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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 656177" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Wendy,</p><p></p><p>Child just gave you some fabulous tools. During my recovery, sometimes these phrases were all I used with my son. I wrote them down when I came up with new ones. "Oh" is particularly good. I was also found of "that sounds hard, but I am sure you will figure it out." See if you can start using them. Write them down. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Right. You do not need to explain yourself. That is a trap. I used to think that I had to get him to agree with me before I could proceed on a new path (this is the price of growing up with a narcissistic father and then marrying a narcissist). NEWS FLASH:: that won't happen! Stop trying to get his permission or understanding. We do things differently from one person to another. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Right. He is making his choices without concern or consultation with you. Why do you need to consult him?</p><p></p><p>Wendy,</p><p></p><p>If all your love and care and money could have fixed him, he would be fixed by now, probably many times over. The thing is...that is not the way of fixing. He has to fix himself. You have to fix yourself. You started when you posted here. </p><p></p><p>Hugs again,</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 656177, member: 17269"] Wendy, Child just gave you some fabulous tools. During my recovery, sometimes these phrases were all I used with my son. I wrote them down when I came up with new ones. "Oh" is particularly good. I was also found of "that sounds hard, but I am sure you will figure it out." See if you can start using them. Write them down. Right. You do not need to explain yourself. That is a trap. I used to think that I had to get him to agree with me before I could proceed on a new path (this is the price of growing up with a narcissistic father and then marrying a narcissist). NEWS FLASH:: that won't happen! Stop trying to get his permission or understanding. We do things differently from one person to another. Right. He is making his choices without concern or consultation with you. Why do you need to consult him? Wendy, If all your love and care and money could have fixed him, he would be fixed by now, probably many times over. The thing is...that is not the way of fixing. He has to fix himself. You have to fix yourself. You started when you posted here. Hugs again, Echo [/QUOTE]
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