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General Parenting
Its only getting worse...my kids will be homeless and in prison
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 641816" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>Confused, just because it may be in you family shared DNA doesn't mean <em>you have the difficult child DNA. </em>Look around both within your family AND the father of your children. Most likely there you will find a clue. </p><p>Also I strongly believe as the saying goes: When you know better, you do better. Perhaps there are times in raising difficult child that you may have done differently now than you did then. This just makes you HUMAN. I like to say that there is not one human that has both done something shameful AND should not be held to that act for the rest of their lives (most violent/repeat criminals excluded)</p><p>Changing how you deal with a difficult child starts by beginning to forgive yourself and to ultimately get to the point where YOU STOP PUNISHING YOU. Forgive yourself and start to love yourself instead of beating yourself up with all the what ifs, comparisons to others, and wishing (denial) that it was different. </p><p>Once you start loving yourself - then you will be able to find the help within both the medical and mental health community. My guess is, right now, when someone chooses to place blame on you, you just agree and then become shameful and the pattern repeats itself. Once you feel good about yourself and you get negative messages from the medical/psychiatric community, you will be able to blow off their false accusations and look for people who better understand your situation. </p><p>If you get nothing else from what I am saying please understand that some very psychologically some very UN-sound people tend to go into "helping fields". These professions are increasingly being overwhelmed as well. So of course if you are dealing with a so called professional that has mommy issues she/he is going to blame you. Finding the right people to help you and your family isn't easy but it takes both courage and strength - sometimes even to stand up to some of these so-called professionals and say you don't agree with the evaluation. (Yes a psychiatric doctor can be an Ahole)</p><p></p><p>Also I think you need to go to domestic violence groups - having such a young man say he is going to kill you is quite serious (maybe they have more knowledge of resources for you - even call the hotline or 211 the national hotline for social services). Maybe it is safer for you if they do go live with their father for a while. It is not that you would be giving up - just be giving you a break for a while. Fear is a big issue when giving your children to their other parent but know this, when you make "RIGHT" choices for both yourself and your children, you are not a bad mother at all. Neither are you a failure as a mom. You are just an overwhelmed, with little resources mom, who for obvious reasons is becoming more and more burnt out. Hard in any family but especially hard for a single mom.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 641816, member: 18366"] Confused, just because it may be in you family shared DNA doesn't mean [I]you have the difficult child DNA. [/I]Look around both within your family AND the father of your children. Most likely there you will find a clue. Also I strongly believe as the saying goes: When you know better, you do better. Perhaps there are times in raising difficult child that you may have done differently now than you did then. This just makes you HUMAN. I like to say that there is not one human that has both done something shameful AND should not be held to that act for the rest of their lives (most violent/repeat criminals excluded) Changing how you deal with a difficult child starts by beginning to forgive yourself and to ultimately get to the point where YOU STOP PUNISHING YOU. Forgive yourself and start to love yourself instead of beating yourself up with all the what ifs, comparisons to others, and wishing (denial) that it was different. Once you start loving yourself - then you will be able to find the help within both the medical and mental health community. My guess is, right now, when someone chooses to place blame on you, you just agree and then become shameful and the pattern repeats itself. Once you feel good about yourself and you get negative messages from the medical/psychiatric community, you will be able to blow off their false accusations and look for people who better understand your situation. If you get nothing else from what I am saying please understand that some very psychologically some very UN-sound people tend to go into "helping fields". These professions are increasingly being overwhelmed as well. So of course if you are dealing with a so called professional that has mommy issues she/he is going to blame you. Finding the right people to help you and your family isn't easy but it takes both courage and strength - sometimes even to stand up to some of these so-called professionals and say you don't agree with the evaluation. (Yes a psychiatric doctor can be an Ahole) Also I think you need to go to domestic violence groups - having such a young man say he is going to kill you is quite serious (maybe they have more knowledge of resources for you - even call the hotline or 211 the national hotline for social services). Maybe it is safer for you if they do go live with their father for a while. It is not that you would be giving up - just be giving you a break for a while. Fear is a big issue when giving your children to their other parent but know this, when you make "RIGHT" choices for both yourself and your children, you are not a bad mother at all. Neither are you a failure as a mom. You are just an overwhelmed, with little resources mom, who for obvious reasons is becoming more and more burnt out. Hard in any family but especially hard for a single mom. [/QUOTE]
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Its only getting worse...my kids will be homeless and in prison
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