"It's Not Fair!!!"

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by OpenWindow, Jul 22, 2008.

  1. OpenWindow

    OpenWindow Active Member

    difficult child's favorite phrase is "It's Not Fair!" Always said loudly and in my ear.

    In his IEP, it said that difficult child has to think everything is fair or there will be a problem. If he thinks you're not being fair to him, it's over.

    If I tell him he has to take a bath first, it's not fair. If he has to unload the dishwasher, it's not fair. He loves teachers because they are fair, not only to him but to everyone. It's not just him. If he thinks I'm being unfair to his brother or sister, he's the first one to come to their defense, even when I'm disciplining them for something they said or did to him.

    So the other day we're looking up the meaning of names, and his name is Justin. Guess what "Justin" means? FAIR!

    Go figure. Even Justin got a good laugh out of that one!
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Wow!! Did you ever call him correct! :)
  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Those are Wynter's favorite words. It's like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I said one time to my Mother -

    It's Not Fair - and she said

    Fare is something you pay to ride a bus.

    I said one time to my Grandmother -

    It's not fair! - and she said

    Fare is something you pay to ride the bus and take animals in hopes of winning a blue ribbon.

    I was defeated before I knew what fair was. lol
  5. tessaturtle

    tessaturtle New Member

    Yes, that is difficult child's favorite phrase in our house too! ITs not fair when he has to take a shower first, its not fair that he has to brush his teeth first, its not fair, blah blah blah! We point out that being the oldest, will it still not be fair when he gets to date first or stay out later first or drive first?! THat usually shuts him up for awhile...until the next day! :)
  6. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    My kids learned early on not to use this one. Because my immediate response was:
    "Life is not fair. Get used to it and get over it."
  7. Christy

    Christy New Member

    If life were fair, we'd all be raising PCs instead of difficult children but somehow fate chose us to parent the difficult ones!
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We get that from difficult child a lot. I use the same phrase as skeeter. I also tell him being fair means giving everyone what they need not treating everyone the same!
  9. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Okay, I'm one of those who thinks fairness is truly important. Did when I was little, do today. I don't say "it's not fair" anymore but I think it. I got the life isn't fair response more times than I cared to count. It didn't matter. If it wasn't fair, it just wasn't. Like your son, I'd stick up for anyone if I saw they weren't getting a fair shake. It almost got me thrown in jail when I was volunteering at a local prison and I felt one of the inmates wasn't being treated fairly.

    All of that being said, when my daughter would say something wasn't fair, sometimes I'd agree with her that it wasn't but it was just the way things were. Other times, I would simply tell her that I was sorry she felt it wasn't fair but it really was. Fair to her didn't necessarily mean fair to the rest of the world. No matter what, I really wouldn't argue the fairness with her. She would get one of the two comments and that would be it. No more discussion (at least at that time).

    It's true that life isn't fair and that truly stinks for those of us who think fairness is crucial. It makes life a little harder than it should be. It's taken me 50 years to figure that out but I did finally get it. Good luck on this one!
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Met a young boy once on a saddle club ride. Struck up a conversation and he said he was riding his grandpa's horse cause his own horse was a "problem". Making conversation, I asked him about his horse. He told me all about his horse. Young, had him since he was a yearling, ground broke him and all that, and no his dad was trying to train it to ride, but it threw his dad time and again, and the horse just wasn't getting any better - thought they were gonna have to give up on that one and get him another horse.
    I asked him what the horse's name was.
    Told him next time he better call his horse "Nice, calm, gentle ride".
    Maybe there really is something to a name. I think I'll go research difficult child's name....