It's over.....a new life is to begin

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Jan 13, 2009.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    My husband's funeral was was a beautiful and fitting service for husband.

    During the service the priest commented that a new life begins for husband and a new life begins for myself and the tweedles. Our journey is no longer the same as husband's journey.

    wm was inconsolable; kt was curious, terrified & sad. Both kt & wm have asked me at least a half dozen times what happens if I die.

    On that note,our new journey may include moving closer to family - to a support system that includes my dad & my siblings & their spouses, my nieces & nephews. It's too soon to make any huge decisions - it's all too raw.

    So I sit here surrounded by plants & flowers and cannot sleep.

    Please please please get your advanced directives in place. I spent too much of my time advocating for husband's wishes & not enough time just being with him during his last days. Days I cannot get back.

    You have held me up during the last week, the last month - I could feel the "power" of the parents here surrounding me. Thank you for the prayers, the condolences & the wisdom.

    In turn, I offer my prayer of thanks for all of you.

    I hope to get off here & get some sleep - thank you all.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad that things went well and that you have somehow managed to maintain your optimistic outlook. The future remains to be seen but you are wise beyond your years in recognizing the need to take baby steps during this huge adjustment period.

    My warmest thoughts remain with you. DDD
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    ((HUGS)) You have done an amazing job- now remember yourself.....
  4. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    This seemed to have happened so swiftly that it takes my breath away. Can't even begin to imagine the turmoil you and the kids must be in.

    Give the kids a hug for me.

    And there's another for you.

    Take time to catch your breath before making major decisions.

    Prayers continue...
  5. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    You're family are in my thoughts and prayers. You are an amazing person and have been through so much in such a short time. Take care of yourself.
  6. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Ah, Linda. What a strong person you are. And the tweedles? They'll survive as well. I've never lost a parent so I can't comment. You always know that you can call. Major cyber hugs.

  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It sounds like a nice service and the priest sounds very wise. You are right to take things slowly at this time. As always I will continue to keep you and the tweedles in my daily prayers. Gently wrapping you in a hug. Please take care of you.
  8. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Sweet dreams Linda. I can't imagine the horror you have all been through. I am so very sorry.

    I wish I could bring you over a big casserole and a loaf of homemade bread. I guess I'll just send you a cyber hug and prayer.

    Hang in there.
  9. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Linda, I can't imagine either what you and those children have been through. I just wish I was closer so there was something I could really do to help. You are very wise to refrain from making any major decisions right now. It will all come in due time. You and your family will remain in my prayers as you begin your new life. Many (((hugs))) to you all.
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I've been wondering how you were getting on, it's been such a terrible time for you. The priest sounds very wise.

    It's going to be different, very different for you. Hold on to the things that hold you together (your painting, your love of nature around you especially the birds) and let this be your grounding point, for you and the kids.

    It's natural for the kids to be anxious about what happens to them - your health has been a worry for them for some time. This was all very unexpected for them. They are going to need reassurance, over and over. Perhaps moving to be nearer family will make the kids feel more secure, since they will see that they need never be alone. The trouble is, you shouldn't make any big decisions while you are grieving, but this is the time when most pressure is on you to make such decisions.

    Can you get someone to come and stay with you for a while? It could give you time to find your feet again, to be in a better frame of mind to make wise decisions.

    For now, go get some sleep. A lot of the bustle is over, for now.

    Thinking of you, husband also worrying about how you're going.

  11. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I echo what Sheila much has happened in such a short time. It's unimaginable. You are right about the Advanced Directives. We have them in place, finally. I had made my feelings known to my family long ago and have reiterated it many times, but I never realized what family has to go through in order to have those wishes carried out.

    Moving closer to your family is probably a very good thing. Not only will it give you the support you need, but give new perspectives on the tweedles' treatment. It may be good for kt and wm for other family members to be guiding lights.

    You've been in my thoughts and prayers this week and will continue to be throughout your new journey.
  12. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    Not a day goes by without me thinking about you and praying for you and your children. Having been through as much as you've been through, I'm amazed at how strong you are.

    I agree with Marg - If there is someone who can stay with you for awhile, I think it would help. I also agree that you shouldn't make any big decisions yet.

    I hope you get some much needed sleep today. As always, you're in my thoughts... WFEN
  13. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    The board mommies and I will continue to be here as your strength. You are an amazing woman. Prayers for you and your tweedles.
  14. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Linda, the priest does sound like a wise man.
    I hope you're getting some restful sleep. I continue to marvel at your strength and wisdom during such a difficult time for your family, and I agree with you and everyone that now is not the time for big decisions.

    Please be gentle with yourself. You and the tweedles are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Sending many gentle hugs,
  15. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    You and kt and wm will continue to be in my prayers. While I understand the need to be closer to family, please take your time. You have all been through so much in such a short period that changes from this point forward need to be thorugh and and planned out. Poor wm and kt, there is no way to prepare a child so young for the loss of a parent.
  16. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    :angel:Linda, my friend,

    I know you know that you and the children and the whole extended family have been in my thoughts and prayers over the past week. I remember the morning I got the email notification that an updated had been made to the blog you had set up for Steve. When I went to see the update, my heart lurched. It seemed, that after such a dismall original prognosis, he was making improvement.

    Perhaps the time was a gift to you and his sister, to remember the man who was the loving father, husband, and brother.

    It's not unusual that kt and wm will grieve and process in different ways. You have a wonderful support system in place for the children, and I'm sure they are all on extra alert during this time of grief.

    You know I have always thought that moving back near your family was a must do thing - but moving all the services you have put in place for the tweedles was certainly a perceived roadblock. I know your family would love to have you and the kids closer so the can be there for all of you with whatever the future holds for your family.

    For now, get some sleep! Give the three of you a chance to adjust to this new phase of your lives. You will have a lot of things to cooridinate - not just the children's care but yours as well.

    Be easy on yourself, rest and take it easy. Call anytime.

    Lots of love and hugs :angel2:,
  17. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    sweeite, sending you prayers for rest and peace. <<<HUGS>>>
  18. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Linda}}} Thinking of you and sending up prayers for you and the tweedles daily. Take your time now and lean on others.
  19. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I was thinking of you this morning. I'm glad that your husband is no longer in pain and that you are ready to heal and move forward.
    It was such a short span of time from him moving out to then being in the hospital. It's mind blowing.
    Rest up. Many hugs to you and the children. I'm sure most kids with one parent have the same worries.
  20. ML

    ML Guest

    It truly did happen so fast. I hope that you can take a little something out of the fact that husband didn't ever abandon your family, he just got sick. My heart goes out to you and I know that your strength will be a guiding light for your family and the support will be there for you all. Love, ML