It's official: easy child is now a difficult child

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by recovering doormat, Aug 5, 2009.

  1. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    I found an improvised bong, two tiny plastic bags with traces of weed, two butane lighters, a partially smoked skinny cigar (kids call them "dutchies" and hollow them out and fill with weed so they can smoke without burning their fingers) out inthe open in my 13 yr old's room. she had two girls spend the night. One is a good girl and the other, not so.

    I am waiting for her to come home in an hour from her dad's house with her girlfriends in tow. She doesn't know that I have purchased an at-home drug test for marijuana. I bought it earlier today on suspicion that she smoked last night when she went out for a walk with her girlfriends.

    She is finished with her social life for the rest of summer break. I can't let her out of my sight. I think she is going to be next to have juvenile court supervision. I'm so disappointed and angry with her. She has lied to my face over and over again and now I have proof. Grrrrr.....
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry about this. My daughter started at twelve. I really didn't expect her to start so young, especially not MY daughter, of course.

    I don't know what to tell you to do. Everything we tried didn't work. I hope you can get her into therapy and keep her from the bad kids. And don't trust the "good" one. I found that my daughter's "good" friend, the only one I liked and trusted, was a drug user too. And her mother sold drugs.

    (((Hugs))) Good luck.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sorry, it does sound like you are on the wretched drug highway that so many of us have traveled. It's a long, long road. Sending hugs your way. DDD
  4. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Hi, similar experience here too. My difficult child 1 started at about age 12 or 13. In our case, as with MWM, the "good" one was also not so good--I thought my difficult child was corrupting her but it was a mutual thing. Also, as with MWM, nothing we did seemed to do any good, hoping you have better luck. We did have a PINS on her--did not stop her from doing anything but gave us a paper trail and showed the police and courts that we were trying our best, that we were parents who cared.

    She is 21 now with a baby and ex- boyfriend in jail on domestic violence charges. I think she is finally ready to turn her life around, we'll see. She lives on the west coast and I am in upstate NY so I don't really know and am kind of glad for that!

    Hugs to you, so sorry!

  5. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    Sigh. I should have expected this: I got an earful of shock and then abuse from my kid before I got her to pee in the cup (grabbed her as she ran in the front door and up the stairs to her bathroom). Don't you know, the test was negative. It was an at home test only for THC that shows a positive result as no line and a negative result as a red line, no matter how faint. It was very faint, but I could make it out. So she either did not smoke and her brother made up a story about her, or she's lying, did smoke, but not enough to trigger the test.

    As for the paraphernalia in her room? she swore that none of it was hers, that she doesn't know how to make a bong, her brother identified the lighters as his and he said that she would not have used the cigar. The empty bags with traces of weed? Could be her older sibs'.

    Her brother went to his young adult group counseling yesterday (his PO threatened him with violation and an appearance in court if he failed to go) and after the meeting spoke to his counselor about his younger sister coming to one on one meetings. She said that was a very caring thing to come up with, and he thought it up himself.

    Problem is, he is like most drug users, a liar, and after letting him spend the night at my house last night, I woke up to find him outside talking to a couple of neighborhood teens at 1:30 am. I know the other kids to be recreational pot smokers. I went outside in my pajamas and told him to get inside. He was mortified, came back in, said they weren't talking about drugs. Um hmm.

    Then I get up and find my bottle of Malibu Coconut Rum, that had 3 oz. left, on the counter and empty. I confronted my son, he said he didn't finish it; confronted daughter, she swears she didn't drink it. Well, some one did. One lies and the other swears to it. That's the end of son spending the night at my house, particularly when his sister is here.
  6. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    I'm so sorry to hear about this. You must feel so overwhelmed. I worry about the bad example our difficult child has set at times for our younger children. Even though they are so "perfect" right now, I know that it doesn't take long for their innocence to fade.

    It sounds like you're not fooling around with this incident which is good. I hope this will be a stand alone incident and you can shake some sense into your easy child so you're not dealing with this for years to come.
  7. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    Oh yes, I also forgot to say mention my thoughts on the "good" one. Our difficult child has had this wonderful friend since Junior kindergarten who we treated like our own and thought was wonderful. At times I used to wonder why my own difficult child couldn't follow in his footsteps. Came to find out he is a cocaine, ecstacy and mushroom dealer, his father and brother are involved as well. I was shocked to say the least. For so many years my difficult child would go over to the home for sleepovers, etc... and I felt comfortable. Most refer to me as an "over the top, strict parent" but this kid had me fooled. His parents live in a nice home, nice neighborhood. It just goes to show you never judge a book by it's cover.

    Best of luck to you.
  8. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    After all I went through with my difficult child and drugs, my heart is heavy for you. I can't imagine going through it with another one.

    I think you are wise to stay on top of things, keeping an eye out, giving them drug testing, and most importantly, follow through on what the consequences are.

    Sending hugs. This has to be very hard.