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Its only getting worse...my kids will be homeless and in prison
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 643471" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Your daughter is still a minor, but you are slowly heading in the direction that those of us with grown kids are in.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing you can do to cure your daughter if she is old enough to legally refuse medication and therapy. Each state has a different age for that. Ours is something insane like thirteen. Also, if she refuses help of all sorts, what are you supposed to do? Force help into her head? You would have to go to the courts for that and then she'd be in the juvenile justice system, hardly a place where she is likely to get help. However they CAN force her to, say, go to a residential treatment center.</p><p></p><p>You may want to try emotionally stepping back from the kids a bit, like we do when our kids are of legal age. If the problems your kids have, and others in your life, are truly not things you have any control over, then it is healthy and smart to not take any of their words or deeds personally and try to heal yourself. You are not required to take on all of their emotions nor are you required to take what they say personally. Your son is very angry and has issues...his words don't really reflect your worth or anything about you. Your daughter also has issues. Her words say more about how she feels about herself, most likely, than you, yet she won't get help. So what are you supposed to do??? Detaching is good. Same with grandpa, dad and sister. You put too much on your plate to take any of their words to heart. Just because somebody says something about you does not mean it's true.</p><p></p><p>The truth about you is you are kind, overly giving and put all your effort into others. If anyone says otherwise, they are not telling the truth, so who cares about a lie? Yes, lies can hurt, but you can choose to think of the lies in a different light, such as disturbed people just mouthing off and not thinking first. </p><p></p><p>You are facing some problems that people with adult children have. If you are legally unable to force your daughter into treatment or to take her medication, then accept that she can not get better until she wants to do it. You can't do it for her. You can't do it for anybody except yourself. You can make things better for you, but not the adults in your life and not your daughter. I have no idea what I'd do about your son...maybe for him residential would be helpful. I'm not sure how you'd go about that. He'd get 24/7 care, school, and treatment and his abuse would be on them. Yes, young children can be abusive. They are certainly not as accountable as an adult, but some children can not safely live at home and for the sake of the others in the house and the child himself, out of home treatment may be best. That's within your power. Changing anybody who is totally unwilling to listen to you just will not work and it is not your fault.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 643471, member: 1550"] Your daughter is still a minor, but you are slowly heading in the direction that those of us with grown kids are in. There is nothing you can do to cure your daughter if she is old enough to legally refuse medication and therapy. Each state has a different age for that. Ours is something insane like thirteen. Also, if she refuses help of all sorts, what are you supposed to do? Force help into her head? You would have to go to the courts for that and then she'd be in the juvenile justice system, hardly a place where she is likely to get help. However they CAN force her to, say, go to a residential treatment center. You may want to try emotionally stepping back from the kids a bit, like we do when our kids are of legal age. If the problems your kids have, and others in your life, are truly not things you have any control over, then it is healthy and smart to not take any of their words or deeds personally and try to heal yourself. You are not required to take on all of their emotions nor are you required to take what they say personally. Your son is very angry and has issues...his words don't really reflect your worth or anything about you. Your daughter also has issues. Her words say more about how she feels about herself, most likely, than you, yet she won't get help. So what are you supposed to do??? Detaching is good. Same with grandpa, dad and sister. You put too much on your plate to take any of their words to heart. Just because somebody says something about you does not mean it's true. The truth about you is you are kind, overly giving and put all your effort into others. If anyone says otherwise, they are not telling the truth, so who cares about a lie? Yes, lies can hurt, but you can choose to think of the lies in a different light, such as disturbed people just mouthing off and not thinking first. You are facing some problems that people with adult children have. If you are legally unable to force your daughter into treatment or to take her medication, then accept that she can not get better until she wants to do it. You can't do it for her. You can't do it for anybody except yourself. You can make things better for you, but not the adults in your life and not your daughter. I have no idea what I'd do about your son...maybe for him residential would be helpful. I'm not sure how you'd go about that. He'd get 24/7 care, school, and treatment and his abuse would be on them. Yes, young children can be abusive. They are certainly not as accountable as an adult, but some children can not safely live at home and for the sake of the others in the house and the child himself, out of home treatment may be best. That's within your power. Changing anybody who is totally unwilling to listen to you just will not work and it is not your fault. [/QUOTE]
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Its only getting worse...my kids will be homeless and in prison
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