I've had all I can take

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by goingcrazyinwv, Jun 9, 2010.

  1. goingcrazyinwv

    goingcrazyinwv New Member

    Honestly I don't know how much more I can take. Tonight while I was on the phone with my sister difficult child and easy child 1 got into a fight and difficult child had easy child down on the couch choking him of course she denied it but I checked his neck and it was red all the way around it plus I know he would not lie about that he was so upset and crying. I told difficult child that I have had enough if her behavior doesn't get better she is going to the hospital and if she ever put her hands on anyone I would be calling the cops. Thank god for husband he took all the kids to the store with him so I could have a break.I told husband we need to sit down and make up a list of house rule and consequences for when the rules are broken and no matter what they will be enforced. We will see how it goes. I'm expecting a lot of resistance and bad behavior.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    GC- I think you need more than house rules... you need a safety plan for what each family member is to do if difficult child becomes violent. Also, I'd put in a call to the psychiatrist to let him know that difficult child has attacked her brother.
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I would call psychiatrist too. We have been there done that more times than I can count. I would also wonder if she needs more medications than just intuniv? Hope you can find some resolution.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree about calling the psychiatrist as well. Anytime my difficult child has a major attack I call his psychiatrist. Hugs.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think it is very much time to call the psychiatrist and ask about hospitalization. She tried to kill your easy child. Plain and simple. Whether she is "over" being that mad or not, she did it. Violence cannot be tolerated. Once she has done that she will most likely try it again. Possibly with tragic results.

    Your easy child MUST be in counseling so that he can learn that he truly does not deserve to be treated that way. The local domestic violence center can help with that. Sibling violence IS domestic violence and IS something they help with. You may want to look into some of the books on Sibling Abuse. They can be very helpful to you as a parent to help you find ways to protect the kids.

    You MUST have a safety plan. Period. Put it in writing. Post copies around the house and make SURE that 911 is posted on the phone because kids forget what it is in emergencies. EVERY handset should be labeled. You should role play calling 911 with easy child so that he CAN call for help.

    Choking someone can damage their throat, spine, vocal cords, etc... It does a LOT more than just cut off the air. Repeated choking can cause scarring on the arteries and veins that handle blood flow to the brain. It can create lifelong scar tissue that will be a problem as they get older. (I know because I experienced it as a child and because my daughter went through it with Wiz).

    You may need to have easy child checked by a doctor. If a doctor or teacher sees red marks or any lingering signs of choking they MUST report it to child protection services. Just because another child does it does not negate mandatory reporting. They will want to see the written safety plan, and see if easy child has a safe place to get away from difficult child. Sadly if CPS thinks you have not handled it properly or will not handle it properly they will NOT take difficult child. They will remove easy child. It is FAR easier for them to find a placement for a easy child than for a difficult child. difficult children are expensive so CPS will try to leave them for you to handle, even if the difficult child is terrorizing the family. been there done that on that also. I was appalled at the idea they would take both my younger kids and leave difficult child with me rather than helping all of us or even just helping get difficult child services. The written, posted safety plan will be an important thing to show that you are not taking the situation lightly.

    Have you taken photos of the marks on easy child? In the future you NEED to do this. Bruises may not show for a few days or a week, depending on how deep the damage is. Jess takes at least a week for bruises to show, so it can take that long.

    PLEASE try to get the psychiatrist to help with the aggression. some medications can help (antipsychotics like risperdal, abilify, geodon, seroquel, zyprexa are usually used).

    It is NOT your fault that difficult child went this far. It IS your job to take immediate steps now that you know she has done it once.

    I am sorry this sounds so harsh. I know it is scary to think that difficult child might have killed easy child or caused lasting damage. I know because my difficult child did it to Jess for a long time before I found out. She hid it because he threatened her.

    It IS scary, hard to wrap your brain around, and hard to cope with. there are lots of threads about safety plans in the archives. I think they will be a great help to you.
  6. goingcrazyinwv

    goingcrazyinwv New Member

    Well husband took the kids to the grocery store with him then took difficult child to my cousins for the night I really needed a break. When he got back he was holding a firecracker I ask him why he bought a firecracker he said he didn't one of the kids stole it and he just found it when he got out of the vehicle. So I questioned easy child 1&2 and difficult child stole it. So tomorrow we are calling the cops and meeting them at the store.

    As for the choking I caught it right away thank god. I am calling psychiatrist tomorrow and letting him know what happened. I am taking difficult child to therapist on friday and I am going to ask her if she will help me set up a safety plan. I also found out that she is still talking to the girl I told her she isn't aloud to talk to and she isn't supposed to be on the phone at all she called while I took the dogs out this morning so now I guess I have to carry the phone around with me which isn't going to be easy with two big dogs but I will manage. I think I'm also going to delete her email account.

    I just don't know what to do with this kid my mind is spinning, All of this has happened so close together since the end of may. Thank you all for the help and advice. Hopefully we can get her the help she needs.
  7. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'm sorry you had such a bad day.

    When my son (easy child) was 10 (severe depression at that time) and difficult child was 7, he choked her. It was the last time they were ever alone together - and I was just upstairs. I let him know that if he laid a hand on her again that I would call the police.

    If she has a mood disorder, she needs more then Intuniv. I thought Intuniv was used for ADHD. I would really press that issue with psychiatrist.

    Also, an option we used was to go to the police station and have a juvenile detective talk to your child. Your child isn't in trouble and they don't scare them, but they do tell them how it is and what can happen if they do X again. You would just call ahead, let them know what you need, and schedule a time.