It's hopeless. I've had it.


Well-Known Member
So son catches me off guard and calls when I'm shopping. I answer At first I thought he finally hit rock bottom He agreed to read books that help me with anxiety. That's a first.

It quickly went downhill when he told me that his ex has Grandson in Boy Scouts and wants to be able to take him to an event on my son's parenting time.

For most of you, I am sure you don't know that Judges like the kids to be in activities. Son has not allowed ex to put Grandson in any for two reasons. One is that ex wants Grandson to make friends in her area so that she can tell the Judge that he has lots of friends there and should be able to transfer to her school district with ease. Son doesn't want that both because he knows it's a stratigical for her and because he would have to drive over an hour to get to these activities. He ignored me when I warned him that Judges like activities and to counter offer putting grandson in the the activity but in a place more convenient for both.

Now comes reason two.

He doesn't want activities to interfer with the time he sees his son. That's in my opinion a horrible reason and will make him look bad to Judge. He won't tell thank you he Judge this is a teason but my grandson is in no activities on sons parenting time.

I have urged son to sign grandson up for sports, which they both like. I'm sure his friends play sports. Heck, he could have made a better case for grandson staying in his school.district if he had put him in sports or other activities at his current school district. He didnt. He doesn't want to share his parenting time wit activities.

I have to say that I know ex enough to realize she is only doing this to make a case for her school district but it is a smart move. I also do think Son is being goofy about this. Kids do sports and other actovities. If he won't SIGN UP HTANDSON FOR any, she has a good case against him. His lawyer told him activities are looked at in a positive light to judges.

Son says: You give ex an inch she takes a mile

This is true so he should have taken the initiative with activities first AND start LISTENING to his very skilled lawyer. I told him to do everything his lawyer wants him to do. He's a top notch lawyer.if he says Judges like kids in actovities, he should have signed him ip for boy scouts at HIS school, but son did not want to do it so ex did it in HER school district. Smart of her.

Son hung up on me when I told him to do what his lawyer says to do, that he knows best. I told him to do everything this lawyer of 40 years says is best.

His other problem is ex wants Grandson to have a passport. Exs mother sometimes takes them out of country. I don't blame son for being afraid of this...ex may do anything...but son will have no choice. The Judge will not like this and as loopy as ex is, I don't think she'll fly off to Europe with grandson and never return.I get the fear BUT HE HAS NO CHOICE.

Son is making himself seem loonier than her, and he actually isn't.But he is freaking out.

From now on when I talk to him, if I decide to talk to him, I am going to repeat myself over and over again.

"Listen to attorney, listen to attorney, listen to attorney." I will keep repeating this and nothing else.

And if he wont, maybe the judge will let ex take grandson to her school. She is listening to HER attorney

Grandson is terrified of his mom, but my son isn't doing Grandson any favors. He could lose what should be a sure thing and Grandson may have to go to Mom's school district.

GRANDSON IS VERY SHY AND WANTS TO STAY PUT. My son could ruin it for him and maybe even lose his 50/50 legal custody.

I am livid because son won't play along to make sure Grandson can for sure stay in his beloved school district.

I believe smoke is coming out of my ears, but I am going to further detach. Son is as usual, doing things out of fear and it will hurt my little grandson.

My son was in activities. It's not a novel concept. Grrrrrrr again.
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Well-Known Member
:consoling: You are right. He's not doing himself any favors by not putting the boy in any activities. Kids shouldn't be over scheduled...but for heaven's sake, put him in little league, go to all the games, HE isn't losing parenting time, he's just spending time with him that isn't one-on-one.

Deep breaths SWOT. You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. "Listen to your lawyer" needs to be his mantra.


Well-Known Member
Thanks, Lil. Im sure he will hang up on ke f I repeat it, but its the best advice I have. Grandson loves baseball and should be playing it. Or at least seeing if he likes it.

The vent helped Made me see how badly son is handling this...and you are right. I cant do squat. Without my cheerleadong, hopefully he will find better ways to handle this. I am simply going to keep telling him to listen to his lawyer about the case and see a thetspist for his anxiety.

Thanks for your kind support.

Sister's Keeper

Active Member
Oh SWOT I'm sorry for your grandson. He shouldn't be put in the middle of all this.

Children shouldn't be used as pawns and weapons to hurt the other parent.


Well-Known Member
Sorry he is not listening to you, SWOT. You already know you can't control his're one of the ones who continues to teach me that! :)

I hope he sees the wisdom of listening to his attorney. I think it is a good thing there is a continuance. Maybe that will give son time to see the advantage of getting grandson into some activities, not only as additional grounds for keeping primary custody but just in general giving son some additional social support and outside interests.

His attorney sounds like a good one. I am sure he has dealt with difficult clients like that before. Hoping son sees the light soon.

Tanya M

Living with an attitude of gratitude
Staff member
SWOT, you have given him sound advice in that he should listen to his attorney. There is not much more you can do. I can imagine how frustrating this must be for you. I'm so sorry he is being resistant to what his attorney is advising him to do. I do hope he will come around.


Well-Known Member
Thank you, Tanya. Seems like these difficult adults self sabotage. My only response hereafter will be "You have a great attorney. Do what he says." Ad nauseum if I must.

It is the best advice I can give him and I wont argue with him anymore. If I stay out of it, he actually might do this. Who knows?


Shooting from the Hip
SWOT... OMG I feel for you, so much.

Biomom put Belle and Pat in activities - ones they hated. But it was a strategic move, of course... She never thought she'd lose primary, though. It was done so SHE could interfere with Bill's time with them. SHE would get in between, and try to have him banned from the fields. It got pretty ugly for a while. When we took over as primary, they were in activities - but ones they wanted to be in, even though the judge specified that they BOTH be in "Football, Cheerleading, Soccer, and Baseball". Yeah that didn't go over well.

I'm praying for you that your son gets a clue, because he could really hurt his own son...