Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Izzy, May 13, 2010.

  1. Izzy

    Izzy Guest

    Over 10 years ago I wandered into this forum as Isabel - a terrified, sad and desperate mom seeking help, support, answers for her 5 year old son. Fran, Star, DammitJanet (who was Coreysmom back then and had recently thrown her dishes out of the kitchen window - Janet, it's just weird how many times over the years I have thought about that post and smiled), Suz, Kris, BLB, slsh, - so many were already part of my life before I ever formally introduced myself because I lurked...for a while. And you, along with so many more, became my lifeline through all of difficult child's phases, hospitalizations, the never ending medication-tweaks and mounting dxes and finally, the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placements.

    I drifted away a couple of years ago from the board shortly before difficult child was discharged from his second Residential Treatment Center (RTC). That was almost 3 years ago. It's hard to believe it's been that long.

    With an initially bumpy start after release, he evened out and for the most part, he's stable and with the exception of those periods in which he is plagued by the unavoidable (so they tell me) and loathsome (so I tell you) teenageritis, he's kinda nice to have around.

    The old rage does flare up on occasion and recently some of those "occasions" got him an in-school suspension, an after-school center suspension, the loss of all electonics for a month and the first increase in medication in three years in just one little short week.

    But what is important, what my focus is now is that...now...he smiles more than he frowns. He laughs, he makes up his bed, he has friends, he has chores that he does without complaint (most of the time), he plays chess, he still tells me he loves me everyday, he puts his arm around me when I stub my toe, he still plays with his toy swords, he found my my high school ring and put it on a chain and wears it around his neck, he uses words like "segue" and "intriguing" in everyday conversation, he stands up for the underdog, he's going to a 3 week long wilderness camp this summer for the 3rd year in a row, he takes a shower without a fight, he would read a book a day if there were enough hours, he shows genuine kindness and love to his grandparents, he plays with and walks his dogs, he gives advice (good) to other kid, he is interested in and can speak to world affairs, he plays raquetball with his dad....

    The delusions have stopped. We've only been close to hospitalization - truely close -- only once and that was over two years ago. The physical aggression - the hitting - is no more but we are still working on bouts of attempts of verbal intimidation. We are still working on hitting doors, walls, etc, but he's also learned the handy skill of drywalling and patching. ;)

    He doesn't remember very much of the worst - or he has blocked it. Either way, I'm grateful for that, too.

    There are days - no, there are weeks - that his disorders and all they brought to his life and ours do not dominant my thoughts. To be honest...some days, they do not enter my thoughts.

    I wish that I could put my finger on a definitive reason, some formula that we accidently stumbled upon, that could explain my son and his transformation. But he's always been somewhat of an enigma. husband and I know and accept that he could relapse, could refuse his medications, regress, and we'll deal with it. But the right now is farther along than, in our dim and darkest days, we feared we would never be and it is a wonderful place to be.

    I really didn't mean to write a novel, lol. I wanted to connect with the people who stood beside me for so long and many, many times held me up. I think about you so often, you all have places in my heart.

    It's never "over" or "fixed" and it just is what it is when you have a difficult child. But for those who are struggling and it seems never-ending, please remember that as long as there is breath, there is hope. This board embodies "hope" for me and always will.

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Izzy, is that really you? Jamie's port in a storm when he was so scared and lonely? LOL. My wonderful Thanksgiving partner!

    I will never forget you either.

    Are you still in the same place? If so, my family is just minutes from you now. Jamie is an Animal Control Officer for Stafford Co. They live there and he has two little ones now. Can you imagine? Boy has time flown! If you are ever in Stafford, you will probably see him in his truck...lol.

    Cory now has daughter that will be 4 next month.

    Im tickled to death that you came back!
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Izzy, I can't tell you how delighted I am to wake up and see your smiling face at the breakfast table this morning. And to sit there and share such wonderful news is awesome! We have missed you.

  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Izzy-you probably don't remember me but I definitely remember you. Your support and kind words helped me through some rough times when my difficult child was younger. I'm so glad to hear he is doing so well-it brought tears to my eyes and gives me hope for the future. So glad to "see" you this morning.
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    What a wonderful surprise Iz. I love your update. It is really hopeful for difficult child. Thanks so much for remembering us/me. It's so healing to know there are cyber friends out there.
    What an amazing story of difficult child growing up. He has come a long way baby..........
    Many hugs.
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Izzy, it's so good to "see" you again. Hearing difficult children update has brought tears to my eyes ~ you are truly one of the most gracious & tenacious warrior mums I've ever met.

    Thanks for dropping by to update us - such good news.
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Isabel - what a wonderful update! So glad you stopped by to give us a smile and a tear.

    I am very happy for you!
  8. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Izzy - what an absolutely delightful surprise this morning!!! It's of course wonderful to hear from you, but your news.... honestly, I'm grinning and crying here. I'm thrilled at how well difficult child is doing - beyond thrilled. It was a long long road that can only make his current case of teenageritis that much sweeter. ;)

    He must be - 15, 16 now? Wow....

    I'm so very *very* happy to see you again, and to hear such fabulous news. Many hugs to you!!!
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Welcome home!!! I also remember you. My son, now called "Wiz" for his obsession with D&D, is also doing well. In the years since you were here I had to have him removed by the deputies and he wound up living with my parents for the last 4 years. He graduated, just got his ACT scores, is almost done with a technical program and is looking at college. Not sure yet what he will do, but he has been working at a grocery store and doing pretty well living with my parents. I have little daily contact with him, but we have made a lot of strides in repairing our relationship and he has also repaired his relationship with his siblings!

    I am THRILLED to hear such wonderful positive news regarding your son. I hope very much that it continues for a LONG LONG time!!!

    Thanks so much for the very positive update!!
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Thanks for the update! You have made my day!
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    WOW! That's AWESOME! I am so proud of you two (and others who made it happen).
    I know the feeling of a setback, but wow, you have made so much progress it's wonderful and incredible.
    I have to admit, I was reading to find a miracle cure, info to help out my son or someone else's kid ;) but you said there was no one, single item or moment ... which I knew to be true, anyway. ;)
    Thank you so much for the update.
  12. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Izzy, I remember you!!!! How great to hear from you after your absence. There are so many people that have come and gone over the years and I wonder about them from time to time. So great to hear the positive update on your difficult child! Stay with us...

  13. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    What a wonderful update -- a true inspiration for so many who are struggling.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Love, Esther