates made a thing out of it and he got some very thoughtful gifts and he had received surprisingly many cards and even gifts from many people like former coaches, team mates etc. Even from the team he was kicked out from because his own actions. I really hope difficult child took a note of underlying message on them, or in some even very out spelled message, that he does matter, not only his performance. I think it easy to anyone in very competitive environment start to consider their worth depending from their performance and achievements. And with someone like difficult child who has very low self-worth it is given. And having so tough time with his sport performance this fall really has made a number of difficult child emotionally.

    Even me and husband were able to talk about difficult child and things leading there we are now without a fight first time in long time after a party. We were in fact able to make up a bit and agree we need some marital counselling. husband even admitted he has tough time relating difficult child. That is a start I guess.

    I'm quite emotional over this. In our culture graduation is huge milestone, much bigger than for example turning 18. Till they graduate they are school children, after that they are truly considered young adults. And with difficult child graduating we even got back some normalcy. Now we don't have to explain why difficult child is out of home. Now it is just normal, he is done with school and moved out to take a next step in his life. Just like everyone else's kids.
  2. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Congratulations difficult child and family! It was a group effort, and I can hear the relief in your post! I'm so glad he maintained very good grades and got all those will be useful when/if sports career becomes secondary. It's great when things go right for a change, and I'm glad you and husband are back on track. Sincere congratulations!
  3. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Congrats to your difficult child! And to you as parents, getting kids this far to adulthood is accomplishment, even more with difficult children. I have to say, I feel your pride bursting but I also share that pride. I realize your difficult child has his continued strug'gles, however I have to say I also greatly admire his tenacity. In the face of at times being his own worst enemy with his difficult child'ness, he has managed to leave home sooner than most, and juggle a relationship, education and a intense sport career. Not to mention controlling his gambling, trying to improve his social skills and impulse issues, adapting to independent living and learning to navigate providers of services etc more independently. Wow, your difficult child is becoming a force to be reckoned with. I know that the difficult child part of him may place hurdles in his way, but these experiences and accomplishments are so much more than playing a sport or getting a diploma. He is learning fantastic and vital life lessons that will help him accomplish many more things in life.

    I am glad the party went well. I remember how concerned you were when he didn't want the more traditional gathering. It sounds like it went off smoothly and how wonderful that he got grants etc. I'm glad you got that proud mama graduation moment. It may not have been the ceremony, but you had it none the less and I bet you feel great. Woot woot!
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Congratulations. It's hard not to join in feeling proud of kids who accomplish goals here, even though to the outside world we are strangers, to me it just doesn't feel that way. Your guy really matters to me and I'm sure he wouldn't want to know that! LOL, that's ok, as my sister says, our kids just can't have too much love. That energy does help them.
    Do you think his not having divided attention will help him overall, reduced anxiety and more time to practice? I hope he feels proud of himself and can feel as you said, that he matters to so many. A nice box to save all those cards would be in order for sure!
    Congrats to you too. I hope you and husband (and even easy child) can enjoy your accomplishment too. It really was not the easiest road! Many hugs and pats on the back. Love, Dee
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thanks for sharing such an "up" and lovely post. It made me smile. It made me just a tiny bit teary. I am so happy that this milestone brought such pleasure to everyone. As a matter of fact I'm not going to read one more post right now so I can get ready for work thinking positive thoughts. Many hugs. DDD
  6. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Congratulations on such a great accomplishment! :)
  7. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Congratulations to difficult child - what a great accomplishment!
  8. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Congratulations to you both. It is nice to hear something good. Love it!!!
  9. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Wonderful news! Congrats to you both! :)
  10. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone. It really feels good to be done with his school issues. And even better that it worked out so well in the end. I knew he was smart from the beginning but at that time that didn't help much with school. But somewhere down the road there was a point where the learning and knowing the stuff started to over-ride jumping the hoops and that was a point there it started to work out for difficult child.

    Mattsmom: I was at the ceremony even though difficult child wasn't. It was nice to see other kids get their diplomas and other proud parents there. It was also somewhat eye-opening for me. I always think difficult child childish and immature for his age, being behind his age group. And in some ways he certainly is. But there are ways he isn't and on the contrary during the last two years he did grow out from being a school kid and he really would had been out of place in that ceremony. It's odd but somehow he has developed very uneven 'maturity profile' along the way. There are areas he is behind and lacking skills, but there are also areas he is more mature than his peers. Living independently, working and spending time mostly with adults, making his ends meet, having to meet adult expectations in some areas of life, all that have changed him a lot during this time.

    His unexpected leap to perfectionism regarding his finals certainly upped the anxiety, but other than that I don't believe his school work has bothered him overall. And certainly not his sport. On the contrary his mental coach (still loving the guy) has recommended that difficult child would think about taking a college class(es) for spring (same kind I'm taking. They are normal university level classes, but open enrolment. You can't get a degree doing only them but you can add them to your degree studies when you are enrolled to university as an actual degree student.) He is all about balance and he thinks difficult child needs more to do and less time to think about his sport outside of practise. After all there are only so many movies and tv shows you can watch to kill time. Too much free time just keeps him too tangled to his sport performance. Taking a class or two or coming up with other hobby would also give him more social opportunities. difficult child lives in university town and he could either go on with his interest in math or take some business classes. No one has ever been hurt by knowing how to read annual accounts and other financial reports even if they are not interested about studying business per se. Chemistry would unfortunately likely be too inflexible for difficult child in this time. There would be no way he would be able to attend all classes and labs due to his schedule. These classes would be very pressure free for difficult child. They are fairly cheap (tuitions tend to be between 50 to 100 dollars a class) and if he ever enrols to university he could either add those classes to his degree or not to, totally his choice. So dropping them or having a bad grade wouldn't matter at all. As you probably gathered, I do like the idea ;)

    I have to say I was little surprised how many had taken time and send him a card, many with very nice thoughts. I guess I tend to get caught up on how annoying and obnoxious difficult child can be. There is an other side in him too and that makes some people care. I guess part of it is this certain vulnerability he has. Even though he tries to hide it, it shines through and makes some people want to kick him and push him down and others to protect him. And luckily (at least lucky for my faith for humanity) those wanting to protect and help him do outnumber those wanting to bully him.
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2012
  11. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Oh, I forgot to mention one more thing that made me happy. Seeing the grandpa's watch on his wrist. It really meant a lot to be able to give that watch forward to him. Now the watch is back to my safety deposit box and no idea when he may have any occasion or interest to use it again, but still.

    The other watch we gave him to actually use - well - it is orange. But he seemed to think it is cool so I guess that is what matters. And he got his beats, not from mother in law and father in law but from his club. That was also cool.