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It's falling apart
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 713924" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Unfortunately, drama is the life blood of a borderline, it doesn't usually get better which is why it becomes imperative for those in the borderline's orbit to learn to detach.</p><p></p><p>If the parents of the father would like the 5 year old, perhaps they can submit temporary guardianship papers to the courts. I had temporary and then permanent guardianship of my granddaughter and in order to obtain the temp. guardianship. you must prove to the courts that the child is in some kind of danger. It would appear that a 5 year old, potentially living on the streets would be enough to prove danger. As crummy a choice as CPS often turns out to be, it might be a better choice than a 4 month old living on the streets. </p><p></p><p>Telling you that your granddaughter would prefer living on the streets rather than live with you, a "bad mother" is extremely cruel. You help her and she abuses you. Don't put up with it anymore. Don't pay for anything anymore. It is not your responsibility or your fault. You know you can't control her, fix her, or change her, only she can do that. I know first hand how hard it is to walk away, I've been put in the same position as you find yourself in......forced to detach from my daughter who has not shown the ability to make good choices. It has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. But if our kids choose to never do anything to help themselves, won't change or seek help, then there is absolutely nothing we can do......and enabling them erodes our own lives until we don't have a life.</p><p></p><p>If I had not had an enormous amount of professional support, not only therapy, but weekly support groups lead by therapists who were trained in codependency issues and mental illness, I don't think I would have ever escaped the FOG. It is so hard to do without support. </p><p></p><p>You are in a terrible situation created by your daughter. Don't join her in the hell she lives in. Step out and learn to respond differently. I began looking at this as a difficult life lesson in learning how to accept what I cannot change. Acceptance, for me, was what ultimately made the difference. There is so much we have absolutely no control over in life, but we humans persist in believing we do.....giving up that illusion saved my life. It's a long journey, a very hard journey, but in learning to accept what we cannot change frees us up and brings a deep sense of peace, <em>regardless of what our kids are doing.</em> I didn't think that could happen, but it can if we are willing to let go......not an easy choice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 713924, member: 13542"] Unfortunately, drama is the life blood of a borderline, it doesn't usually get better which is why it becomes imperative for those in the borderline's orbit to learn to detach. If the parents of the father would like the 5 year old, perhaps they can submit temporary guardianship papers to the courts. I had temporary and then permanent guardianship of my granddaughter and in order to obtain the temp. guardianship. you must prove to the courts that the child is in some kind of danger. It would appear that a 5 year old, potentially living on the streets would be enough to prove danger. As crummy a choice as CPS often turns out to be, it might be a better choice than a 4 month old living on the streets. Telling you that your granddaughter would prefer living on the streets rather than live with you, a "bad mother" is extremely cruel. You help her and she abuses you. Don't put up with it anymore. Don't pay for anything anymore. It is not your responsibility or your fault. You know you can't control her, fix her, or change her, only she can do that. I know first hand how hard it is to walk away, I've been put in the same position as you find yourself in......forced to detach from my daughter who has not shown the ability to make good choices. It has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. But if our kids choose to never do anything to help themselves, won't change or seek help, then there is absolutely nothing we can do......and enabling them erodes our own lives until we don't have a life. If I had not had an enormous amount of professional support, not only therapy, but weekly support groups lead by therapists who were trained in codependency issues and mental illness, I don't think I would have ever escaped the FOG. It is so hard to do without support. You are in a terrible situation created by your daughter. Don't join her in the hell she lives in. Step out and learn to respond differently. I began looking at this as a difficult life lesson in learning how to accept what I cannot change. Acceptance, for me, was what ultimately made the difference. There is so much we have absolutely no control over in life, but we humans persist in believing we do.....giving up that illusion saved my life. It's a long journey, a very hard journey, but in learning to accept what we cannot change frees us up and brings a deep sense of peace, [I]regardless of what our kids are doing.[/I] I didn't think that could happen, but it can if we are willing to let go......not an easy choice. [/QUOTE]
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