It's official - difficult child failed the class

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Jan 12, 2009.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Now what? She's failed the class, the test, won't take the state exam, has no job, loses her insurance on January 31st.

    I asked her what Plan B was and she just looked at me. She was making a music CD for a friend.

    I don't know what's going to happen, but I know we're not lifting a finger to help her at all this time. And she knows it. No yelling, no lectures - it is what it is.

    What a disappointment; I really thought that this phlebotomy course was going to be "it" for her. I really believed that because she was so interested and had begged to do this, that she would get it and do it and make it happen for herself. Proved wrong, once again. I give up. H still has pipe dreams about her now going to some secretarial classes - AND getting state financial aid. I don't know what he's thinking. If difficult child helps herself, I will support her [as in be a cheerleader] but I am not forking over any more money. Sixteen hundred dollars was enough for me and she blew it.
  2. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    I'm so sorry, JoG, I completely understand your disappointment. I'm with you--I don't think "helping" her is any help really. She needs to do it on her own. I feel your frustration but sounds like you are in the right place mentally--it is on her, not you.
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Jo I totally agree, there's gotta be a limit and a line draw. I"m really sorry that she didn't make it with this.

    I"m just sending you hugs, vent away

  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Oh gosh, Jo. I'm so sorry. What a disappointment. :(

  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm sorry. I've been there done that. difficult child knows if he goes to school again, it will be on his dime. He is currently paying off his student loans. He hopes to get into Culinary School next fall. I told him that I wish his the best of luck. I will not help with money, but I will be the proudest mom in the world if he does accomplish his dreams.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Oh, gosh Jo!! I know that's a bitter disappointment. I was so hoping this would be difficult child's thing. :(

    I dunno. Maybe financial aide would be a good idea.......with stressing that she is required to pay it back once she's done with school. That made Nichole sit up and take notice. When she got off to that bad start......and looked at her bill, I swear the kid went green. Paying back 2000 + dollars for nothing because you didn't study is like having an anvil dropped on you. lol

  7. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    I'm sorry Jo.

    Just throw another of your dreams for your daughter on the heap. I remember feeling the same way - like there was a figurative dream heap out in the yard. It was big.

    You were wise to just walk away - let her be alone with her thoughts. I'm sure she's having them. Maybe the reality of no job, no classes, NO MONEY will light the fire under her behind. Here's hoping!!

    Hang in there.
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Yup, let her deal with the natural consequences.

    Of course, that means no job. No job means no money. H will have to be on the same page as you to not bail her out.

    Stand firm! You can do it.
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    been there done that with both my difficult child's. MY difficult child 1 eventually just got married to a nice guy who gives her everything she wants. She did go to cosmotology school on his dime after refusing to work for her tuition but she finished and then hardly worked at it deciding to have a baby and be a stay at home mom. The other difficult child? Well he is still not doing well, still not learning, still has all kinds of dreams and no money to finance them. And me? I still sometimes get sucked in if difficult child seems to be doing well and really motivated but those times are fewer and further between. I try to protect myself by not getting too invested emotionally because I do not like the feelings of disappointment when the dream dies.

    Sending my support as I have no advice to add. -RM
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I was thinking about this briefly last night and then told H that I wasn't so sure she's been going to classes. He suggested I call the teacher. I did, but she wasn't there and I highly doubt she'd discuss difficult child/class with me anyway (nevermind the fact that I paid all of the tuition). Anyway, I saw her book bag and went through it just for a look-see. I saw papers that can prove she's been to every class except two. There was a note from her teacher telling her she had to make up those hours - I don't know if she ever did. I also saw her weekly classwork and exams and list of volunteers who she stuck for the classes. She was there. Most of her test scores were passing - about 2/3 and the other third were failing. Her homework was all completed and most of it was very thorough - a few times she didn't use complete terminology but no points were taken off for that. Her sketches of the veins and arteries, etc., were all okay too. The final exam she took yesterday she failed.

    Then, below the test grade, in red letters, the teacher wrote her final class grade and it was a 72% - THREE points below passing.

    I know what likely happened is that she didn't apply herself and probably didn't put in the book time she needed in order to pass the weekly exams, which explains her inconsistent scoring. And she *maybe* didn't make up the (6) hours she missed (I do recall her going into the night class one time to make up hours she said). I am kind of at a loss - there has to be more to this than I'm seeing.

    Would you try to make contact with the teacher to at least just KNOW? I know it won't help difficult child now and I certainly wouldn't even tell her I called, but I'm itching to hear what the teacher has to say.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    That phlebotomy final is hard. The course itself can be hard depending on which chapter you're working in. Some of them can be a bit overwhelming. I didn't have alot of trouble because I'm used to it because of how nursing courses are taught. But I can see how a kid out of hs with no experience can have issues. Most of the students in our class squeaked by with C's and B's. And it wasn't because they weren't smart or trying.

    Darn. 3 pts away is awfully close. And with the work you've said she's done, ect........well, darn. Not like she blew the class off and just didn't put forth any effort.

    If it were my difficult child, I'd skipped talking with the instructor. They won't talk to you anyway. I'd sit down with difficult child and have a heart to heart and find out from her what she thinks happened. No judgment, no lectures, just talking Then I'd ask if she wanted to try again. That 73 percent is awfully close to success to just walk away from something she wanted so much. I wouldn't foot the bill for the second try. No. But maybe you could help her with financial aide to fund it? We had several adults who had to take the phlebotomy course a 2nd time around in order to get a passing grade.

    I dunno. Sort of advising as a former difficult child myself, here, and having had the course I know what it's like. difficult child's are prone to shooting themselves in the foot, self sabotage is not always intentional. Sticking it out and trying again for something you really want to do could be a good life lesson for difficult child. We don't always succeed the first time around, then we need to ask ourselves how much we wanted it and decide whether or not to try again. I did this with Nichole after she failed the medication assisting courses........She decided part of her problem is she discovered she hated it after getting into it so changed tracks to something she did want to do.

    Nichole has her last practicum final for EMT on thursday. (the make up one) She's already made up her mind should she fail it.......(she knows the stuff, it would be nerves) she'll take the first course again. Because she really wants this.

    I would feel differently if difficult child had just slacked off and not put any effort into the class. But obviously she did. You could have her contact the instructor...(if she missed some work or something) to see if anything could be made up to push her grade over the passing mark. Sometimes they'll work with a student. An instructor did for Nichole as part of the medication assisting. She was failing one class because she needed to make up her vital signs practical exam. That would've put her on acedemic probation. Instructor met with Nichole the next quarter, Nichole made it up, and instructor gave her the appropriate grade she'd have had originally had she done it on time. This whole mess was inexperience on Nichole's part. She didn't realize in college when you have to make something up, it's up to the student to hunt down the instructor and make sure it's done. It's not like hs.

    Doesn't hurt to just sit down and talk with her. Of course, this is just what I'd do/did with my difficult child.

  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Lisa, Thanks so much for your email. That is how I feel - that I should at least ask her if she is interested in re-doing the class and if so, will the instructor help her just finish up what is needed and retake the final so she can take the NPA or will she have to retake the entire course.

    Thanks again.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry for the disappointment. But it is good to know she worked hard. And Lisa has some great insights.

    gentle hugs for all of you. This is HARD.