hi i hope this is the right board to post in for older difficult child who is 14 and driving me batty. i had posted last week i had to take her for drug screening school said i had to, due to her failing every class. been a slow downward spiral mode for past 3 years now. she's so so nasty and disrespectful to me. i kept her home this weekend little difficult child went with dad older one may have mono will find out in a.m. when get blood results. so i ofcourse made no plans for weekend other than i went to meet friend for quick lunch on saturday rest of time was home with her things were calm. oh i also met with a therapist regarding her behavior and how to proceed forward what the best approach would be. so plans' in place and ready to go both at school and home. like i said she was fine all weekend long it was peaceful uneventful just the way i like it. until her little sister came home, dad came in we spoke briefly kids pet hamster with dad for bit then he left and all hell broke loose. it's been said by school staff older difficult child thrives on creating drama for some reason. all of a sudden was completely disrespectful to me complete 360 from the way she had been all weekend. asked her a simple question she repeated how she was not going to answer me five times.........so i got up went upstairs and figured out answer on my own of what i was asking. i then gave her verbal warning i said listen i'm not sure why it is you are acting this way you've been calm all weekend but pls. get control of it now. little difficult child starts catching wind there's a problem. older one goes for it with me answering me back, being disrespectful little difficult child starts to cry. i stand there shaking my head poor kid hasn't been home all weekned and now has to walk into this. i then follow older difficult child up to her room after giving her 3 verbal warnings i walk up to her get right in her face yet not yelling very calm but firm (little difficult child gave her a book we were going to read together told her Occupational Therapist (OT) wait on couch ) and said to her i'm telling you now change your tone with me there is no reason for this why would you do this as soon as your sister got home? if you wanted to talk to me or needed some time this isnt' teh way to go about it. me being up in her face like that she raised her hand not to hit me seemed like she was trying to shield herself from what?? little drama queen is what she is. then she yelled in my face and i snapped oh my i saw red i'll tell you. i dont' hit my kids i think i hit older one twice in almost 15 years and barely barely so i grabbed her face pushed it up against wall and said under no circumstances wil i tolerate her beign disrespectful to me adn speaking to me in that way. that she was to stay in her room and out of my sight right now. she then starts yelling screaming what are you going to do beat me? i mean we are talking hi hi drama no need. my hands still by my side. little difficult child walks in from hearing older difficult child screaming and is now hysterical runnign for phone to call dad who jsut left.........oh man here we go she's never done that. gets nasty with me starts yelling at me to leave her sister alone and says i want to go back with dad i don't want to be here with you!!! you can imagine i wanted to take older one and yes beat her. plain and simple. yet i do not. i walk away as she continues to mumble under her breaht and she proceeds to go down into living room and pop herself infront of t.v. little difficult child is now in playroom extra bedroom hysterical crying i mean hysterical i go get the chlondine she is arleady upset sunday nigths leaving dad but now this is whole new levell of upsetment for her. after 40 minutes yes 40 minutes she gets off phone with dad. he then speaks to me i explain situation he gets on phone with older difficult child. by the way this has never been our dynamic kids have never called him we have always dealt on our own lately they seem to be bringing him into mix alot via phone calls and lying about what it is that's going on older difficult child that is. so i calm it all down get her to stop crying tell older one to get out of my way and proceed to read with little difficult child. she falls asleep chlonidine is good. i sit with older one and say to her why would you do all of that. i role play the entire situation showing her if she had acted differently how differently it al would have gone. my mistake in it all: at least from what i can see she wanted drama and i gave it to her i allowed her to control the entire house for over an hour. i think i should of shut her down immediately before the 3 warnings contained her little difficult child owuld of been ok problem solved. oh oh boy let me tell you. i am so tired of being spoken to like a piece of sh*t by a child i love and adore. i am so tired of little difficult child getting mad at me and raging becuase i'm repremanding sister. i'm telling you it's so dysfunctoinal i'Tourette's Syndrome almost laughable. HELP what could i of done better??