This was an enormously useful response, Recovering. But difficult, because I realize that M has his way of triggering the same thing. So all of a sudden I began to wonder if I need to leave him.folks have their own shame and a way to unload it is to "throw" it at another. Like a shame ball.
My way of thinking is like your own, except because I have collapsed from the shame ball, my thinking has been temporarily disabled. I will buy that book by Brene Brown and while I am there at the prison I will use that time to repair my boundaries.you felt shame and collapsed in it.
I am not a quitter. I never have been. I would like to work close to 6 months in order to meet some financial objectives (actually recoup a lot of the money that I have spent these last 3 plus years without working.) If I could really use this environment to address this weakness, it would be a good thing. But I cannot deceive myself. Sometimes nothing is worth the money *or the relationship. This is not one of those really toxic prisons. There are a lot of nice staff, although for some reason I am not that interested in making friendships except with one lady. Well, one lady is a lot.In your heart of hearts Copa, you know what the right thing is to do for your well being.......give yourself permission to do it.
I agree. It will only be too toxic to me if I do nothing about changing myself. In my house as a child, there was a lot of shaming going on. By both parents, and later my step-father.too toxic of a situation for you then you probably should move on
Before I knocked I could see through the glass door that there were two women, one was standing talking to the other. I said something like I am sorry to bother you but can you unlock the bathroom door for me (which was 3 steps away).
She looks at me. With disbelief that immediately turned to scorn. Then she looks me up and down from my feet to my head. And just to make sure I felt sufficiently like a slimy worm she did it again.
Now, mind you she could have said NO. But she needed to make this a big big deal. So she says: wait until I am finished. I said thank you and closed the door to wait outside. And she proceeded with her conversation as I waited outside the door. She could see me waiting through the window.
So, I am really learning something here.Stop taking the blame for other people.
Because this place has a policy that I cannot be issued either an ID or keys until I have attended a 2 day prison. Because they are short on staff, and needed my help right away, they accelerated my start date to 3 weeks before the training. In these 3 weeks I have to endure being escorted everywhere and asking to go to the bathroom. It is not something specific to me. It is the way they do it.Why can't you have a key to have access to a restroom? I guess I would not like announcing to another adult that I need to relieve myself... KS
Because this place has a policy that I cannot be issued either an ID or keys until I have attended a 2 day prison. Because they are short on staff, and needed my help right away, they accelerated my start date to 3 weeks before the training. In these 3 weeks I have to endure being escorted everywhere and asking to go to the bathroom. It is not something specific to me. It is the way they do it.
You know, my significant other M, shames me. I am struggling with understanding if it is intentional.I ended the relationship once it was clear to me that I was receiving "shame balls." I got out.
Thank you Jabber. You described it exactly. Exactly what my situation is and exactly what I stepped into.I've just been around long enough that I don't give a crap.
I love this.I know I would have said, "the cat is sleeping with Son from now on. It will be good for both. As for the Windows, I didn't even notice. Since it bothers you, just close the Windows."
M has resentments because he does way more of the stuff around the house although I do all of the cooking and shopping and bill-paying. And now he is driving me back and forth to work, on the best of days this is 3 hours of extra work.And if hub complains about something around the house and it bothers him but now t me, I may decide to do it myself or, if I think it's so something ill forget about, I will say,"if you don't do it, I will probably forget so...it's up to you."
Yes.M just sounds fussy and sounds like you overreacted and took on unnecessary shame. It is not your role to please him in every way nor take it out on your son.
It is not so simple if you are geared to take things personally, judge yourself as responsible and blame yourself if anything happens which you cannot control!at work. Blow off the mean people if you can. In the end, they are strangers to you.
As for the Windows, I didn't even notice. Since it bothers you, just close the Windows.