It's going to be an interesting year.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Sep 11, 2008.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I can tell. kt has had an issue with a young man in 2 of her classes. He sits "too close & won't respect my boundaries" & then "touches me & that's sexual harassment".

    Okay, I've not been there to see what's what. I'm going to ask mental health care manager to step in today. In the meantime, yesterday this young man stepped over the line, in kt's mind. She hit him with her Spanish book - he responded in a rather violent manner which had kt slammed up against a wall. It took several staff to pull this student off of kt. All in all, an ugly incident.

    kt was with a counselor & mentioned that she wished she had her PRN medications ~ maybe she should have had one before the first class with this young man & she could have calmed down. counselor calls me yesterday to inform me that kt is suspended for today & she is requesting a script for kt's PRN medications to have at school. Well, she doesn't have permission to contact psychiatrist - I'll have to do that. AND I know what psychiatrist is going to tell school. Deal with it. They are the professionals & if there is an issue between these 2 students they better find a way for these 2 students to be in the same room together with-o sedating them every day.

    kt is home today - upset that she's been suspended. "Mom, I won't get into the cosmetology school I want to because of this." I have a call into kt's therapist to discuss this & hope he has better answers than school who told kt that this boy has a crush on her.

    kt has been in day treatment for the last 2.5 years & they have taught her things - one of them was how to protect herself. For that, I am proud.

    Geez.......I guess it's about time for that one on one for kt in this new program. kt has some learning to do, but she also must be protected. I want her in mainstream with a one on one or back in day treatment. My baby will not be hurt again.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They better figure it out! Kt should not have to deal with this! I'm glad she has learned to protect herself and you have every reason to be proud. I hope this situation is resolved soon!
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    So, by school's standard boy is allowed to do anything because he has a crush on KT? What a jerk!!! I hope he got a much longer suspension.

    Again, the victim gets in trouble for trying to push the bully away! Ugh

    KT, you keep protecting yourself. If teachers won't put a stop to it then you continue to do what you must to protect your space. If you feel someone is violating and you have asked someone to make them stop that should be good enough. You have identified your space and no one can come into it.

    Has KT filed a written report with the school? She should write up everything and turn it in as a written complaint. The school needs to protect our kids - there is no excuse for this behavior - the bully needs to be disciplined, not the victim.
  4. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Good luck with your fight. Kt should be protected and in an enviroment where she can focus on learning. I assume that she is some tyoe of self-contained program within the school system. This is the battle we are fighting right now as well. My son is in a small class with a group of other children with emotional difficulties. They feed off each other and there is more chaos than learning. We are fighting for 1:1 support right now--it's been an uphill battle and we aare now in the appeal stage.

    Good luck getting the situation resolved. Kt has been doing so well and it would be such a shame if this leads to a set back. You are smart to be proactive.

  5. Good luck! KT sounds like she has been doing so well, you don't want to lose all that progress she has made.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry the school is placing kt in harm's way. I will never understand why the victim is punished for defending herself. I have heard all of the so-called reasons behind this policy and don't buy any of htem.

    I think school does not need the prn medications, the school needs to protect kt. The other boy may have to be moved to a dfferent schedule, it seems to me that he could become quite detrimental to kt's progress if this continues.

    Please tell kt that I am proud of her for standing up for herself. She should NOT be punished for the school's lack of protection for her.

    And telling her that the boy had a crush on her is just not helpful. It doesn't matter that he "likes her" or whatever.

    I hope the psychiatrist rips school a new one. They really DO need to find a better way.

    Hugs to you and kt.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Good job, KT! It's good that she was able to verbalize the problem, and wrong of the school not to listen to her. Sounds to me like Mom needs to MAKE them listen.
  8. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I agree, you both have come way to far to let some ignorant uncaring fools hurt you now.
    Tell KT to stand up for herself and keep teaching her that she has a right to protect herself.
    An aide sounds good.
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Thank you ladies......I think what bothered me most of all was the staff telling kt this boy has a "crush" on kt.

    Bascially they're teaching kt that it's okay if a boy/man like her they can ignore kt telling them to leave her alone, overstep boundaries & it's okay to touch her when she doesn't care to be touched. WRONG MESSAGE! AND destroying all that was taught over the last 2.5 years.

    I don't know, but I hope they are teaching this other student how to treat others, especially girls - you can't slam them against a wall. If a girls says no or they are not interested they need to accept it & move on.

    This is a tender age for kids ~ much harder for difficult children. I hate this stuff; why I wanted kt in day treatment all through high school. kt's come a long way ~ she has so much more to learn.
  10. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    That breaks my heart. I hope you get the staff straightened out soon.

  11. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    OMG! Poor KT! I don't understand the school's approach at all! It's like the old "Boys will be boys" excuse. Yes, kids that age can act goofy to get attention from the opposite sex, but that doesn't mean that it should be excused or condoned! Did she report that he was touching her before the incident happened? If they think that's OK or excuse it, that school has a lot to learn! If they chose to suspend KT for today, do you know what they did to the boy?

    I'm so proud of her for standing her ground! She should not have been punished for what she did. Surely the school should be able to handle this! There has to be a way that this boy can be dealt with - put them in different classes, oposite ends of the room, etc. The way the school chose to handle this must be really confusing for poor KT.
  12. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    You know Donna, I don't want SD messing up what we worked so hard on the last 2 years with day treatment, PCAs, tdocs & in home therapy. kt may need to fine tune her "delievery" if you will AND she will get the hang of that.

    The "old boys club" comments are being handled by our mental health care manager - he was incensed by these comments. CM shook his head & commented that he was glad that wm didn't attend that school.
  13. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda, this is just my opinion not living in your shoes, but I think, with the supports (like an full-time aide) kt is better off in mainstream that day treatment. Reason - she really needs to learn how to deal in the real world (again, with the proper supports in place).

    If she is kept in day treatment, how will she learn to deal with all the typical **** that will come her way? If she truly wants to go to cosmo school in four years, it will be a HUGE culture shock for her to go from day treatment high to cosmo school.

    I think kt has come so far in the past couple years. I totally understand that you are fearful of old issues taking over her life and reverting back to the old stuff. It is a natural fear of all difficult child parents who finally begin to see the light or stability in their children - the fear that something will rock the boat and return them back to whence they came.

    I think the important issue here is that the school recognize that kt was taught to defend herself against sexual harrasment in a way that is vastly different from the way we teach most our kids. This is due to her history and the physical location of where she was at the molment (in an enviornment where they may have been greater potential for harrasment and therefore the need for quicker action). The school needs to understand that zero tolernance does not mean suspending the victom, it means dealing with the perp.

    I believe it is an incredible testiment at how far she has come and how hard she has been working/learning that she is able to handle herself, discuss it, and see consequences of her actions (whether those consequences are right or wrong). You have every right to be proud of this young lady.

  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Any word from the casem mgr on why the school told kt the boy had a crush on her or liked her? Why school thought it was OK to even utter those words to ANY young woman who has been inappropriately touched?

    I am so sorry she was suspended, and am glad it did not keep her from going out on her group date. I hope the case mgr can manage to get it through the SD's collective heads that NO young woman needs to hear this after she has been touched inappropriately, much less a young woman with kt's hx.

    She has come such a long, long way. I hope this is merely a minor bump in her road.