Janet, have I missed an inning or two?

[Star*]

The OH TONY I LOVE YOUR FOOD - is a ploy. Nothing more. If Tony doesn't belive that BUCK is blowing smoke up the old stove pipe - They ought to have Buck be out one night and let JANET cook - then tell Buck that TONY cooked it and then see if BUCK raves over "Tony's" cooking. It's not any big deal - he's stroking Tony's ego so he can buy a few more "credits' of staying at the old HOMESTEAD - TONY may have said something like Janet never makes a fuss when he cooks and BUCK being a manipulator took that to be - an AH HA moment - and BUCK is an opportunistic fart ------so he capitalizes on things that he KNOWS will make TONY feel better......ANd that's all I'm going to SAY about that......(said like Forrest , ForrestGump)

 

[donna723]

That's a very good idea, Star! Take something that Janet made, then tell Buck that Tony made it! Or take something that Tony made and tell him that Janet made it. Then just sit back and wait for Buck's reaction! Surely Tony couldn't ignore that! And it would be worth it just to see the expression on Buck's face when he finds out that he accidentally raved about something Janet made or bad-mouthed something that Tony made!

 

[Star*]

OH I like YOUR idea even BETTER Donna - Let Tony make something and .......Yeah - THAT"S just wicked......Of course there would have to be something in it for TONY........He is going to have his ego smished.

 

[1905]

...and we all know where the keys to the truck went, that snake is biding his time. Who knows what he plans with the truck...it's just insurance for the future to him. He sits back happily letting Janet take the blame. Hmmm, what bettet time to do that than when Tony's away for a few days. Tony would never suspect....yeah it's all Janet's fault, please!!!! I wonder what he plans to do with the truck, up and leave with "his new truck"? Not yet, I bet he's stil got some ducks to get in a row before he bleeds them completely dry. Janet sees it, Tony never may. She's his roadblock, talk about crazy, this is her house and he is not any kind of guest. He's the kind that bides him time before taking everything of value and leaving. Look at his history, where's Tony? Let him read this. Wake up Tony! Your wife comes first.

 

[Star*]

I think Janet should buy one of those steering wheel locks - what is the name of those? And keep it hidden - and when Tony goes away - sneak out and put it on the steering wheel. Then again - You can always disable the dern thing. Or train up 11 of those Pit - American Puppies to hate UNCLE BUCK. WE should start calling him FIFFY cent.......he's already spent Fifty cents out of a dollar old Buck he has. Pretty soon we'll be calling him Uncle Quarter, then Uncle Dime, Uncle NIckle - and eventually sad to say but it will be Uncle Penny........(wow that's not good at any table is it? Uncle Penny)

 

[DammitJanet]

LOL....

Sorry I have been missing but I have been doing a bit of recon work plus attempting to be in the same room as the two of them as much as possible when they are home.

I went into the room Buck is sleeping in today and did some searching of the drawers just to see what he had in there. I had mentioned to Tony about a week or so ago that I hadnt ever seen our water bill but asked him the other day if he would just go pay it for me. Well lo and behold, in the top drawer of the dresser next to the bed in his room there was this months water bill! There was also a receipt from a jewelry store for a gold necklace worth $140! He bought that on the 19th of this month.

Now here is the gross part. Sitting on the table that the tv sits on was one of those 64 oz cups that you can get at gas stations full of pee. He has been bringing those plastic cups home every day for the last week or so and putting ice in them. I saw it and at first thought it was just water but when I got closer I could see it was really dark yellow and I smelled it. I called Billy in an showed him to verify it and he said yep...urine.

Well when Tony got home I made up an excuse to have him go in the room on the pretense I needed him to help me look for a bag of baby quilts that was supposed to be in that closet and I showed him that cup. He claimed that it was just old water and that I was just imagining it was pee and that if I actually got close enough to smell it then I was the one who was weird and nasty!

I really contemplated how to handle that cup. I didnt know whether to leave it where it was or if I maybe shouldnt have brought it out and put it in the middle of the clean kitchen island for everyone to see. Like a neon sign. At that point Tony would obviously have asked why is there a cup of pee here and then I could have said...ask Buck.

Now when I went to bed, I told Tony that if he thinks I am lying about that pee, he should know that Billy smelled it too and knows its pee so he cant deny it. I cant pee that much in one day so I didnt plant it and I havent had access to those cups. The whole idea that he would pee in a cup in that room when that room is the closest room to the bathroom is just unreal. Seriously, it is more steps from my bed to my master bathroom toilet than from the bedroom he is in to that bathroom. Something is seriously mentally wrong for him to do that.

I also have had it up way over my head with the fact that he simply cannot just go to his room and entertain himself from time to time. Let Tony and I have our own time the same way Billy does. Billy isnt all over us just because he lives here. We shouldnt have to entertain him like a guest constantly. I also have had to put up a sign with pictures next to the door saying dont put my dog out at night. Im waiting to see if it works tonight. I put it up at eye level next to the front door. Now Tony is trying to blame this on Billy too but Billy doesnt do this at night...daytime...yeah.

Yes I will try to find the number to the boarding house and I will call them. I will actually accept the room sight unseen. Give them Bucks name. I believe this landlord is associated with someone that works with Tony some how. This has got to end soon or I will be forced to evict someone. Actually I found out that since Buck has never paid anything towards rent he isnt considered a tenant. TG.

 

[1905]

peeing in cups? so gross! How can this go on? He's mentally ill.

 

[Signorina]

Buck is gaslighting you. He is insane and needs to be OUT by whatever means it takes.

He is trying to come between you & Tony so HE can be close to Tony. And who knows why he wants Tony to himself? I am guessing once he drives you out, he will become a total parisite on Tony. Right now, you won't let that happen and he knows it.

Get him out of there. This can't go on. Sure the urine is gross & the necklace is annoying-but stealing the water bill is an attempt to make you look crazy. Gaslighting.

 

[Hound dog]

I would be rapidly reaching the point where I'd drag my man to a motel room (get your mind out of the gutter Star) where I could pin him down about this over the top "obligation" he has with Buck. The motel room is so you can talk/yell in private.

Because honestly, if Buck were female, all this junk and Tony's reaction to it would make sense. But Buck is both male and Tony's brother and Tony should have his foot up the guy's rear, not his ego inflated. Something is seriously wrong with this dynamic between the two of them. Tony has raised difficult children for pete's sake, it's not like he hasn't been around the block. And while I know usually dad's are slow to catch on.......still. And knowing that Buck has pulled this routine with the other family members to the point it got him tossed out...........should make Tony wary, not protective. Something is not right here. I still say Buck has something he's holding over Tony's head. Could be something from way back many years ago. But I bet my bottom dollar on it. That or Buck has always easily manipulated Tony like a bow on a fiddle.........which I have trouble believing or Tony would've been the first family member Buck showed up at, not the last.

I'm venturing to assume that his holiday "visit" was scouting the territory. Buck knew, either with manipulation or that something he has on Tony, that Tony wasn't going to be an issue. Janet has always been the issue. So his holiday stay was a scouting trip. A way to size up his opposition, to figure out the one holding the power in the relationship. Due to Janet's illnesses ect, he figures the one holding the power is Tony. So to him, it's open season. Having grown up with Tony, he knows which buttons to push.

So IF Janet could get some time alone with Tony and actually talk to him about this unnatural obligation deal he has going on concerning Buck.......and if he would tell her his real reason for his behavior, she might be able to severe that link. Katie had something like this with husband. It was the whole not seeing her very much during her childhood (she thought she could use the CS too but that one was nipped in the bud). The moment she played her card I saw immediately where she was going with it, husband of course flopped right into her hands. It took some talking and reasoning with the man.....but eventually he saw what she was doing and it royally peeved him off to the point she was never able to play a card like that again. The "thing" that is held over the victims head doesn't have to be major, it just has to have the desired effect on the victim. So while you or I might here it and think wth seriously?? they do take it seriously. Know what I mean??

But see, this is why Buck won't leave you alone with Tony, Janet. If you two become a united front against him, he's outta there, and he knows it. So he keeps the two of you apart, strokes Tony's ego, feeds Tony lord knows what garbage to keep him ticked at you (if he's ticked off, he's certainly not going to want to talk), and keeps doing things to rile you up so that it backs up whatever the heck he's been feeding Tony in private. Once your gone, Janet, he's home free and he knows it.

I'd do the switch a roo thing with the food. Maybe you can make it out to be a practical joke on Buck, just having a little fun, ya know. Pick something Tony really likes that you cook to do the switch... I would soooooooooooooo do this one. lol Seriously I would.

The peeing in a cup is another way to annoy you dear. That and he's too lazy to go to the bathroom. It would've been the receipt AND the water bill I'd have shown Tony. Why on earth would your water bill be in HIS room? And wth is the man doing buying expensive jewelry when he's supposed to be saving for a place to live? Oh, I'd not blow up about it. I'd simply show them to Tony and walk away, not give him the opportunity to defend Buck because I would refuse to listen. Although if Tony asked why you were in Bucks room, I'd answer loud enough for Buck to hear that it is YOUR house and if he wants privacy then he's in the wrong place.

 

[DammitJanet]

Lisa I thought about that with the receipt for the jewelry but then I also thought...Tony had to be the one who took him to buy it so he has to have already known about it. OHHHHH...wait... no...damn...I was hoping the date was one of the days the keys were taken but it wasnt. cuss cuss cuss. That would have really sunk his ship.

Today I tried to give the number to the rooming house. I tried to find it in the paper and it isnt there anymore. I told them they should have gone when I first saw it or knocked on those doors. When I went by there were three vacancies. Tony says Buck didnt like them. Oh why do we care? Its a place and he can save for better! I mean for heavens sake we put Cory in a condemned mobile home! Our own child. Now we are supposed to worry more about a 53 year old ex drug addict who has had his whole life to get it together?

I have laid down my law. My bathroom stinks from high heaven from Nina giving birth in it. I am refusing to clean it or do any other cleaning until Buck is gone. Tony says I am being childish. Oh well. At some point I am going to call APS on him and Buck. I am going to tell them that Tony allowed Buck to move into MY house which has put my health at risk. I can actually get a therapist to do that. He is putting my mental health at risk and APS would charge Tony. I could be considered a vulnerable adult with my disabilities. Tony is supposed to be the only one living with me though they do know that Billy lives here from time to time. Tony is supposed to be the one who takes care of me and he is doing a rather poor job of it at the moment.

That may have to be my last card. The threat of calling the cops on the whole crowd. In the end, I am the last one standing.

 

[Hound dog]

Ahhh, but was it after the keys were taken?

And if Tony took him to get said jewelry? Man, I'd blow a gasket and a half. While ramming it down his throat of how utterly hard he's been on Cory while bending over backward for this loser "brother".

husband knew better than to pull such behavior on me. He tried way early in the marriage, it utterly blew up in his face, and instead of the sweet agreeable wife he got hell on wheels with a vicious streak. Other than with katie, he never attempted it again. And said "guest" moved out rather rapidly. And my gosh it was nothing like you're having to put up with with this whole buck deal. I may not have learned how to make a relationship work at my mother's knee, but I certainly learned how to make a man's life a living hades.

I certainly hope it doesn't come to APS.

What would Tony do, I wonder, if you asked him for a date night out?

 

[susiestar]

Janet, there is NO WAY that talking with Tony is going to change his position. He will rationalize ANYTHING that Buck does - and the card Buck is probably playing with him is the "I never had a real family except for YOU. NO ONE else in the family ever gave a dang about me and you are the ONLY ONE who ever cared for me."

I would totally point out the double standard with Cory and that Cory is about 1000 times the man that Buck is.

If Buck is not out by Friday, or the 31st, then on the 1st or 2nd (1st is a Sunday), you get your old therapist to support you in your call to APS. This has gone on way too long, I am willing to bet that Buck doesn't like the boarding house because he has blown his money on drugs and stupid koi and because of course he would have to pay bills and for food and internet and whatever there.

Don't mess around anymore. Just find ONE place, call, get the place and if Buck refuses to go then you call and get APS to come and force him out, and to charge Tony wiht abuse of you. At this point I don't know if your relationship will survive Buck and this weird personality change that Tony has shown for months before Buck came to visit.. It seems that for a LONG time now Tony has been mad at you for any little problem and it is time to give him a wakeup call.

If you want to wait a month, then work on YOU paying the taxes on the land and then filing to get them put in YOUR name. In fact, I woudl NOT be surprised if BUCK had not heard of that and thought that HE could get the land AND your home and then "allow" Tony and you to stay there for a price. There is no way he is as dumb as he plays being. he is just too manipulative and too skilled at manipulating to be taht dumb. not being able to read does NOT equal dumb. He is dumb, no doubt, but someone told him he could have the land to be all his if he paid the taxes and went to court.

If the jewelry came after the keys went missing then I am willing to bet that Buck has a set of keys to it. It is easy to get keys made and that would give him total access to the truck, the home, and anything else Tony has a key to In fact, if tony has any keys to equipment or storage places for equipment at Tony's work, then I bet Buck has keys to those too and will use them to rob Tony's employer at some time.

As for the food, pulling a switcheroo is NOT going to convince Tony of anything. He is just going to think that Janet has it out for Buck and is being childish. I would start mumbling latin and making hand gestures to get him to THINK she is hexing him. Only when Tony isn't around. Buck isn't the only one who can gaslight someone.

Janet, you could also do that thing I mentioned on a PM. Do it BEFORE you call APS and make that be one of the things that you tell them he has done. It will add weight to things.

You have been tolerant for long enough. Time to start your end game, in my opinion. I hope Tony sees the light someday, but I would not bank on it. Not at all.

 

[Tiapet]

Janet I have been following this saga from the beginning and I see it through a set of eyes as they have been telling you of abuse. Emotional and psychological abuse. What is happening is "crazy making" to you. Both tony and buck are making you feel like you are going crazy that things aren't really happening that really are (and the fact that you have Billy that can prove some of it is a very good indicator and help to you in the end). You can't allow this to continue. I know how hard it is going to be for you because tony is involved and your relationship spans years with him. The love you feel.

I don't know and can't address why he is doing what he is doing at all. It isn't making any sense to me either other then I do agree that a) he may very well have something over his head by buck that you aren't aware of and you may never get it out of him, b) I was thinking that buck may be jealous of your relationship with tony even though what he displays seems to be the very opposite of that (jealousy can make people do very odd things in odd ways).

The longer this goes on the deeper the damage will be to you and respectively could be to your relationship with tony, if it's to be repaired at all. I also know that everyone has to act in their own time "when they have had enough", even the smartest of us don't always listen to everyone screaming at us to leave or get rid of the situation. It is a very tough and vulnerable place to be in and for you, I can't imagine how hard it is to be. It must be really scary. I know you've talked about how there is not much services in that particular area but I'm sure that there are services you can access (I know you, you are smart and know these things and how to find them). Do not be afraid anymore! Take the board strength and do what you must to gain back your strength, your piece of mind while you still can and before this "crazy making" goes too far. Please!