It's so bad here that ..

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by doll, Sep 28, 2011.

  1. doll

    doll New Member

    It's become so bad here that my mom has resorted to calling Children's Services. Today was a terrible day for him and instead of being helpful, she yelled at me all day for not being able to control him and then called Children's Services to tell them how terrible I am just because I brought up some options for how to get him out of the house for a few hours a day so I could de-stress. She said that I can't just "give up my child" and that saying that in front of him was "abusive", hence her call to them. I feel like I am the one being abused here. I can't even talk in this house. It's like being in a prison. I'm lucky she used her cell phone and at the last minute decided to hang up and not give them our address. Having them in our life is the last thing I need.

    I don't know what to do. I live with her so I can't escape her. She invades every aspect of our life. She even threatened that if I didn't call my child's therapist to tell him what I was saying about options to get Peanut out of the house for a few hours, she was going to have my child taken away. I know she is doing this because I've excluded her from going into the therapist meetings but I have to because if I don't, she'll take over and try to control the whole thing. I just don't know what to do.
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2011
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I work at a daycare center and we had a long talking to from CPS. Literally, they can not remove a child for any reason other than proven physical or sexual abuse. Verbal abuse, like your mother is claiming, is not even possible.

    Is there no other place you can live with your child? It sounds awfully hard to live with your mother. Let's just say, she sounds extremely controlling. It makes sense for you to try to find some time without your child. Hang in there.
  3. Chaosuncontained

    Chaosuncontained New Member

    It's soooo easy for people who aren't actually PARENTING children with disablities or difficulties to decide what MUST be done or what you are doing wrong.

    I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I would maybe have ammo for Childrens Services--because they will *have* to follow up. Any documentaion of th eproblems heis having. Anything from the school, doctor or even handwritten notes of what you deal with every day. Maybe Childrens Services could, I dunno, actually tell you about "children's services" to help you out?

    I'll be waiting to see what happens... HUGS
  4. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Oh dear, First you might want to change the childs name if you used his real name. Second, is she living with you or are you living with her? Who owns the house and can she find somewhere else to live? Sounds like she is a worse difficult child than the child. Every parent needs some down time. (Even parents with easy child kids.) That is not abuse.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    They have to follow up, but they can't take her child due to "verbal abuse." The story Mom told isn't even on the radar for abuse. They may even offer help or talk to Mom. I'd try to turn it into a positive. Sometimes CPS can offer respite, which is free to the parent.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    That's kind of the direction my thoughts were going... as in, if things are that bad living in this home, is there something CPS can do to help the situation... as in, even providing contact points for alternative housing etc.... because the "grandparent" is causing significant potential harm to the kids (rather than the parent).

    Is there anywhere else she can turn to for alternatives? Because... the best alternative is to not be there. But its not always obvious how to get from "here" to "there".
  7. doll

    doll New Member

    MidwestMom: My mom is has always been manipulative. Ever since I was young, I have had to deal with her reasons why I cannot do the most basic and simple things. For example, learning to drive. Obviously, like most teenagers, I had wanted to learn to drive at 16-17. My mom decided that I was too young to learn how to drive. I could understand that for some teens, however, I was a teen with a baby. I was trying to learn some responsibility. She told me I had to wait a year until I turned 18, so I did. Then she told me, it wasn't that she didn't want me to drive, she didn't think I could. She thought I would be a terrible driver because of my anxiety and she was so worried for me and my son that she wouldn't teach me. At this point, I was so isolated, I was with my son 24/7 and had no one else to take me to learn how to drive. Finally a family member spoke up and told my mom it was time she took me to learn how to drive. My mom took me out to an empty lot and every time I would put the car in gear and go forward, she'd start screaming that I was doing it wrong and how I was about to hit the pole .. clear on the other end of the lot. If my anxiety wasn't bad before, it was bad now. I am 24 years old and now have anxiety about driving that is so bad. I wanted to drive before, now all I can hear is the echo of how I can't do it and if I do, I will hurt both my son and myself.

    Everything I do, if it's no the way she'd do it, it's wrong. I have anxiety about doing the simplest things because I've been yelled at for whatever I do. In regards to my son, if I dress my son for the day in jeans and a shirt, she'll go in and change it to something else (he'll walk out in different jeans and a different shirt and no these clothes I am putting on him aren't offensive or inappropriate, just not what she wants that day). If I tell my son I am going to fix him waffles for breakfast, she'll say, "You don't want those, do you? Nah. Let's have oatmeal today." It's always her way which is why I chose to leave her out of his counseling appointments even if it makes her angry.

    Even moving out is a problem. I once told her the day I move out I will let her know after I do because I am so scared she's going to try to stop me and she told me that if I move out without her knowing about it, she'll call the police and try to get "grandparent rights", even though my SO and I have said once he gets here and we get our own place, he wants to try to remove her from the situation because she's just making it worse. When I told her I need space once I move out for awhile she called me an "evil hateful girl", which my son now repeats.

    In regards to CPS coming out, she didn't give them our address or names. She used a cell phone so it's untraceable. This was more of a tactic to get me to do what she wanted than than anything. She doesn't want us to leave or to have them involved and she knows neither do I, so she's been using this (this isn't the first time) as a tactic to scare me from time to time.
  8. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    First of all: BIG HUGS!!!
    Second, it seems that the real problem is your mother, not your child's disability (whatever the label will be).
    Do you have a job honey? A bank account under YOUR name? If you answer no to those questions, then it should be top priority.
    I have never dealt with CPS myself, but it does seem like they could offer some help.
    If you need child care to find a job, time to go to social services and ask for help.
    You therapist might have so good guidance on how to proceed and get away from your mother.
    Your SO should also offer some support: emotional support, financial support?
    And of course: the forum is also a good way to get emotional support and find creative solution to difficult issues.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Grandparents do not have rights. At least, not to the level she is trying to hold over your head. In some places, if the grandparent can prove that the parent is causing direct harm to the child (starving, beating, ignoring medical care) then they can get the courts or CPS involved in taking child away from the parent - and then try to be the one to get custody because of "prior relationship". But obviously, THAT is not the case here.

    THIS situation? She doesn't have a leg to stand on.

    I don't know if your Mom's behavior qualifies under DV there... but I'd be checking with DV about how to get yourself and your son out of this abusive situation. It is abusive to you and abusive to your son. If DV can't help you directly, they can probably point you in the right direction.
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OH I am sending you such a huge mommy hug! I read your 1st post to catch up. I am so sorry things are such a struggle. I can relate to your hesitance to say he is autistic becuase even though I am an early interventon Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) and believe in early diagnosis in order to get the right therapies and education, I could only say Autistic-like until my son was age 5. He was in early intervention under a general delay category but still.... Now though, I have to say the Autism diagnosis has given us the MOST power when it comes to asking for appropriate educational services, therapies and getting medical help. I also have my son certified as permanently disabled by the state and he gets a large medical assistance waiver to help him receive therapies that regular insurance will deny. This includes home therapeutic specialists that when he was young included autism specialists outside of the early intervention he was getting in the schools. You can see if your county has a devlopmenal disabilities case worker (they are not child protection...they help you access funds like family support grants, waivers, etc. to get things you need at home to help care for your child. including respite!) I am biased toward public early intervention because I have worked in that field for years but it really depends where you live. Some areas are amazing and some just okay and some you are right to avoid. Even if you choose private school, federal law mandates that if your child qualifies for an IEP you can receive special education services like speech/language, Special Education. teaching and Occupational therapy or physical therapy if they has to take place off the private school campus so you may need to have him bussed or drive him to the sessions...of course if you even ever get to that point.
    Here is what I have learned from hearing people for 20 plus years in education and with families....and most certainly with my own son. Whether or not we decide to get a formal diagnosis or label or category for our children, the fact is, they WILL be labeled. People will call them troubled, spoiled, bad, naughty, behavior problems, the kid to avoid, etc. I prefer an appropriate, more accurate label or term because as the child gets older you have a way to explain (Not to excuse but a real explanation) what is going on. It hurts the child's and your own self concept to be mislabeled. This year I even told some peers about my son's issues and guess what, they went out of their way to help him be included, even when he was not very fun to be around!
    Sounds like many have told you that the symptoms you listed do hint at Autism Spectrum, but whether or not that is true please know that early intervention is the one thing that consistently is shown to improve long term results. There are many ways and combinations of ways to do this. The public schools are free and the therapists attend the exact same universities and have the same degrees and certifications as people in private practice. For Speech Language Pathologist (SLP)'s like me they often have added certifications like a teaching degree. Just saying this to help your comfort level because it was not always this way and for sure in some areas, districts are not following federal special education laws. You have legal rights within the special education system and I have read thru the sp. ed. part of this site and it sure seems many others there can help you if you ever get to that point.

    Now, as for a respite time from your son, it is common sense that ANY parent needs a break in order to keep mentally healthy. Especially those of us doing it on our own. Sorry your mom couldn't just say, okay I will support you in that and give you a break....I wish that for you.

    I see you struggling but I also see a mommy who is really fighting the good fight. Hang in there and continue to be open but trust your gut at the same time. It is a hard road but it is clear you love your child and are doing what you feel is best. Dont worry about cps, that is stressful, but if I was the worker who took that call I would be wondering what help I could get for your MOM!
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OMGosh, I missed this! sweetie, I have been in public schools, county programs etc. for many many years...she does not have a leg to stand on. you would have to be neglecting or abusing your child...not just a different style of parenting. Even with a documented incident...they would offer needs to be a serious issue. Your mom better be careful, you may get a bunch of help and she will be really not the one in control! I use county services myself for my son (case management, medical financial assistance --this is not public assistance, it is medical care for kids with disabilities). With these funds my son does horseback riding therapy, gets respite/Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) workers, adaptive equipment, etc. It seems to me she is using emotional black mail and if you ever want to check out the accuracy of her statements I think you can see you will get lots of help here. It is hard to get out from under that kind of brain washing but you can do it. I have read enough (though I am new) here to see that people will be honest in a gentle way even if it is not great news, so it feels to me like a really trustworthy group--if your mother was right then we would tell you.

  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I haven't read all the responses, but from what I have learned about Ohio & CPS...

    Next time she threatens? Ask for their number. Call them yourself. Tell them you have a Child In Need of Services (AKA CHINS), and respite.

    They WILL help you... If nothing more than coming out and visiting, which should scare the snot out of her. At the very least, it'll take the threat away.

    For breakfast... See if you can second-guess her. Ask your son (THE NIGHT BEFORE), "What would you like for breakfast? Oatmeal, waffles, toast...?" This puts him in on the planning, and makes him want that item that much more. Same with clothes. It gives him some control over his life and lessens hers.

    Next time she calls you evil and hateful? "I'm sorry you feel that way" - monotone. Worked really well on O...

    and :HUGS:!!!
  13. keista

    keista New Member

    Breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Repeat as needed.

    Stay with me because I'm about to say something that is almost unimaginable, but a call to Children's Services might be in order. NOT as in reporting you or your mom, but in looking for resources. In some areas, Children's Services does actually focus more on helping kids and families than in tearing them apart. You need to research and contact them (even anonymously) to get a feel for how your local caseworkers function.

    You are in a non-traditional situation, living in your mom's home with your son. I'm not surprised that your mom may be getting increasingly frustrated. (another 'stay with me' statement coming up). You just decided to home school your son. Translation: My daughter is never gonna get a job and move out and I will be stuck with them forever. She doesn't even have to be thinking this on any conscious level, or any level she's willing to admit to herself, but it's there. It's possible, and can lead to frustration. REALITY? Even if he was in school, and you got a job, Peanut's "issues" could make it VERY difficult to keep your job. Not many employers take kindly to moms having to run to the school 2-3x per week to "put out fires". Life with a difficult child is a logistical nightmare. BUT if he's in school, the possibility of you getting a job and moving on your own becomes more possible, thereby reducing frustrations. I'm not saying to change what you are doing, but whenever you can look at things from a different perspective, you can find new opportunities to reduce tensions.

    Anyway, start researching resources in your area. Call organizations even if they seem to offer only remotely related services that you may want, need or use. Even homeschooling websites have lists of resources that you may or may not be able to capitalize on. Sometimes parent support groups have meetings that offer child care during the meeting. Get your mom on board by *jokingly* saying she might meet moms just like herself who have daughters that "just can't parent" I don't know if that tactic would work in your situation, but if you think it may, go for it.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    First of all, you are NOT as incapable as your mom tells you. the fact that you found us means that you can do a whole lot. It own't be easy to change the patterns that you have spent so many years learning, and it won't be fast. But you CAN do it.

    First of all, get social services involved. You and your son are most likely eligible for a LOT of help. Given her limits, I am sure you don't have a job that would support you and provide child care, etc.... So get listed for food stamps, low income housing, TANF (temp aid for needy families) and any other source of support they have. If you don't all have health insurance, at least difficult child would be covered by the state kids' insurance and likely YOU would be also, esp if you don't have much income.

    Do NOT be afraid of Children's Services. I have been involved myself with them. They will NOT take your child. For one thing, it is expensive to them to support him. It is far less expensive to provide the services you both need.

    This next will likely be super hard, but trust me and take a deep breath, focus on the fact that this will make life far better for your child (and you, but right now that probably won't get you to reach out, so do it because this is a super unhealthy atmostphere to raise your son in - do it for HIM), and make an appointment with the local domestic violence center.

    Yup. Domestic violence. You, and your son, are being ABUSED by your mother. She is emotionally abusing you. She is also destroying the mother-child bond that you and difficult child both need. For your child to grow to be a happy, successful adult he NEEDS a healthy attachment to you. He doesn't have it. YOU are the only one who can protect him. The Dv center has a LOT of resources and will help. How do I KNOW, for a stone cold FACT that what your mom is doing is abuse? Well, my mom has done quite a bit of it to me and esp my oldest but all of my kdis and my husband. She was super upset when we moved away when Wiz was 3 and spent years doing all she could to undermine us and get him to want to live iwth her. If I had a dollar for every time she offered to have Wiz live with her until some problem or other was better, I would living in Bill Gates' neighborhood. She did so much damage that by the time he was 14 I had to make him leave our home. He was so entitled, and so violent if he didn't get what he wanted or something upset him (like demands from me - things like "how was your day?" "any preferences for dinner?" types of "demands") that one of us was going to end up in the hospital or morgue. I tried for Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but after the judge and deputy who removed him dragged their feet on even basic paperwork for a month, I let him live iwth my parents. It worked, but mostly because without me in the middle of their relationship, Wiz saw what she really had done to us and figured out her games. See my thread about "discharged 504" to see what Wiz' little brother is doing and a post later in the thread about where Wiz is now.

    You ARE capable of making these changes. It will be HARD, because you have a lifetime of things to overcome and unlearn. But you CAN do it. The dv center will give you free individual and group therapy, valuable connections, help you get social services (including children's services) to support and help you through this. Your mother will most likely rage and lose her mind because you are escaping her, but it will be the best thing you can do FOR YOUR CHILD.

    As a teen with a baby, it was natural to live iwth your mom, at least for a while. But you are an adult now and you must take a long, hard, unflinching look at how this is all harming your child. Make it about him, at least in your mind. Get him away from your mom and make sure that you are both in therapy. I am willing to bet your mom will at least send a letter to the therapist, outlining all the ways you are not fit to raise him. Guess What? Any decent therapist will see all of the lies, manipulation, and unhealthy toxicity in her and the relationship and counsel you to cut ties as much as possible, completely if you can. Yes, difficult child will go off the deep end for a while. Short term this is bad. Long term? Keep him in therapy, keep working with his current therapist if she is good and with the DV people (and keep difficult child working with them) and the long term outlook will be a LOT different.

    I KNOW how hard it is to overthrow those things you learned from the cradle. I am still working on this. For a couple of decades every therapist I saw told me that I needed to cut ties with my gfgbro and if my parents didn't change then with them also. the last ten years or so they all said to just cut ties, that change was not a realistic goal for me to have for them. I was raised that family was EVERYTHING. If a family member needed it, you did it. To the degree that when my 14yo cousin was in serious danger of sexual and other abuse from her stepdad, I was willing to take her out of that state, to meet with another relative to hide her. husband and I were actually willing to just move iwth her - against the custody order, knowing it was illegal. This is the kind of thing I was taught family did with no hesitation. But from the time I was a teen I realized that while this was the "rule", the "family value", it just didn't apply to ME. Or later to my kids. I couldn't call a relative after 9:30 with-o hearing about how inconsiderate I was for months. But others could call me at 2 am, blather on for hours about NOTHING, and if I got upset or hung up, well, I was a horrible person and sister/daughter/cousin/slime under a rock. I needed something? WOrk it out. Gfbro WANTED something? Jump NOW! I also could not object to things other did, even if it hurt or endangered my children. Gee, put chewing tobacco in my child's sandwich and yell at her when she won't eat it - who did I think I was to object to that? Put booze in the baby bottle (not a teaspoon, fill it up!) and then hide it and the stuff the kid puked on? Why did I have a problem with that? Keep Gma out of therapy? OMG I was the worst person on earth and she was getting custody!!! Go to alanon? Who was I to do that, and what person am I telling them has a problem? How dare I keep it private?

    So you see, I know a lot of what you are living with. Not all, and your mom goes a lot farther than mine did - mine wanted me to feel I could do anything, everything, and then to do it for everyone else in the family while they did NOTHING in return for me. Not just brother, parents, this applied to cousins, uncles, etc....

    It is HARD to cut ties. I only cut ties with gfgbro last June. I realized that my kids had nightmares and panic attacks because of his behavior for a week or more after we saw his vehicle in a parking lot. Not even him, his vehicle was enough to induce this. It was time to put my role as Mom ahead of my roles as sister, daughter, cousin, niece, friend. It has been hard and lonely in some respects, but it has also been wonderful and had far less stress than I knew was possible. My family here on this website helped me do this, and helps me see things as they are instead of how my family wants me to see things. They also help me to realize and remember that I am worth loving and caring about and being treated with respect, courtesy and love.

    We will be here for you for as long as you want us to be. We won't always agree, and will won't hide that. But we won't hold a grudge, slam your head into the pavement when you are down, refuse to speak to you, or be ugly. We will apologize if we are out of line in some way, and let you apologize if it is appropriate and how you feel. We won't blow smoke up your nose but will tell you when you are getting it right and/or doing a great job. We won't lie to you.

    But you have to start to get some help other than here. You are SO worthwhile, you DESERVE a happy life. Your mom is keeping you tied to her because she is afraid and because she likes to manipulate you. It is habit now.

    Call the DV center or stop by to make an appointment. You not only are being abused by your mother, you have been for a long time and the DV center will help you if you ask for it and just keep going back to it.

    Scary as it is, reach out to social services and children's services if they are different agencies where you live (here they are the same one, but they are not always in every area). Get an appointment to speak Occupational Therapist (OT) a social worker. Tell your mom you are at work, out with a friend, at a school function or the therapist. Whatever works. If you can't get a bus, ask them to come and get you - social services usually can set it up and so can the domestic violence center. Or skim a few bucks here and there from the budget and take a taxi. Or ask SO to drive you.

    At age 24 your mom's income will only be factored in while you live iwth her. Even then, as you and difficult child are a separate family legally, you can probably get assistance with-o her info. They may ask for a statement from her about hwat she helps with/provides financially, but explain that she is abusive and you are afraid of her and need to be out of your house because she is harming your child (even if not physical harm) and they will help. There may be waiting lists, but the sooner you sign up the sooner you will get help and get out from under her.

    Come here as often as you want/need. We will be here. If you are not ready to do all of what I suggest, it is okay. Take one thing and do that. I would suggest calling the DV center, because that will give you the most help toward making the other changes. Your mom has NO right to know what you tell them and NO right to see your or your son's medical, therapy, or school records. Take her name off of those things. You don't have to tell her. Just give a note to the school/doctor/therapist/social service agency and they will just stop answering her questions. She can give them info, but they cannot tell her anything.

    I am sorry things are so bad. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))
  15. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I would definitely pursue this route. If you tell them the things you've told us, dating back to your childhood, they just might help you. She IS emotionally abusive. No wonder your stress level is through the roof. Dealing with a difficult child is bad enough but dealing with a mother like that (mine wasn't much better) would send me to the "looney bin".

    The other thing is definitely call Children's Services. They DO help with difficult child's. My son has a case manager, a social skills person, medical, horse therapy, and the option of respite is there if I need it (which I don't right now). Don't let your mother dictate the services you pursue. He is YOUR son and she is doing emotional damage (confusing roles) to him. If she truly feels you are doing it all wrong, tell her "fine, I'll leave for a couple days and YOU deal with him. Good luck" then follow through if you need to.

    {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} and I am sending you some of the strength I have just worked up to deal with my own "mother" (and I use that term loosely).
  16. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    When does SO get there?
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I know I wrote a novel before, your situation just resonates so personally with my relationship with my mom that I wanted to say a lot. First, it is okay if it was too much info at once. Chances are I will repeat myself at some point (not because you didn't read/remember it, but because I ramble sometimes and can be quite verbose - NOT your fault, MINE!) so if you missed something it isn't a problem. And if I am out of line, just tell me. It is okay to tell me that.

    I saw you are in Ohio. Not only do we have other members there, lived there for many years, some as a kid, some as an adult with a family. Grandparents DO have some rights in OH. Here is a link that will explain them:

    Key points are that it has to go to court to establish them, and often a suit just for grandparents' rights won't be scheduled - it needs to be part of a custody issue, etc...

    MENTAL and physical health of ALL parties is evaluated. This means that your/difficult child's tdocs can weigh in on how unhealthy her influence is. Also that HER mental health will be evaluated, not just yours, difficult children, or difficult child's fathers. this means a therapist will evaluate HER. Not sure, but it sounds like that might not go well given her manipulation and control issues. My mom discussed suing for these when we moved away. The suit would have been filed in a state where if the parents are married to each other, the grands have no legal rights. Then seh wanted to file in OH, where we lived. But she had sent all sorts of letters to difficult child's therapist and psychiatrist and they had all sorts of things to say about her. Mostly she gave her version of difficult child's life and medical history - as she hadn't lived near him for 4 yrs at the time, and he was 7, well, what she said was very informative to the docs, but NOT about difficult child, husband or I. It spoke of HER problems. In a very LOUD way.

    Your schedule, the amount of time for difficult child to be with his parents and/or any siblings, AND your wishes expressed to the court will ALL be weighed in. Given her view that you are incapable, and she is all knowing and powerful, well, I doubt it would go the way she wanted it to. How can she be a loving and supportive influence if she spends so much influence telling her own child how she can't do anything right? How long would it take for her to have difficult child around without you to blame for everything before she turned that criticism and negativity on him? THAT is what the court and tdocs/psychiatrists will wonder after she tells them all about your "problems" and how she has to fix everything including what he wears for school, Know what I mean??

    Also, I assume that part of the reason you live iwth her is financial. If difficult child's father is not paying child support, one of the FIRST things that social services will do is go after him for it. He won't be giving you checks or cash, it will be taken out of his check by the state of OH once it is ordered. Of course if you are still together and he is in the household, then his income would count toward household income. I don't know/care if SO is difficult child's father, just letting you know that child support is a financial resource that your child is entitled to. The state is NOT good about searching out dads to make them pay. You might have to figure out wehre he works and tell them, and maybe pressure them to get the paperwork done. If a large sum of back support is due, there are firms who will find the dad and get the support order enforced. They take a % of the back amount due most of the time. Yes, it can be a big %, but if you are not getting any support, well, even getting that amount less the big % the firm takes is more than you had before. It is my understanding that they do not take any out of future support paid, just out of the back amount due.

    This is info to keep in mind - just because your mom says she is going to have the court/state/whomever do something does NOT mean she can do it.
  18. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    You and your son need to get out of that situation ASAP. DSS is a good place to start. Also the WMCA, MHMR and welfare might know of programs that you could be eligable for. It is time to get some training for a decent job. Look into Obama's education grants for single moms. You do not have to be at your mother's mercy. She dominates you and undermines your self esteem so that she can control you. You need to stiffen your backbone and stand up for yourself and for the wellbeing of your child. You do not have to do this alone, there are groups and agencies out there that can help you on your way to independence,
  19. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Get away from her. There is no such thing as grandparent's rights. She is bluffing you. I wouldn't even tell her where you're going. Get your confidence can learn to drive. You do not need this lady demeaning you in front of your son and contradicting everything you do just because. She is abusive...even she wants to keep you a little girl so that SHE won't lose you. She needs to get a life, but that is not your problem. LEAVE!

    If you can do it, move out of state. Don't talk to her until you have enough confidence to tell her that certain topics are off limits, including how you raise your son. (((Hugs)))
  20. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It is very difficult to share a home with your parent and still feel independent. on the other hand, have you taken any steps to become independent other than trying to coparent with your Mom? I assume since you had your son at 17 that perhaps you have been with her for that time and therefore the boundaries have become blurred. That would be the natural consequence of sharing her home. I'm also assuming that perhaps you had to drop out of high school and now your son is school age, you likely don't have a job. Have you tried to get part time employment while he is in school? Have you worked to get your GED?

    Believe me I am absolutely not ragging on you. I am wondering if you have been able to take steps towards independence. I think maybe it's time that you set out a plan to use what free time you have to earn some money and get some self confidence. Moving from a Mom's house into a place with a SO will not give you the confidence that you need in your heart, soul and brain to really feel like an independent adult. Based on your description I doubt that your Mom would support your actions but as a woman who was a single Mom I absolutely know that you must seek out every opportunity to learn and feel more like an adult.

    If I am on the "wrong track" feel free to tell me so. Based on my life experiences as an teenage Mom (although I was 19 and married when my first was born) I understand alot of the issues that come with early parenthood. It was not until I was 29 that I realized that I was an individual who need to learn how to live with-o another adult supporting me.
    You are younger than that and there really are many avenues you can pursue. Explore classes, jobs, counseling and whatever you can think of to help you feel like a true adult. It is not easy but it can be done and I am rooting for you...and your son. As much as SO's and husband's are an important part of life YOU have to figure out who you are and how you want to live. That protects you from being dependent on parents or guys. You can do it! DDD