Just a Vent

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Lulu, Jan 30, 2008.

  1. Lulu

    Lulu New Member

    *sigh* Another morning meltdown for N before preschool, and this time, my husband joined in. He lost his temper when N balked about putting his coat on correctly, and they were running late anyway, and...well, I'm sure you all know the story. He pushed N's head back to get him out of his coat harder than he should've. I just had to walk away. It was not a harmful push, but we are not a physical family, so it carried a lot of negative weight. When I walked back into the room, N was crying horribly, and I just scooped him up and walked him to husband's car without a word to husband. N had no coat on, was a crying mess, and I was whispering in his ear to try to calm him down. I buckled him in and tucked his coat over him like a blanket. When husband got in the car to drive away, N was still wailing. I felt and still feel sooooooo awful. I feel like not only do I walk on eggshells with my son, but now I have to be careful not to aggravate my husband after this, as he will probably be very defensive. I know he feels like ****, and I don't want him to lash out at me about it.

    I composed an email to my husband asking how the drop-off went, and suggesting that letting N wear his coat backward on a late morning when we are all already worked up (N did not have time to play his computer game this morning, and was already upset) is prefereable to losing one's temper and N having a meltdown at the eleventh hour. I haven't sent it yet. I don't particularly want to call him as he is pulled in a thousand directions at work. When he has a minute he can probably answer an email. I don't even know if I'll send it.

    I just feel sick and hope that N is doing okay in preschool this a.m. I get him in an hour and a half. Thank you for listening.
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Sigh...these are hard, hard days for parents and kids alike. I hope school has a settlling effect on him today.
  3. JulienSam

    JulienSam New Member

    Lulu --

    I so know what you were feeling this morning. I hope the day improved for everyone. It's hard to compromise or put things in basket C (let it slide for the time being), esp. when a parent is already stressed.

    Just sending you ((HUGS)) to let you know you're not alone...

  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Lulu, how did things turn out yesterday?
  5. Lulu

    Lulu New Member

    SRL and Julie, thanks for the support. I finally called husband at work and asked how drop-off went. He said N was quiet, but fine. The teacher told me at pick-up that he had been fine at school, no problems.

    husband and I had "the discussion" after the kids were in bed. His comment to me: I get so frustrated when N won't do what I say and then we're late and it just gets worse. I empathized and said that in those cases, I'd just stay calm, because losing it will just make N worse. He says, "But he still won't do what I ask." I said I'd just carry him to the car quietly and calmly with-o his coat, buckle him in, and tuck his coat around him. husband is concerned that N has all the control as we get ready for school. Obviously, husband is not ready to consider ceding some of that, or the illusion of that. He agreed that what I suggested was the best we could do for now.

    Last night, N and I went over what he would need to do to make this morning better, and this morning I was coaching him pretty constantly (husband maintains we should be able to tell him what to do and he should do it), and he DID get ready in time to play a computer game for 5 minutes. And lo and behold, when Daddy said, "time to go," N got up and walked to the door, no balking! We both praised him. :)

    Some days are good days. Thanks again, ladies.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is hard when things are perceived as control battles between parent and child. I am guilty of escalating things because I thought my kids should just do what I told them when I told them.

    Changing that way of thinking is really hard. I know it drives MY dad nuts when he comes to take thank you to school and thank you is in shorts or a short sleeve Tshirt on a cold day. My dad just can't get over it, just as he cannot handle if the grandkids don't eat. He has to push and nag and make a fuss. (When my oldest was young he had a wonderful time entertaining himself by pushing these buttons on Grandpa!).

    I figure if he refuses to wear a coat, and it is cold, then he will be cold. I don't let him complain, though if he chooses to bring a blanket, then fine, he can use it. I actually have been encouraging short sleeve shirts/tshirts this winter. thank you's classroom gets very very HOT, and he has a rough time of it.

    With thank you I can ask him to "Do it for Grandpa" and he will. He wouldn't for ME, but hey, I do not have Grandparent Superpowers yet. Hopefully won't for a large number of years!

    Has your husband ever read Love and Logic Parenting? Esp the Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood? It is a really great book, and I think sometimes it makes more sense to guys than some of the other books.

    Sorry you had to cope with this. It sounds like you had a pretty good talk with your husband though.


  7. Lulu

    Lulu New Member

    Isn't that a stitch that we can never expect our kid will be that way? ;)

    Thanks for the reminder. We have that one! And thanks for the hugs.