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Jaded Perspective vs Reality
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 638590" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>dstc, you are right. Yet these people are coming to us for help and our opinion and advice. What they are doing isn't working. If you ask for advice, I will give you what I feel will work the best. Actually, if they ask a counselor or psychologist or psychiatrist, they will get the same answer. That's where I first heard that I could take care of myself and did not deserve to be abused, even by my husband, even though he was sick and thought he was going to die. I had to hear it first to mull over this new idea and decide if I accepted it. Now I realize there is never an excuse for abuse and I will not tolerate it, but I had to hear it the first time to even realize I had a choice to set boundaries and decide that I did not want to be treated poorly even by somebody I loved who was ill. (He is still alive by the way).</p><p></p><p>Just because we give advice doesn't mean anyone has to listen to it. We give it...what they do with it...that is their decision. Some people will forever live to take care of an adult child, even if the parent is 90 and the "child" is 70. They suffer elder abuse by another elder! Would we tell a woman who is being abused, swindled, lied to, cheated on etc. by her husband who she loved to stay in the marriage anyway, even though many, many women do stay with belittling, physically and verbally abusive men?Even though she loves him would we tell her to keep on living with him? After all, nobody is all bad. He has a good side. He is the father of their children? too, although the children are obviously scared of him. Would we tell this woman who came to us for advice that the best thing to do is to put up with it because she loves him? Would we maybe tell her to make him leave, get joint counseling before even considering letting him back in with him, or else leave him for her own safety and that of her children? Don't our other children deserve to be safe from a wild and crazy difficult child? I don't see it as being that different. Abuse is abuse.</p><p></p><p>It's not all that different. Most of our adult children are abusive towards us in various ways. We give the best advice we know...don't allow yourself to be abused. It is relatively new that anyone ever spoke of abusive children. It was always the parents who did the abusing that got all the attention. But there is a big problem now (maybe always) where adult children abuse their parents. They are younger and stronger and often fearless and dangerous. It is starting to become an issue in the news...it has started with elder abuse by children. These grown children who partake in elder abuse of their parents were probably not prize packages even before their parents became so sick that there was concern about the abuse. Most likely these "kids" have always been difficult children in a major way.</p><p>We all know that it happens even when the parent is not elderly too. Do we take it or not take it? Like the abused wife, it is up to us to decide.</p><p></p><p>We give th e best advice we know of...nobody has to listen.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 638590, member: 1550"] dstc, you are right. Yet these people are coming to us for help and our opinion and advice. What they are doing isn't working. If you ask for advice, I will give you what I feel will work the best. Actually, if they ask a counselor or psychologist or psychiatrist, they will get the same answer. That's where I first heard that I could take care of myself and did not deserve to be abused, even by my husband, even though he was sick and thought he was going to die. I had to hear it first to mull over this new idea and decide if I accepted it. Now I realize there is never an excuse for abuse and I will not tolerate it, but I had to hear it the first time to even realize I had a choice to set boundaries and decide that I did not want to be treated poorly even by somebody I loved who was ill. (He is still alive by the way). Just because we give advice doesn't mean anyone has to listen to it. We give it...what they do with it...that is their decision. Some people will forever live to take care of an adult child, even if the parent is 90 and the "child" is 70. They suffer elder abuse by another elder! Would we tell a woman who is being abused, swindled, lied to, cheated on etc. by her husband who she loved to stay in the marriage anyway, even though many, many women do stay with belittling, physically and verbally abusive men?Even though she loves him would we tell her to keep on living with him? After all, nobody is all bad. He has a good side. He is the father of their children? too, although the children are obviously scared of him. Would we tell this woman who came to us for advice that the best thing to do is to put up with it because she loves him? Would we maybe tell her to make him leave, get joint counseling before even considering letting him back in with him, or else leave him for her own safety and that of her children? Don't our other children deserve to be safe from a wild and crazy difficult child? I don't see it as being that different. Abuse is abuse. It's not all that different. Most of our adult children are abusive towards us in various ways. We give the best advice we know...don't allow yourself to be abused. It is relatively new that anyone ever spoke of abusive children. It was always the parents who did the abusing that got all the attention. But there is a big problem now (maybe always) where adult children abuse their parents. They are younger and stronger and often fearless and dangerous. It is starting to become an issue in the news...it has started with elder abuse by children. These grown children who partake in elder abuse of their parents were probably not prize packages even before their parents became so sick that there was concern about the abuse. Most likely these "kids" have always been difficult children in a major way. We all know that it happens even when the parent is not elderly too. Do we take it or not take it? Like the abused wife, it is up to us to decide. We give th e best advice we know of...nobody has to listen. [/QUOTE]
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