Joint Custody

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Apr 16, 2008.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Seems boyfriend has decided, and dicussed with Nichole, to go for joint custody of Aubrey.

    You know, I never thought I'd ever say this, but I don't object. At this time he is the more stable parent. Nichole seems h*ll bent on going backward the more we try to push her forward. Add in the Borderline (BPD) stuff, and well, I just don't think it's a bad idea.

    I know some of this has to do with the child support issue. The hearing is coming up soon. But alot also has to do with the fact that getting joint custody now will make it easier for him to go for full custody later if it becomes necessary. And if Nichole doesn't start trying to get her act together soon it just might not be that far away.

    Yesterday he asked how they go about it. All I could think to tell them was to ask the court clerk, if they don't know they should know who to ask. My only experience has been thru domestic violence with stepgfg and divorces.

    Nichole had a major tantrum last night because I refused to make an extra trip across town to wallie world. Then she parked her fanny in my chair at my computer desk and refused to get out of it. I know it sounds like a small thing, but she'll hop on my computer and force me to watch Aubrey because she ignores her. Only it didn't work. I was in no mood and forced her out of the chair not caring if it set her off. It did, but it was controlled.

    I'm worrying. Lately she doesn't want to watch the baby, bother feeding the baby. Her only focus seems to be boyfriend. She won't even play with the baby. If Aubrey wants/needs something she comes to me or Daddy. If she wants to play she comes to me. I dunno. Not really neglectful, but not really parenting either, if you know what I mean. I step in because Aubrey is beginning to have issues with her needs not being met or being consoled when needed. I don't want to see this growing into something else. boyfriend tells me he has the same issues at his house.

    Nichole is radiating from being paranoid everyone is out to make her out to be a bad parent, to rage, to obsession with boyfriend, defensive. She's not doing much listening. Too defensive and thinking we're out to get her.

    I don't know what I'm going to do with this kid. More and more she is reminding me of my mother. Since my mother is schizophrenic this is NOT a good thing. So how to psychiatrists determine whether it's Borderline (BPD) or schizphrenia anyway? They sound very similar to me.
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Borderline (BPD) and schizophrenia are very different. Borderline (BPD) is often hard to distinguish from BiPolar (BP), but I've not heard of anyone mistaking it for schizophrenia.

    Nichole isn't taking her medications, right? Is it possible she's either slipping into a depressive or manic episode?

    When I was severely depressed, I had the paranoia. I thought everyone was working against me. Then when I checked into psychiatric hospital - voluntarily - I thought that everyone that worked there looked so familiar and I would ask them if we had met before...which they said we hadn't. Then I started to think that somehow this was all a conspiracy - even though I had checked in voluntarily. psychiatrist said I was bordering on a psychotic depression.

    In there at the same time was a woman with bipolar who went off her medications and entered a manic phase. She was convinced people were bugging her house and was taking apart the phones and the electric looking for them. And another guy who was manic who was first a doctor, then a time traveler in the Army, then on a special mission to Mars. He was very intelligent. We had some interesting conversations about his 'time' and 'space' travel. If you questioned him he became very hostile....kinda scary. Then his medications kicked in and I felt so bad for him...he said he felt so stupid for the things he'd been saying.

    My point is that psychosis is not only seen in schizophrenia. If she gets any worse, she may need to be admitted.

  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I was thinking the same as Heather. She is off her medications and maybe she is spiraling into some sort of distorted thinking.

    Doing what's best for Aubrey is the best way to go. It may not be best for Nicole or boyfriend or you guys but her needs have to met.
    I'm sure you are worried.
  4. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Hoping the best outcome for Aubrey!!!!
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. I know this is scary, esp if you are looking at the situation from Aubrey's point of view.

    It may be time, now or in the near future, to admit her.


  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Lisa, it's got to be exhausting. On the 8th you were posting about maturity kicking in and on the 16th you are seeing all of this chaotic behavior. I'm sorry.

  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Exhausting isn't the half of it.

    I'm feel like I'm riding on a rollercoaster, and it's not fun. (then again I've never liked rollercoasters)

    Bad part is I'm having trouble being sure how much her diet is playing into this. Today she tried harder to follow it and was immensly better.

    She did contact the psychiatrist today. They're holding a spot for her til her welfare insurance kicks in. I told her to call them back tomorrow and mention she is low income. I know they do a sliding scale. She asked me to and I told her I can't because she's 18. And she's working on the welfare insurance.

    And she plans to go to the DMV tomorrow after work.

    So maybe she did hear some of what we said.

    Probably you guys are the only one's who can understand, but I'm telling you I can't wait until she moves out of my house. I love her to death, but living with her is becoming harder as each month passes.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911


    N could be Schizo with Borderline (BPD) tendencies. (like you needed to hear that) but I think when a mother stops feeding a baby it's time to get her evaluated and checked out - no shame in that.

    She seems to be obsessing over boyfriend. And in most cases with schizo - it manifests itself in early 20's - soooo might not be a bad to let someone professional know what is going on and see if there is any help.

    Just the lashing out at his (boyfriend) mom would make me worry. Not taking the medications is not good either.

    Hugs - I really have no decisive input for your situation, but wanted you to know I'm sending SERIOUS POSITIVE VIBES. Just the vibes man. Just good vibes.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    In reading over this, I think I agree with Star that not being responsive to Aubrey is very very worrisome.

    Nichole's tantrum over a trip to wallie world being denied and then refusing to get out of the computer chair seem more like domestic violence is edging its way in. Just because it is a child acting out to a parent does not mean it isn't domestic violence.

    If she is lashing out this way to boyfriend and to boyfriend's mom, they may seek help from a domestic violence shelter. It may be necessary as those folks know how to find resources to help.

    I know when I was uninsured and looking at a hysterectomy, medicaid told me that they would evaluate AFTER I was admitted and had the surgery. It didn't make sense. You might want to make some calls and see if they would cover a psychiatric evaluation for Nichole.

    I am so sorry. I know this is scary. But Star is right, the 20's are when schizophrenia rears its ugly head.

    Big hugs,

  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    No, I really didn't need to hear about the possiblity of the schizo, but it's not like I haven't been wondering about it myself. And it does run in our family. My mother, an aunt, and a grandfather -- all on my mother's side. So genetics aren't on her side for this possiblity.

    Monday I don't have classes until afternoon, so I'm going to attempt to push the issue with the psychiatrist. I'm darn sure they do it based on income being the county. (and I've had to use it before) So I'm going to try to get her to make the call with me standing there. If she doesn't get anywhere, I'll take over. I think they'll let me as she signed all of the HIPPA forms that let's me give and get info for her. Only problem is that they have a new psychiatrist so he has yet to see her.

    Nichole knows I'll take her down in a heartbeat, and I have her Dad, Travis, sister in law to back me up. Not that I need them. My temper makes Nichole's rages seem like a drop in the bucket. I just know how to control it. And she knows it. Which is why she backed down.

    I'm more worried about the violence at boyfriend's house, but boyfriend is under orders to call the police immediately, and I'll back him up.

    I was talking with my Mom today for a very long time. Usually I keep the kid's news to myself unless it's good news. But we did talk about Nichole's current condition. Now bare in mind Mom wouldn't admit to being schizo if her very life depended on it. But she did tell me Nichole's behavior worries her because my aunt was much the same way at a young age. Of course my Dad tells me the same thing about my Mom. *sigh*

    I was going to say today was a day without a rage. But then I recalled Nichole telling me about how she had raged at boyfriend's Dad this afternoon. Seems they have a racoon that's been visiting over there for a few years. Well today it was rabid. boyfriend called the cops. Nichole had told his Dad to keep the baby in the house because of the racoon. Dad supposedly brought her outside anyway and Nichole let him have it.

    If that was the case, I can't blame her much. But these days she's as often making up senerios as they are real. And since she really really likes and respects his Dad, this is yet another new line she's crossed. Although boyfriend did say there was a rabid racoon. Cop beat it with a bat and then shot it. Poor thing. Seems they have an epidemic of it in the neighborhood.

    I've decided I need a loooooooong vacation. ugh:pouting: