the most horrible funk & then I look at the date. I hadn't really acknowledged the new year & it's the anniversary of husband's death is coming fast. I have to be honest - this bout with shingles has given me a good reason to be constantly sleeping, in pj's with dirty hair (I can wash it tomorrow) & a lousy self caring attitude. wm will be here to visit on Thursday afternoon; kt will be home on a weekend pass this weekend. I'm looking into an alarm system of sorts. The twins have no part in the grief & sadness I'm feeling. My mom died 3 years ago today; I've learned Ave Maria to honor her memory. For husband I found the most beautiful carved sculpture called "The Couple". Somehow it doesn't seem enough. I've been thinking back to the night we met in Seattle. At the UBG in the university district - each waiting for a bus going in different directions. I headed into the restaurant for coffee to take the chill off; husband followed. I sat next to my hairdresser (who also happened to be husband's barber). We ended up ordering antipasto & talking for 3 hours. It was a magical evening. We both missed the parties we had intended on attending. Bittersweet memories - brings back smiles & tears. I'm hanging onto the sweet times in our marriage because that's what really made husband & I a couple. Our last anniversary, my 50th birthday gift - a retreat at an abbey. A gorgeous weekend. Just need to hold onto those sweet times, memories. My husband helped me become the person I am today in more ways than I can count - for that I'm forever grateful having had him in my life.