J visit update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Abbey, Jan 12, 2008.

  1. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Well, you could have hit me upside the head with a driving wedge and I would not have predicted our visit, which is continuing.

    Poor Fran...gets my frantic, emotional phone call. :hypnosis:

    Much to my surprise, J looks better than I have seen him in more than 10 years. He's healthy, articulate, has a good sense of humor...everything I could wish for.

    He is working VERY hard to get out of his place in life and get on to something better.

    We had a few short chats about the past and he seems quite aware of what happened and why we responded the way we did.

    He's got a girlfriend (the 46 yr/old one) who seems very nice and they seem to get along quite well. As odd as it is, I think she is good for him.

    My fingers are triple crossed, but I think he's got it this time.

    I can't stop looking at him. He looks NORMAL. He doesn't look all drugged out. I told him how proud I was of what he has done so far. It will be a long road for him, but he seems willing to go down that road now.

    If there is any time for hope, it is now. It has been so hard detaching, but there may be a chance to reconnect.

  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed, Abbey. I'm glad to hear that it went well and that he is looking and sounding good.
  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    It was such an uplifting call.
    Every time one of "ours" does well there is a ripple of hope for the rest of us.

    You have had years of heartache but here he is and there you are. Right in his corner encouraging him.

    Many hugs to both of you.
  4. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That is absolutely wonderful news! Enjoy your visit.

  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    What a wonderful post to read this morning, Abbey. I'm thrilled for you...and husband....and J!

    How simply fantastic. :bravo:

    Big hugs,
    Suz :princess:
  6. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Very awesome news. Rejoicing with you.
  7. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    It sounds pretty good. May this woman keep influencing him in such a positive manner.

    So, when are you visiting him again?
  8. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    I am glad your visit went well with J. Hoping the best for all of you.
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sitting here grinning along with you. What a lovely and unexpected boost for you all. Hugs. DDD
  10. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Abbey, my heart is bursting with joy. The joy you feel, the joy husband must feel, the joy J must certainly feel about himself. For him to be aware and understand the past is totally awesome!!


  11. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/beach_ball.gif Excellent update! Thanks so much for letting us know!

  12. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member

    Oh Abbey,

    What a wonderful update. :smile: I read your thread about the visit and just checked in before going to work and happened to catch the update. Brought tears to my eyes and Fran is right..when one of ours does well it gives the rest of us hope. :smile:

    It has been a long, long hard road for you and I can't even begin to understand all the pain but I can feel your joy. :angel:

    I'm so happy for you.. and J. :smile: Keeping everything crossed for continued progress. :woohoo:

  13. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    What a nice post to wake up to. :smile:

  14. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Abbey, for that update. Yes it's true, it gives us all a glimmer of hope. I hope this time things work out better -- it certainly sounds possible this time around. With cautious happiness and cautious optimism, I send you a big hug.

    Love, Esther
  15. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member



    What a great post!


    Wahoo!!! Fingers crossed it continues!

  16. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Our visit went very well. They did get evicted, but he didn't want his dad to know. (Still doesn't.) They can't get credit to get another apartment so the plan is to put their stuff in storage and live at one of those night by night motels until they can save more money. It is SO tempting to help them out more than we did, but I think this growing part is good for him.

    I just couldn't get over how he looked. Baggy pants are gone, nice short haircut, pressed clothes.

    He says for the first time ever, it feels good to put his uniform on and work hard every day. He rides his bike 3 miles to work. He works for a pipe fitting company. He actually expressed interest in going to college so he could work in the office instead of in the yard!

    He has one of those pay as you go cell phones that he guards with his life. It's good to see him value things that are luxuries and not just expect them.

    He works one day a week in a soup kitchen by his choice. He says it makes him appreciate how good he really does have it.

    He has to attend 52 weeks of anger management classes as a condition of his parole. He's not so happy about that, but sheepishly agrees that it might be good for him.

    Finally, he confided to me that he really got a HUGE break in being released from prison this last time. He had a hearing two days before last Christmas and was initially sentenced to 30 years. He thinks the judge was in the 'holiday' mood, or there was some sort of divine intervention. He only served 2 years. So, now he goes to church. :nonono: Hey...I'll take it anyway it comes.

    As Esther says, I have cautious optimism that he's on the right path. It's more than I've seen in YEARS.

    Wahoo!! :woohoo:

  17. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    To hear him appreciate he life he has right now sounds truly amazing. Not only being proud of working but having plans for the future and helping those with less --- WOW!!!
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Sometimes what a Mother's heart and a Mother's eyes see - are so totally different. But every once in a while we get to see what our heart sees and it's so beautiful.

    I'm going to remain pretzled up and optimistic.

    There really isn't a smiley face for how I feel for you - but multiply the cheezy grin one by 100 - It gives me hope


    Hugs for your great news
  19. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    You know, Abbey, it truly sounds as if maybe this time, he has finally internalized the fact that if he lives according to the rules, life will be much better for him. And maybe, just the fact that he got such a lucky break having his sentence shortened like that, maybe that's what it has taken to make him see the light. And then again, maybe it's just something inside our children that makes them hit rock bottom before they can start coming back up.

    I have this idea deep inside me, I've always had it, with my older difficult child (today 38, and no longer difficult child, about to get married) and with present difficult child (ugh!), that it is a matter of finding the right button to press, something has to switch on the right way, and then they will see the light and finally finally start behaving in tune with society, instead of going against it with their heads against the wall.

    And it sounds to me as if maybe this time J has finally had that button pressed.

    I truly truly hope so, for him, and for you and all your family. You certainly deserve a break after all you have been through with him.

    It is so good to hear you voicing positive feelings.


    Love, Esther
  20. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Abbey, I know how good that feels when you finally see your child in "normal" pants. I know I sure was pleasantly surprised when Angela gave up her huge baggy pants.

    From what you've told us, it really does sound like J FINALLY gets it! Eager to go to work, appreciating what he has, helping out in a soup kitchen. WOWZERS! That's awesome news.