It's time for a change!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by LouLou, Jan 10, 2011.

  1. LouLou

    LouLou New Member

    Hello everyone,
    I have found this site today because I was looking for some answers for the reason why my 4 year old daughter is well... hyper, full of tantrums, crying all the time, sometimes it feels like she's out of control.

    Every since my daughter was 2 years old, I knew that she was an extermely hyper child. Everyone kept telling me that it was normal and just a stage that she is going through. However, that "stage" that she is going through is getting worse, and I feel like I'm failing as a mother.

    Today has been the worst of them all. No matter what I do, she always cries, yells, and screams at me. She always talks back and doesn't listen.

    I have noticed in the past couple weeks that she is extremely tired. She wakes up at 6am and will not fall asleep until 10pm. I try to have her lay down for naps or I tell her that it is quite time. She refuses. It's like her little brain is just going 50mph. I can see in her eyes that she is tired and I can tell by her actions as well, cranky, she yawns, she's winy, but never wants to sleep or rest. Bedtime is always a hasle for me. I repeatedly have to go in her room to put back in bed, she cries and tries to make up reasons why she doesn't have to go to sleep, and she'll ask me random questions about anything and eveything. Yeah she is only 4 and has alot of questions, but she doesn't stop. I've even tired to lay with her to comfort her, but all she does this try to play, then gets mad when I tell her that it is time to go to sleep.

    She is at a point that she is stealing things from stores, daycare, and even grandma's house. Everytime I have caught her and always made HER return it, along with having her tell them what she had done. I tell her that stealing is bad and is against the law. However she continues to do it. She is also lying way to much, it could even be something so small and pointless.

    When she has her fits, I try not to push it anymore then what it is, but she continues them longer then what it should. I have been trying to teach her on how to relax her body by closing her eyes, breathing in her nose and out her mouth, listening to everything around her, and I ask her how good it feels to relax. I do this when she is in a good mood, so when she is having a fit I can try to get her to do it. It works to a point, but then, as if something inside her wants to keep pushing the fits, she starts it up all over again.

    I am at the point to where it is affecting me and my mental health as well. I'm stressed and tried, and I just want my little girl to be able to control her actions. I fear that, as time goes on, she is going to try to control me, for she is trying so hard to reach that limit. But I'm not going to let her win. I am the mother and she is my 4 year old daughter. I am the one to teach her about love, compassion, trust, happiness, truthfullness, not about angry, stress, sadness. I want her to know that negative feelings and actions are not healthly.

    The question is how do I teach that when she doesn't want to listen?

    There is a family history of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), stress, anxity, depression, add/adhd, and bipolar. I have all seven and my father had all but Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). So for my daughter, I fear that she has been passed some of the same genetics. I am taking care of my disorders, and I think it is time to have my daughter examined. However there is one disorder that I never knew about until today, ODD. She fits the criteria very well.

    I would love to hear about some suggestions about parenting methods for children with mental health conditions.
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi Loulou, welcome to our forum.

    With the mental health history that you've described, I'm thinking it would be good to talk with her pediatrician about starting the evaluation process. There's a book that may be helpful to you called "What Your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You: Discovering the Pathway from Symptoms to Solutions" by Dr. Douglas Riley.

    As for bedtime, I'll tell you what I did when nothing else I tried was working. At bedtime I took my kiddo to the room, told him I was tired and going to bed, and that he could stay up until he was tired but that he needed to stay in the room and read or play quietly. Then I quietly shut the door and went into my room and shut my door as well. Junior stayed up for about 30 minutes playing quietly and then put himself to bed. By taking all the fight out of it it ended bedtime wars at our house for a good long while.
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Welcome LouLou! First things first - don't look at it as "I am going to win"...that'll drive you NUTS! :consoling:

    Keep in mind that until we can figure out what's going on with her, she's probably just as mad, scared and uncomfortable as you are. I agree with SRL about an evaluation. I'd check into a neuropsychologist exam. You'll get a better idea about what's going on and how to handle it.

    The book she suggested is fantastic too.

    When you speak to your pediatrician, look into having an Occupational Therapy evaluation too. She may have sensory issues that could be forcing some of the behaviors. Does she have issues with different types of clothes (materials, etc.) textures of foods, differents smells?

    Gotta go! The Weeble is freaking out because her sleeve is touching the base of her hand...ugh!