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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 20255" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Grab the chances, give her the support and do what you would do anyway. Maybe be a bit more forgiving with her, because if she's being annoying it's not deliberate. The obsessive behaviours are not something you should try and stop, for example.</p><p></p><p>What worked for us (on top of using every support and intervention you can get) - work with her, play with her on her terms and using the things she's enjoying. Use these to help expand her world. For us, we helped difficult child 3 to communicate by using his extreme interest in reading numbers and letters. We wrote down small words that he was interested in ("STOP" is a good one - it's on stop signs and it's a valuable word for them to learn). We would read the words to him, show him the picture of the word and then we would role-play the word. I would encourage him to tell me to stop, then I would have a turn with him. Or we would do it together. It was a game. I made little disposable books for him out of a folded sheet of paper (three folds in half), stapled down one side.</p><p></p><p>We watched TV programs that he liked and we did it together. He liked game shows (numbers on the score) and he also liked TV shows that taught English as a second language to adults. In a way, these kids seem to learn communication as if it's a second language.</p><p></p><p>Don't take this the wrong way, but I hope your daughter IS autistic. It would be good news, considering the options. Given what you say about her already, she would be high-functioning and already is showing some high skill areas which will stand her in good stead later. Yes, it will be difficult at times, but from what you say I can see so much potential there within your grasp (and hers). Just keep working with her, playing with her and stimulating her. Find what she likes and share it with her.</p><p></p><p>Our understanding of autism has changed such a great deal - it's almost diametrically opposed to what people used to think. husband is grieving and in denial (first stage of grief). But there is joy there, too, in the wonderful things your daughter will learn to do. Don't worry about age-appropriate. Some things will take her a lot longer to grasp, especially some basic skills like maybe toilet training. Other things she will grasp years before she should (like her numbers). Expose her to a range of things and see what she seems to be attracted to. Read books to her. Write books for her about her, put photos of you all in the books, read them to her. I put printout pages in a photo album and gave them to difficult child 3. If you have a family outing, take photos and later write about the adventure, using the photos. Keep ringing the changes. Make your environment an enriched one. Enlist husband in something you feel he can handle with her - maybe reading to her, maybe playing a number game. </p><p></p><p>Keep a diary - just make notes of anything unusual she says or does, the good stuff, the fun stuff and the bad stuff. It WILL get better. A record like this is useful for doctors and teachers later on, as well as good for you to look back on and see how far she's come.</p><p></p><p>There are some good books - anything by Temple Grandin could help you and husband right now. Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child" can help you get a better grasp on behaviour issues. And "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon is fictional, but fascinating. It's written from the point of view of a teenager with autism. Don't let husband read that one yet.</p><p>"Son Rise" might help husband to feel happier about things, although the child described in that book sounds different to your daughter. But it IS written from a father's point of view.</p><p></p><p>Good luck and grab those opportunities!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 20255, member: 1991"] Grab the chances, give her the support and do what you would do anyway. Maybe be a bit more forgiving with her, because if she's being annoying it's not deliberate. The obsessive behaviours are not something you should try and stop, for example. What worked for us (on top of using every support and intervention you can get) - work with her, play with her on her terms and using the things she's enjoying. Use these to help expand her world. For us, we helped difficult child 3 to communicate by using his extreme interest in reading numbers and letters. We wrote down small words that he was interested in ("STOP" is a good one - it's on stop signs and it's a valuable word for them to learn). We would read the words to him, show him the picture of the word and then we would role-play the word. I would encourage him to tell me to stop, then I would have a turn with him. Or we would do it together. It was a game. I made little disposable books for him out of a folded sheet of paper (three folds in half), stapled down one side. We watched TV programs that he liked and we did it together. He liked game shows (numbers on the score) and he also liked TV shows that taught English as a second language to adults. In a way, these kids seem to learn communication as if it's a second language. Don't take this the wrong way, but I hope your daughter IS autistic. It would be good news, considering the options. Given what you say about her already, she would be high-functioning and already is showing some high skill areas which will stand her in good stead later. Yes, it will be difficult at times, but from what you say I can see so much potential there within your grasp (and hers). Just keep working with her, playing with her and stimulating her. Find what she likes and share it with her. Our understanding of autism has changed such a great deal - it's almost diametrically opposed to what people used to think. husband is grieving and in denial (first stage of grief). But there is joy there, too, in the wonderful things your daughter will learn to do. Don't worry about age-appropriate. Some things will take her a lot longer to grasp, especially some basic skills like maybe toilet training. Other things she will grasp years before she should (like her numbers). Expose her to a range of things and see what she seems to be attracted to. Read books to her. Write books for her about her, put photos of you all in the books, read them to her. I put printout pages in a photo album and gave them to difficult child 3. If you have a family outing, take photos and later write about the adventure, using the photos. Keep ringing the changes. Make your environment an enriched one. Enlist husband in something you feel he can handle with her - maybe reading to her, maybe playing a number game. Keep a diary - just make notes of anything unusual she says or does, the good stuff, the fun stuff and the bad stuff. It WILL get better. A record like this is useful for doctors and teachers later on, as well as good for you to look back on and see how far she's come. There are some good books - anything by Temple Grandin could help you and husband right now. Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child" can help you get a better grasp on behaviour issues. And "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon is fictional, but fascinating. It's written from the point of view of a teenager with autism. Don't let husband read that one yet. "Son Rise" might help husband to feel happier about things, although the child described in that book sounds different to your daughter. But it IS written from a father's point of view. Good luck and grab those opportunities! Marg [/QUOTE]
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