When he wants to do something, J either goes ahead and does it even if I say "no" or he eventually accepts the no with the most almighty fuss. Starting out with the best will in the world, I find myself getting frazzled and angry. Not the best response, I know, but human... Here is a small example. Yesterday he drew all over himself with a child's felt-tip pen. I don't know but I don't imagine this does the skin any good - could be slightly toxic? This morning he wanted to do it again and I said no. He then started wheedling and trying to persuade, on and on, with me continuing to say no (because once you start you have to continue - maybe he also works on the principle?). The upshot? I ended up saying I would draw a little something on him and he then took the pen and drew something on his stomach... It all reminds me of some dysfunctional relationship. I end up feeling ineffectual and almost like saying to him "Go ahead, then, be your own bloody parent!". And none of this is going to get easier, that is sure and certain.