Just another day

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AngelaMia, Oct 22, 2007.

  1. difficult child running rampant. No consequences, no treatment, no nothing. Just independant therapy in the morning then he hangs out with his friends in the afternoon.

    I layed down the law yesterday. I will NOT drive him back to the hospital at night, it's late, I get up early and I don't want to. I do NOT have money to give him. Things with husband gone are very tight (to say the least) and I just don't have it. You want money, get a job! He cannot come in my house when I am not home. I am getting a deadbolt put on the door. He is more than welcome when I am home, but I want NO ONE here when I am not home.

    My family is so mad at him for screwing up that they don't even want to talk to him. I don't blame them. We've all had enough. I keep forgiving but I am the mother. How many more times will I forgive before I just cut him out of my life forever?

    I am angry. I am angry at him for being so unmotivated. He called me today whining because it's taking so long for him to go through the process. You're complaining to me?!?!? YOU TRIED TO KILL ME! You want me to feel bad for you? You've been out for 2 months and you've used your get out of jail free card already. You ran from the program and you got high. And now you're back with your "friends". Stupid idiot. Stupid, stupid.

    The suspended sentence isn't for 9 years, it's 10. I can't see a light at the end of this tunnel. I see him going back to his old ways and I know there is nothing I can do. It's his choice, his life. It pains me to know how hard I tried to give him a normal life. I tried SO hard to make things right for him, but he won't put in the same effort. Words don't make a difference to him. He told me, he actually said to me today, "I need to relax".

    HELLO? You just spent a year in jail with nothing to do - 2 months in a hospital relaxing and now you need sometime to relax? What about me? I've been fighting for you for 8 g-damn years, my marriage is gone, I live in a slum and I am alone. Who needs to relax?

    Oh forget it. I just needed to vent.

  2. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Hi old friend. I am so sorry things have come to this. Quite honestly I am surprised that you let him in your house at all. I know you love him, no one is asking you to stop loving him, but I fear you are putting yourself in danger again. Please take care of you and let him find his own way for a while.

    This business of putting yorself out there for him isn't working. You have tried so hard to save him to no avail. He simply isn't ready. You have to accept that no one can save him but himself. He has to want it and be willing to work at it. It doesn't seem like he meets either of those criteria.

    In my opinion you have ignored your own needs for too long. It is time you changed the locks and focused on yourself. Find your way out of that slum. You are your primary responsibility now. That is all you have the power to change, only yourself and your circumstance.

    Your anger is so apparent it seems almost ready to consume you. I can tell you are in need of peace. Go find it let yur difficult child fend for himself for a while... at least until he is ready to do the necessary work to get back on track.
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    It was all said by RM.
  4. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Sometimes we all need a place to vent Angela. This is a great place to do so.

    I would encourage you to continue to love him and forgive him. But, I would discourage you from continuing to bale him out and make his life comfortable. As hard as it is ... I know how hard it is ... you need to let go and let your son deal with his own life. It may be the only way he reaches his rock bottom.

  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I was just thinking about you.

    You needed to get mad and vent. You found a good place to do it.

    We are here for you. RM had an excellent post.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending supportive thoughts and prayers your way. I do care. DDD
  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I hear ya. we go between wanting them out but safe and wanting our own life back.

    we want normal whatever that is.

    take care of you only.
  8. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I don't blame you a bit for being so angry and tired. Definitely sounds like you're the one who needs a break!

    I hope YOU find a way to relax soon and let go of the frustration/aggravation.