Friday M had husband move his stuff and drop him at a friend's house to sleep on the couch. This after registering for classes this summer, skipping the first week, not making the class, keeping the tuition grant, and this being the third term in a row that he has blown off a class. Guess what? They aren't funding him this term. No money. He didn't look for work all of that time. Not to mention he trashed those people's apartment while they were gone. And he tried to tell us that he was registering for fall term and hoping for a check today. Last night he called to ask if he could study at our house on the computer. husband said he would ask me, and I said no. I had to work today. Besides, he's not in school, he only wants to come over to find a place to hang and maybe a place live. Not here. No way. I have to admit, I felt bad. I feel bad. But in amongst all of that is remembering that he has been entitled to being taken care of his entire life. And his arming himself with my butcher knife in case I told him to go to bed instead of staying up all night to play video games. And stealing my coin collection and many many other things and never once saying he was sorry. And saying we beat him so he could get out of participating in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) therapy. I don't want him at my house. I feel badly that I don't want him at my house but that's just the way it is. Sometimes there are things in your life that you feel badly about. People die, you feel bad. Someone is ill, you feel bad. You lose your job, you feel bad. And your kid is 24 years old and has wasted the last seven years taking advantage of people and burning all of his bridges and never once learning that he has to get a job and pay his own way, and you feel bad. Is he going to end up on the street? Maybe. I hope not. There aren't programs around waiting to take care of young people the way that they used to. Will I not like it? You bet! My vision is of him riding around on the bus or train all day and night to keep warm and getting mugged or harming someone else. It's shades of the fears that I had when he left our house all those years ago. But he can't come here. He's done nothing to show that he's changed because he hasn't changed. I did what I could. I know he hasn't hit bottom yet, but maybe he will. I'm angry. But I'm not feeling guilty. Tired. Disappointed. There are lots of unpleasant adjectives for how I feel right now. Guilty and vulnerable aren't amongst them. Anyhoo... I knew that several of us are going through this now, and I wanted to share my apathy with you. That's it. Apathetic.