just asked difficult child to leave.....I'm an emotional mess

[dixiegirl40]

My difficult child just cursed me out and said a string of insults so emotionally damaging that I just can't take it anymore and told him he has to be out by tonight. Sigh....tears. He has a senior project that he waited until yesterday to tell me that part of the initial project is due today and that has set him off since yesterday. Somehow it's all my fault that he can't time turn it on time. I made calls and ran steins yesterday and this morning trying to help him and when I came home empty handed he just went off on me. We had an altercation two days ago as well with one of his pot head friends here. I just can't take being verbally assaulted in my home anymore. Plus he'd still using and doesn't think he beefs to stop. I'm just at the end of my rope. Everyday is a battle with this kid and my marriage and my other two children suffer everyday. It shouldn't be this hard.

 

[toughlovin]

Dixie,

Hugs... and no it shouldnt be this hard. It is heartbreaking to be in your position and believe me I have been there. We had to kick my son out of the house when he was 18 and it absolutely broke my heart BUT it was much much better for my daughter (3 years younger than him) and it was amazing to live in a peaceful house again. I actually began to feel like my house was my safe place and I started to enjoy being home again. It sounds like it is time for him to go....

so spend a little time thinking about what you do if he refuses to go. Find out your options. My son flat out refused to go and threatened me in the process. I went upstairs, cried my eyes out and then drove to the police station and talked to the cops. They suggested a restraining order which I did not want to do, instead they agreed to come unannounced at a certain time and serve him with a no tresspass order. That way he was home when they got here. He got nasty to me as he left but the police got stern with him and so kept the peace. The whole thing broke my heart in a million pieces.

I wish I could tell you things were fine now but they are not... however it is clear to me it was the right thing to do. He has had many many chances since then to turn things around and he has not done it. I have stayed in touch with him (when I can) and I think he knows we love him. I think he also knows why he cant live here and I dont think blames us anymore....my interactions with him are better than they were and if he ever gets his life together I think we can have a good relationship.... but whether he gets his life together is a whole other question but I am now convinced it is up to him.

And my easy child daugther is now a senior in hs and doing great.... and I think if he had stayed in the house she would have had some serious issues. So yes you need to protect and do right by your other kids. They need you too.

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone and many of us here have been through this.

TL

 

[FlowerGarden]

Dixiegirl,
How old is your son? Can you legally throw him out? I know it is difficult with the stuff he is doing to you. Getting him out of the house would be good for you but depending on his age and the fact he is still in high school, you might have trouble doing that legally. I would make sure of your rights and his first before throwing him out. I don't want to see you getting charged with abandonment or anything.
Flowergarden

 

[92025]

yes, that's my thought also; is he 18? is this a state where you need to evict? Hate to see a terrible situation get worse with an abandonment charge

 

[dixiegirl40]

Yes, he's 18. He's been in and out of our house many times. He's stayed with my parents several times, which always makes him worse because my mother is his biggest enabler. He won't leave this time. He always ends up staying with a friend , the same one whose parents let them use weed at their house. Still praying about what to do. Thank you for the support. by the way, I've been posting from my phone a lot and the auto correct always makes it look like I can't spell! That's why so many typos

 

[pinevalley]

Dixiegirl: Welcome to this community. You will find a lot of support here from parents who understand what you are going through.

You have every right to feel safe in your own home, and to have a peaceful home for your other children. You took a huge step by asking your son to leave your house, and hopefully this will be a wake-up call for your 18 year old. You have to think about your other children in the house, and they will have a safe, peaceful home without your 18 year old. I know that this is very hard for you, but please do NOT let him come back to your home unless he agree to get help for his problems. At 18 years old your son is now an adult (at least in the eyes of the law), and he has to take responsibility for his own life. You do not have to support him anymore, and so you should take this time to be good to yourself and your other children. Please take care of yourself, and keep posting at this site. HUGS...