I've been in ....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Jan 5, 2010.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    the most horrible funk & then I look at the date. I hadn't really acknowledged the new year & it's the anniversary of husband's death is coming fast.

    I have to be honest - this bout with shingles has given me a good reason to be constantly sleeping, in pj's with dirty hair (I can wash it tomorrow) & a lousy self caring attitude.

    wm will be here to visit on Thursday afternoon; kt will be home on a weekend pass this weekend. I'm looking into an alarm system of sorts.

    The twins have no part in the grief & sadness I'm feeling. My mom died 3 years ago today; I've learned Ave Maria to honor her memory. For husband I found the most beautiful carved sculpture called "The Couple". Somehow it doesn't seem enough.

    I've been thinking back to the night we met in Seattle. At the UBG in the university district - each waiting for a bus going in different directions. I headed into the restaurant for coffee to take the chill off; husband followed. I sat next to my hairdresser (who also happened to be husband's barber). We ended up ordering antipasto & talking for 3 hours. It was a magical evening. We both missed the parties we had intended on attending. Bittersweet memories - brings back smiles & tears.

    I'm hanging onto the sweet times in our marriage because that's what really made husband & I a couple. Our last anniversary, my 50th birthday gift - a retreat at an abbey. A gorgeous weekend.

    Just need to hold onto those sweet times, memories. My husband helped me become the person I am today in more ways than I can count - for that I'm forever grateful having had him in my life.
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    (((((Hugs))))) I'm glad you have such beautiful memories to cherish. I hope you can get through this month o.k. and that pain from your grief diminishes a little more with each passing month.
  3. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    Not all anniversaries are happy ones, and those that bring sadness back,, along with the memories take a special kind of courage and dignity to face; I think you've got it.
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I'll be thinking of you...

    Sending hugs for your sad heart (((())))))
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    hugs. What a bittersweet time.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Linda you are right to hang on to the happy memories. All marriages (and lives) are filled with happy times, sad times, and hard times. But it is the happy times that keep us going.

    Know we're here for you.
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh Linda.........
    I so understand, and I can deeply empathize.

    H. died almost 2 years ago........and I found myself crying the other day until I snapped back into a whole new reality. I can't really explain it in any other way. I just cried so hard, that I was re-born. Suddenly she was in my spirit again, and I could feel her, and capture her energy and reclaim mine. I guess that is the true essence of grieving.

    Death is truly the most elusive thing - one that I could never ever grasp until it happened. There is not a true way to memorialize it, except in our spirit, mind and soul.

    All of my hugs and prayers are going out to you.
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    Gentle hugs of caring and friendship.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many soft hugs for you, Linda.
  10. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member


    thank you for sharing your feelings. I have a friend who is coming up soon on the anniversary of her husband's death and I am wondering how hard it will be for her and what I might do to help.

    I am so glad that there were good moments and that you can hold onto the memories. In time I hope the ratio of bitter to sweet will lessen.

    Stay strong.
  11. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    thinking the way you do is so very healthy. Remembering the good things, the good times, is so much more what our loved ones would have us do. Things with husband went down so fast, that the good times were the majority. I'm so glad for you that you can set those darker times at the end aside and trully remember who he really was.

    He was a thoughtful, loving and caring husband. He was devoted to the kids to point of always going back for more even after getting slapped in the face (figuratively) time and again by wm. He wanted the family together and never stopped trying to see that happen. He was both a genius, or at the very least, an extreme intellectual, but also creative - as evidenced in his photography. He was a good man, a good husband, and a good father. He was a respected and loyal employee, a good brother and son. There are so many wonderful things to fill your mind and wrap around your heart as you approach this anniversary of his passing. Keep those positive thoughts girl - you are OK.

  12. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    (((hugs))), Linda.

    You are never far from my thoughts.
  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    As painful as this is, I think you are handling it all in a healthy way, too. I have been to the University district in Seattle and spent hours in a cafe or whatever and it's a wonderful place to meet and get to know people. What a great place for you and husband to start your dreams! I really enjoyed reading that part of your and husband's history! You have some wonderful memories to hold onto....
  14. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Ladies, you are a very wise, supportive & caring group. I so appreciate the thoughts, hugs & prayers.

    It's been a very harsh year (or 3); I'm hoping to move forward. I hold onto dear memories of husband; his wicked sense of humor, his love of the written word, furniture making & calculus. His ability to do the Mr. Spock eyebrow thing & build a computer in an afternoon.

    I believe that husband is watching over our little family - keeping us in his heart.

    Thank you.