jail visit over!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by standswithcourage, Dec 24, 2007.

  1. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Well I survived it again. My husband wasnt able to go in with me. They said only one person and the other person would have to make another appointment. So anyway - he was there to support me. My difficult child was ok - he wants me to bond him out before court so he can go to a rehab that this man said he could get him into. I dont know what to do about it right now because we dont have the money. I said to him and what if you "blow" the rehab - then what - he said he would be not in good shape! Anyway, I still cant believe him yet - trust is hard to earn back. He did smile a couple of times and said he had a room to himself right now! He said he was tired of sitting there and I reminded him of why he is there and why he is not home with us on Christmas inistead of me coming here! I still cant see the transformation yet! I am not waiting for perfect - because if will never be - but the humbleness I am not seeing yet. Who knows. I will go to church tonight and pray for direction. At least he is still alive - I told him that and he just looked at me and made a face like - yeah right Mom! Anyway, that is an update. :santa: Merry Christmas!
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I am so glad that you had the visit and it did not go poorly. I
    know it would have been wonderful if he had sincerely fallen to his knees in remorse and gratitude :rolleyes: BUT that is not likely to happen.

    on the other hand, the good news is that you did what you felt you should do
    and you survived it. I hope when you go to church tonight that you will get a sense of peace about the situation.

    I'm not very religious in the technical sense but I do "believe"
    in my heart. On more that one occasion I have wondered, did Mary
    know what was happening to her son at the end of his life on earth? We mortals go through such pain when our children suffer
    addictions and repercussions. How would one cope with the horror
    of the crucifixtion? Just like us...the day of birth brought so much joy. Tomorrow we need to recall that happiness. DDD
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that it went well. Two logical things about your post stick out to me.

    You don't have the money. It speaks for itself. A person invested in recovery wouldn't ask you to take out a loan to make bond then say that if they fail in that recovery "he would be not in good shape."

    When you pray tonight for guidance, I hope you will pray for God to allow you to see the whole picture. The one that includes you and the rest of your family and how it would effect the rest of you if you bailed him out.
  4. Anna1345

    Anna1345 New Member

  5. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Thanks to all of you for your support and words of wisdom which mean so much to me. Thanks for bringing to light the wonder of this season! :christmasgift:
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm glad you had a good visit. I'm sorry he still isn't standing up like a man.

    If you had the money and you bonded him out, do you honestly believe he would succeed with rehab or is it just another way to try to manipulate the court to give him another chance? He needs to want rehab, to want to quit using, not just do a "look good." Sadly, I wouldn't spend a dime on an addict who truly didn't want help. I would give my son support in jail or prison as much as I reasonably could but I wouldn't help him get out not unless he truly wanted to change.

    You don't have the money. In some ways, that makes it easier. Not a happy thing, but maybe the best thing for him. Hopefully, he will begin to see that he is where he is because of drug use. Maybe he'll even see that what his life will be like if he continues on this path. More importantly, maybe he'll begin to see what his life could be like if free of drugs. Maybe then he'll want that life instead of the drug life. Until he sees this, he is where he needs to be for his own safety.

    I hope you and yours have a good Christmas tomorrow. May you find joy and peace with the son you have at home.

    Merry Christmas!
  7. jmama45

    jmama45 New Member

    I am trying to catch up on what happened with your difficult child. Sorry I dont know the whole story, but I do know my heart breaks for you and us all going through this. I am glad you made it through the visit. I am sooo glad they do not allow visits where my difficult child is, I know I would be sick over having to see him in there. Please have a good day on Christmas and know you are not alone.
  8. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Thanks! I am finding I am actually missing him today or maybe just the wholeness of the family. It is sad but he is doing ok where he is right now. At least he is not running around stoned or something. My difficult child gave a minor some loratab! Actually I suspected something was going on and tried and tried to tell him not to hang out with that young kid - 15 years old. They would fish together at the p ond in our neighborhood when my son was off work. This kid was homeschooled and roamed the neighborhood. Anyway I told that kid not to come back on my property and practically threw him off a lot and was going to p ut a no trespassing on him through the magistrate. Then my son kept hanging out with him and his mother found pills in his room and I believe pot - she called the police and they came to our house my difficult child was not there at the time - I had been walking in the neighborhood and saw the police - I told them I didnt know where he was and that was the truth - my difficult child comes in and the police ask him about it and he starts denying it - I cant stand to sit there and here him lie - anyway he finally told the truth they arrested him in my kitchen - I was devastated again. My husband was not home at the time - it seems it is always like that - they got him for contributing to the deliquency of a minor - the other kid got house arrest and is probably off now. I dont know what will happen now - my son has been messing with drugs for 6 years - has suffered consequences over and over and I just dont understand what it will take - that is most of the story. I could write a book. Anyway I am almost glad I dont have to worry about him on the street. That is worse to me. I have had to do that also. He was here last Christmas but seemed to be out of it most of the time - even when we went to church he seemed zoned out. God has a plan I know - I am just hanging in here to find out what it is. :xmasdancers:
  9. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Glad you had a good visit. Got a pretty big kick outta this

    A room to himself.... :faint: in jail.... I don't know, I just found it humorous.

    Perhaps a bit a denial in his mind?? "I have my own room" He's incarcerated!! Like, it's a good thing to have your own room at the jail?!!

    Don't mean to hurt your feelings, really, it just struck me as funny. :hammer:

  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Stands - you sound much stronger these days. I am happy for you!

    I know it is sad, but you have to do your thing now. He is doing his thing. Not the thing you wanted for him, but it is his thing.
  11. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Yes you are right! It was kinda funny about the room to himself bit. I guess he was just thinking there was no one else in there right now. Today the little guy from the Triune Ministries here went to see him again. He is kinda the go between the jail and "help" - rehab if they want it - anyway he said he looked better than the time before, he had on a blue outfit instead of orange which meant he was volunteering somewhere in the jail - it will look better for the judge if he is doing something - the little guy said he was using his brain better - he can get my difficult child into a long term rehab (CHristian) if and when he wants to go or if it is an option - we have made it clear to the PD and everyone - so has my difficult child - I dont know when his court date is yet - it is a waiting game - I am going to see my Daddy in Georgia this weekend - my mother died 2 years ago while my difficult child was in prison (11 months). He was the apple of her eye - first grandchild, etc. - it hurt him not to be able to see her or be at the funeral - I hope he gets it sooner or later - I just know right now I cant imagine him coming home - also the ministry guy game him a Recovery Bible - said he would go back and check on hiim and try to talk to the PD. We will see. I am not as anxious as I was before. It is his thing. I know he might have a mental illness and is an addict but there is help for that - I cant keep on beating my head against a wall and hope to survive myself - it is so hard watching them self-destruct - we finally told him if he wanted to self - destruct he needed to go somewhere else - however it is not as much fun when someone who doesnt care as much watches you self destruct - they just tell you to get out! :future:
  12. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I had a great visit with my daddy and sister and brother this weekend. My daughter and her husband went to the Peach Bowl in Atlanta. I havent gotten a letter from my difficult child lately. He is volunteering in the kitchen at the jail. I guess he got tired of sitting there. :smile:
  13. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member


    You do sound a lot stronger, and more detatched. It sounds like you're learning to let your difficult child own his problems, and learning to find things that make YOU happy. Way To Go!

    I'm so glad to hear that you had a great visit with your family.

    All the best,
  14. Scent of Cedar II

    Scent of Cedar II New Member

    Just wanted you to know I am reading along too, Stands.

    Trinity is right ~ you sound so much more centered and grounded.