I'm not sure if the Travolta family fits into this category or not - but I have seen in some people, a conflict build up between their professed beliefs and what life throws at them.
Example - a girl I knew, a strict churchgoing morally upright 18 year old, whose best friend fell pregnant. The morally upright girl was utterly against abortion, utterly against extramarital sex. But as she listened to her friend she had to cope with a conflict - say what she believed (that her friend had been far too free with her body and that she shouldn't even THINK about termination), or shut up and be supportive. And the pregnant girl herself - also morally upright and churchgoing, even more so was she caught in a moral conflict. What to do? All the arguments to justify her earlier indoctrinated opinions now seemed trite and couldn't fully be held any more. She felt like a ship with a broken anchor chain.
Friendships can so easily founder. We have to make choices and be prepared to compromise on ourstrongly held beleifs, which life thorws us questions we never thought we would have to answer.
It happens all the time, to all sorts of people from all sorts of backgrounds. If it happens to someone in the public eye we all wonder - how do they balance what for them must be a moral conundrum?
The answer is simple. You either cope, or you don't. To cope, you have to compromise on your previously-held beleifs. You have to begin looking at the fine print and perhaps go about rewriting your own mental health contract. Because whatever choices you find yourself having to make - you have to be able to live with them. And when it involves someone you love very much, you are far more likely to quietly compromise, than to continue with any previous hardline policy.
I remember that wonderful line I'm sure you will have seen either on a t-shirt, a bumber sticker or a fridge magnet - "Teenagers of the world - leave home now, while you still know everything."
Because we are most at our black-and-whitest stages of thinking when we are in our teens. The only exceptions are those people who never, ever compromised. They are the ones whose moral stand is a reflection of the codes from the days of their childhood. The phrase "living in the Dark Ages" comes to mind. In my experience, such people are rare. I had sometimes met people who I thought were in that category, only to later see them change their behaviour in order to keep doors open in areas where previously they would have slammed them shut.
The best compromises are made through love. When you love someone, you are more likely to compromise for them. I think it makes the world a much better place.
Marg
