It's official, I have an adolesent difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ML, May 20, 2010.

  1. ML

    ML Guest

    Manster came downstairs last night while I was engrossed in watching American Idol and was looking through my bag. I keep lots of paper, pens, gum etc. in there and I've never had reason to suspect anything afoul. But about 20 minutes later he came down looking sheepish and said "I'm going to ask Grandma if I can do some chores for her to earn money"; I then asked him what he wanted to buy. He said "it's to give you". I still didn't put it together but I knew he'd done something and asked him what he broke. He finally admitted he had taken my credit card and purchased $20 in credits on the Happy Aquarium game he plays.

    He was very upset with himself and kept saying he was sorry. I told him that what he did was wrong, that it was stealing. I reminded him that husband was out of work and we didn't have extra money for him to take from us. Well he was all upset and crying for quite a while and said he knew it was wrong and wouldn't do it again. I told him he'd have a consequence (removal of computer games) for a period of time but it would have been worse if he hadn't admitted what he had done.

    I always read about this stuff with other on this board and thought "manster wouldn't do that". HA. I can officially claim my place at the CD family table. I'm in it for the duration.

    Lately I realize just how challenging it's becoming. Being an older mom with depression of my own to deal with, well let's just say some days I don't feel like I'm doing a good enough job because I'm so tired. I need to be more alert and pay attention instead of zoning out on AI at night. The good news is that husband has been so amazing and helping me more than ever before. I wish I could afford to make him an official house husband.

  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's not too bad though- he owned up to it and was remorseful and voluntarily wants to pay it back. He sounds like a pretty good kid to me. I still owe a ton of money for difficult child's actions.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Its not good, but the remorse is GREAT.

    Still hard when they do that, tho.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wish Cory had voluntarily admitted to doing that at his age!

    However, I do think you should scare him straight. Really let him know what the penalties of what he did could be if you chose to take it up with the bank...or if he hadnt told you and you had went to the bank and they had investigated and charged him. Make a big stink about it. Let him know its a felony even for 20 bucks. With his disorders he will probably be so sorry he wont do it again.

    I often wonder if I had made the bank charge Cory the first time he stole my debit card when he was like 13 if he would have stole my checks when he was older. Actually Cory stole a check when he was 7 but it was so stupid no one would cash it. He made it out to BANK and signed his name all print. He tried to get 777777777 but didnt know he had to write anything on the other line...lmao. The bank was amused, gave him a stern talking to and sent him out the door and called me.
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Well, hmmm, I hesitate to say "Welcome!" After all, who wants to be a part of that club? Hahaha.

    Remorse is GOOD. difficult child would always have remorse and try to make amends....and then circle around and make a similar (sometimes exact same) mistake over again. But it's good that he owned up to it and felt bad. You will be an old hand at this in short time - you handled it great!
  6. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    ita about making a big deal about it, and its awesome that he was remorseful.

    i think its more of an impulse control issue. he NEEDED happy aquarium points at that second--that was the only goal, and it didnt matter how
    he got them. absolutely wrong. at the time of the offense, he probably didnt even equate it with theft....somehow his inner voice kicked in and
    the light bulb came on that it was somehow wrong. i'd bet he has a one track mind, and its not that he doesnt know there are reprecussions, its just
    that he acted before he thought. i think its a closer to a typical kid thing than a difficult child one at this age (says the proud owner of $20 worth of wii points, so umm, you arent the only one!).

    he'll probably never do it again. (ok, hopefully). so make that big deal, make him work of $20, preferably by doing something horrid, like scrubbing shower grout with a toothbrush....i'm betting you'll see how fast that inner voice regarding others credit cards turns on!

    i'm sure you are working on the think first act later thing like i am, and i'm sure its a slow going for you as it is for me.

    but i'm not sure i'd warm the cellblock quite yet;)
  7. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    My difficult child did the same thing ! I was online banking when I discovered a charge for Nintendo Wii points for $30.00. I told husband right away and when difficult child came home from school we said nothing but decided to have a police officer (a casual friend of ours) come to the house. A 1/2 hour of so before he arrived difficult child came rushing downstairs hysterically crying saying his conscience told him to do something bad and he wants a new conscience. He then confessed the whole thing and was very remorseful and hysterical. Just then the officer knocked and difficult child answered the door and liked to poop his pants. The officer came in the house and gave difficult child a swift talking to and difficult child promised never to steal again. (?) Poor easy child was hysterical too thinking they were taking her brother away to juvey. It was one horrible situation but so far as I know he has not stolen since. I do take some comfort in the fact that he confessed prior to us making him aware that we knew what he did. KIDS !
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad he owned up and told you!
    So sorry he acted so impulsively. Yeah, join the club. Here's your membership card: [_______]
  9. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    ROFLMAO at shelly--you go girl! (i know its not funny, but well, yes it IS, LOL!)

    and i should have added to my post, mine's didnt exactly confess...more like she got caught in the act, got read the riot act, and mine never did it again either.

    i didnt even have to call a cop!
  10. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    This is the one thing I have not had to worry about.

    OK, I say that tongue in cheek, really. because I did have credit cards vanish. Pretty sure Onyxx had them at some point. But... In between the time I got them in the mail, and the time I discovered the disappearance, nothing was charged.

    One of the kids Onyxx goes to school with went to detention for stealing his Dad's credit cards and charging a bunch of stuff. She told me... "That's stupid. You and Dad look at your accounts so much I'd never get away with it."

    She's right... LOL!

    BUT... I still keep my wallet locked up...

    And FWIW? You done good.
  11. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    @ confuzzled I LMAO the whole time I was writing this post .... I think if we hadn't arranged for the officer to come prior to the "confession" we wouldn't have "called the cops" anyhow, I am glad it worked out the way it did in hindsight. My difficult child occasionally will see the officer patrolling around town and is on his best behavior LOL :alien: