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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 675302" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Jabberwocky, I so understand your guarded view. I think we need to be realistic about our DCs. The reality is that things are better but they are a long way from being self-sustaining. And life being what it is, he will likely have some setbacks and disappointments and he may not handle them well and he may go backward. </p><p></p><p>But... Living in the here and now is really all we can do. Being okay with that requires learning how to live with uncertainty, something most of us have no idea how to do; in fact we don't want to learn how to do it at first. </p><p></p><p>But sticking our toe in that water starts to feel so good that once we do it and taste it a bit, we want more and more of it. </p><p></p><p>Pema Chodron writes about this and her work has really helped me.</p><p></p><p>I can still get messed up and disappointed about Difficult Child and I have found that my immediate next action is to reinforce my physical boundaries with him and not see or talk to him for a few days or weeks so I can regain myself. I just went through this cycle again since Thanksgiving. I keep on releasing him, letting go, and turning it over again and again and again. </p><p></p><p>I am so so glad I have finally learned what to do when I get the crazies. Because I will get them again, about all kinds of situations (like my aging parents) and what matters most of all to me today, first and foremost, is my own peace of mind. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. I am hoping he is learning every single day and that will come in to help when setbacks occur.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 675302, member: 17542"] Jabberwocky, I so understand your guarded view. I think we need to be realistic about our DCs. The reality is that things are better but they are a long way from being self-sustaining. And life being what it is, he will likely have some setbacks and disappointments and he may not handle them well and he may go backward. But... Living in the here and now is really all we can do. Being okay with that requires learning how to live with uncertainty, something most of us have no idea how to do; in fact we don't want to learn how to do it at first. But sticking our toe in that water starts to feel so good that once we do it and taste it a bit, we want more and more of it. Pema Chodron writes about this and her work has really helped me. I can still get messed up and disappointed about Difficult Child and I have found that my immediate next action is to reinforce my physical boundaries with him and not see or talk to him for a few days or weeks so I can regain myself. I just went through this cycle again since Thanksgiving. I keep on releasing him, letting go, and turning it over again and again and again. I am so so glad I have finally learned what to do when I get the crazies. Because I will get them again, about all kinds of situations (like my aging parents) and what matters most of all to me today, first and foremost, is my own peace of mind. Hang in there. I am hoping he is learning every single day and that will come in to help when setbacks occur. [/QUOTE]
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